UPJOKE
unhorselightget offget downdescendgallopremounttwirlpommel horsespringboardolympic gameshorsemandiscontinuationridingfall

Dismount Jokes

Boy walks in on his parents going at it...

Father turns around, smiles, and winks.

Few minutes later, a horrible noise arises from down the hall. Father dismounts, runs down the hall, only to find the boy with Grandmother bent over the bed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" says Father.

Boy smiles, winks, and s...

A sports car is driving in Amish country.

He skids on the road and crashes into a ditch. He gets out unharmed and looks at his car in dismay. A few minutes later an Amish man comes riding by in a horse and buggy. The Amish man stops and asks, "Would you like some help, English?". The man quickly says he would, and just as quickly the Am...

Tracker

So the cowboys hire a native american tracker. The tracker would often dismount his horse, look closely at the ground, sniff, put his ears on the ground, etc.

So today they are riding a trail. Tracker asks for a halt, gets off the horse and holds his ears to the ground. Gets up says "Buffalo ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A knight is riding on the road in search of adventures.

He sees the road splitting ahead of him, and next to the fork. a rock with some writing upon it. The knight dismounts and reads:

*Should thou go right, thou shalt lose thy steed. Should thou go left, thou shalt lose thy life. Should thou go straight ahead, thou shalt go fucking nuts.*

...

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

"Howdy, stranger..."

"Howdy, Sheriff..."

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, and stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on there, M...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The cowpoke rides up to the saloon...

dismounts and ties up his horse, and before entering the saloon, walks around behind the horse, lifts up his tail and plants a big ol' kiss right on the horse's butthole.
He walks into the bar and the bartender says, "Howdy pardner! Can't help but notice you're mighty friendly with your horse t...

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down....

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.
She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is lost in the desert...

A man attempts to cross a desert by camel-back, but finds himself lost after some days. Having food, water, and supplies, he starts to lack only one thing upon his journey: companionship. After a couple of weeks alone, he figures 'what the heck...' and drops his trousers behind his camel and proceed...

An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Irishman are running from the sheriff...

They turn a corner and see three large empty sacks. Quickly, they each hide inside one.

The sheriff and his deputy turn the corner and see the three sacks on the ground. The sheriff dismounts and kicks the first sack.

"Meow," says the Englishman.

"It's just a cat," the sheriff s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two cowboys

Riding across the range, they come upon a heifer with her head caught in the fence. Cowboy#1 says "you know I'm getting kind of tired of beating off in the bushes, I think ill take advantage of this situation"

He hops off his horse and goes to the heifer and has sloppy intersperses sexual in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A policeman is riding his motorcycle on a dark, lonely stretch of road on a freezing cold night.

He sees a fellow motorcyclist stopped on the side of the road. "What's the problem?" he says. "Bike wont run" So the cop dismounts and says, "Probably frozen carburettor, just pee on it"
Biker doesn't seem keen so the cop pulls out the meat-baton and gives the carbys a good spray. "There ya go ma...

My grandfather passed away early this morning. To commemerate him, here is a favorite joke of his

A man and woman were on their honeymoon after a quick courtship. They met, fell, and love, and were quickly married. On their honeymoon, they decide to go for a horse ride through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the wifes's horse mis-steps and jo...

Old tribal wisdom says that wh...

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this hor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Brown Paper Larry

A cowboy rides into town and sees a few guys working on a gallows. The cowboy dismounts and calls out, "Hey, sheriff, when's the hangin'?"

The sheriff says, "Saturday. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."

The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"

"...

Big Joe

A guy runs into a bar. "I'll have a vodka tonic, but make it snappy!" he says to the bartender.

The barkeep hands him his drink. The guy throws a twenty down and says, "Keep the change. I gotta get out of here, Big Joe's coming!"

Hearing this, patrons all over the bar frantically get u...

There's this bartender . . .

It's the wild west and a bartender is behind the bar, polishing glasses and going about his normal day's work. Suddenly, a man bust through the saloon doors and yells, "y'all gotta get out of here! Big Bad Barts comin!"

Half of the patrons rush out the front, while the other half runs to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy walks into a bar...

A cowboy walks his horse up to a bar, dismounts, hitches it, and then he walks around the horse, lifts up the tail and sticks his finger in the horse's ass.  The bar keep notices this and soon everyone in the bar is watching through the window. He then takes the befouled finger and smears the excrem...

Four students decide to skip an exam

Four students were attending law college and were quite used to cheating and exploiting to get better grades. Their final exam was due tomorrow and they wanted to get some extra time to hopefully enhance their grades.

The plan was simple: don’t show up tomorrow, spend the whole day learning ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cowboy rides into town....

( For cake day i suggest telling these jokes in series )

A cowboy rides into town. All the way down the main drag, he sees not a single soul.
He pulls up in front of the saloon and the only other person around is the sheriff, sitting on the porch.
He dismounts, ties up his horse, tips...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An evil black knight and a holy white knight meet on the field of battle

The black knight calls out to his opponent, "behold the power of my sturdy lance and my steed! We will conquer this land and enslave its people on behalf of the dark wizard!"

The white knight responds, "nary have I enountered such a vile and wicked man! The people of this holy land shall rem...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Nsfw) The lone ranger and Tonto are travelling when they are captured by a band of outlaws

They bury the Lone ranger up to his neck in the dirt. The outlaws ask the lone ranger if he has any last requests before they leave him to die.


"Yes I do, tonto come here a moment"


Tonto comes over and the lone ranger whispers something in his ear. Suddenly tonto makes a run f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a man in a happy marriage, save for one aspect - his member was so sizable he could not fully insert himself into his wife without causing her pain.

One night, this frustration boiled over, and he headed out to find a bordello - surely, if he was to find a woman to accommodate his size, it would be there.


As he walks into the parlor, he eyes a man behind the counter and tells him his troubles. The man says, "Well, that's a pickle, but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cop was patrolling his regular route

when he started to get pretty thirsty. Naturally deciding to stop at his usual convenient store. As he's pulling into the parking lot he sees a woman pumping gas into her car while smoking a cigarette. She was older and maybe a little unstable. The cop dismounts his cruiser and approaches the woman ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

War camel.

So a plane goes down in the Sahara in WW2.
The survivors are a lieutenant, a sergeant, a corporal and a private. They have a days rations and are many days out from the nearest town.

The looty sends the corporal to scout around for anything to help in their predicament. He returns with a...

One day a cowboy is riding in some tribal lands when he is captured by some natives...

He is thrown down on the ground before the chief, who looks at him with disgust and says, "These are our lands, for trespassing you must be sentenced to death. You can have one wish granted before we sacrifice you, what do you wish?"

The cowboy replies, "I'd like to speak with my horse."
<...

The Cowboy and the Indian

A cowboy is riding his horse through the plains; it's been hours since he's seen civilization, and he figures it'll be hours before he sees any more. He brings his horse to stop, then reaches for his canteen. As he tips the water back, he notices something out of the corner of his eye; a figure layi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[att. Aesop] The Miller and His Son

A MILLER and his son were driving their Ass to a neighboring fair to sell him.

They had not gone far when they met with a troop of women collected round a well, talking and laughing. "Look there," cried one of them, "did you ever see such fellows, to be trudging along the road on foot when...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The tale of Old Joe

There once was a man named Paul who, after some trouble with the law, found himself homeless behind a fast food joint just outside of Wichita, Kansas. He stayed there for a few days, drinking from the bathroom sinks and eating scraps from the trash, when an old rancher named Joe found him and took p...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.