For the geeks

An SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says ‘Can i join you?’

Two farmers <a geek joke>

Two farmers were chatting,

One says, “You reckon the profit on your crops this year will be significant?”

“All depends,” said the other.

“On what”

“My pea value”

How did the young computer geek refer to his AI-based girlfriend?

His "Databae"

What is the best girlfriend for a computer geek?

One that turns his software into hardware.

Why did the computer geek fall into a well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

How many geeks does it take to ruin a joke?

You mean nerd, not geek. And not joke, but riddle. Proceed.

I saw the actress who is in Cougartown and Freeks and Geeks at a store today. I shouted at her to ask her name but she continued what she was doing and left quickly after that

I guess she was busy

I'm throwing a party for a bunch of science geeks tomorrow night

First person who falls asleep gets "The Earth Is Flat" in sharpie on their forehead.

What is the difference between a nerd and a geek?

What is the difference between a nerd and a geek?

If you know, you are a geek.

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GEEKS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers
stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the
door saying "GEEKS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!"
He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of...

My wife is a computer geek and wants to name our son "one eighth of a byte"

So I said "Really honey? Don't you think that's a bit...?"

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The dirty joke from 'Freaks and Geeks'

A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her sex life. Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.

She looks at him ...

I went to see a guy from Geek Squad to look at my computer

While he was working on it, he mentioned how hard the dating scene was for nerdy guys like him.

"Go to the grocery store across the street," I suggested.

"Why?"

"There are 'Best By' dates everywhere!"

Where do math geeks usually sleep at?

the matrices

Why are linux geeks very introvertish ?

Because they never get out of their shell

Two geeks are talking over lunch.

The first guy says, "You wouldn't believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take whatever you want!' … So I took the bike" The second guy says, "Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

What do you call a tech geek you joins the wrong group of friends

A miss-clique

A geek dies and goes to heaven.

After spending a few days there, he realizes there are a lot of people he wants to talk to, and a lot of questions he wants to ask them. He walks up to an angel and asks, "So how come we don't have iPads up here? It would be really nice to have an iPad; that way I could jot down a note about somethi...

How to rid yourself of geeks [**star wars spoilers**]

thats how

How many geek squad geeks does it take to change out a lightbulb?

1. Just sign here on the new mortgage and turn in your old house. The new one comes with all new bulbs and they're all guaranteed for 3 years. Would you like the home warranty with that?

I plan on starting a geek rap band...

I think I'll call it Run-D.L.L.

Why did the geek want to go to a party full of vampires, zombies, and ghosts.

He wanted to finally be the life of a party.

I was once in a music group called, "Fat Technology Geeks".

We've since updated our name to: "Broadband".

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A principal notices a Post-It on a locker.

"Jocks of JFK High! This small change in diet can boost your physique FOREVER! Head to the gym to find out how!"

Puzzled, he pulls it off and continues down the hall. Just a few lockers down, another catches his eye.

"Hey goth girls! Tired of dark eyeliner that just runs all day? One ...

Why will space be a popular tourist spot?

The view is breathtaking and will leave you speechless

Only science geeks will understand

Bill Gates wanted to make a new friend.

He logged into his computer and found some strangers who seemed nice, so he sent them some funny pictures and told him a little about himself. For days, his posts went nowhere. He was never getting any responses, so he decided to send some videos instead, thinking people just didn't believe it was h...

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Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

Four strangers find themselves chatting on a bus ride away from New York City

They talk for a while about who they are and why they’re leaving the city. There’s a loud and charming man looking for a new start away from the big city, a contortionist tired of all the hustle and bustle, a quiet girl who gave no explanation on her past, and a woman pregnant with triplets trying t...

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

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I think my son may not be mine...

I knew her for a long time, but the real story starts when I was 17.

I was a geek, used watch sci fi shows, read stories and write about it in my spare time. I had no friends in school except for this one guy and his jerk friends who makes me do their homework, tells me where I can and can't ...

Working Redditors: What is your favorite joke about your own profession?

Retired U.S. Air Force here and this is my favorite military joke:

The biggest difference between the branches of the U.S. Armed Forces is that if you give the order to **"Secure that building!"**

* The Army will kick the doors down, enter with weapons drawn, eliminate all hostiles...

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem.

A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

An old lady goes up to the help counter at her local electronics store clutching a jar of marmalade.

"I found this in my pantry," she says, "and I'm wondering if it will work. You see? I've strained out all the peel."

"Ma'am, I have no idea what you're talking about," says the geek working the desk.

"The last time I was here," she replies, "you told me that when my printer says LOAD...

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A geeky teen goes to college...

and discovers that a girl is actually interested in him. So one night they're lying down together and the girl says "Wanna smash?" The geek then pulls out his 3DS and replies "Sure! My main is Captain Falcon, what about you?" The girl, realizing that the geek misunderstood, says "Zero-suit Samus" an...

Contest in the local bar

A bar tender was so confident that he promised free drinks for life to the person that could squeeze more juice from a lemon than him.

A hulk of bodybuilder accepted the challenge and squeezed with all his might to no avail. A small geek with wire rim glasses sits quietly chuckling at the fut...

Band Jokes!

I'm a band geek and love terrible band jokes. Here are some of my favorites!

How do you get two piccolos to play in tune? Shoot one.

What is the best use for a clarinet? Kindling.

What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower? You can tune a lawn mower.

What...

A guy walking on the beach one day

A guy is walking on the beach one day, and comes across this geeky not so attractive guy totally surrounded by beautiful women. Shocked at how this could happen, he asks the geek how he manages to get all this women.

He responds with, "Put a potato in your pants".

The next day he retur...

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