What's the fastest ride at the carnival?

You would think it would be the roller coaster.

But really the carousel has the most horse power.

A man meets his Tinder date at a carnival.

"There's so many games!" he said, "What do you wanna do?"

"I wanna get weighed." she says, shyly looking at the ground.

They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal.

"What next?" he asks.

"I wanna get weighed." she says, confidently looking at him....

Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.

It's called a Ted Cruise

A drunk man at the carnival...

A horribly drunk man stumbled up to a carnival game booth and sloppily picked up the air rifle. On his very first shot he knocked the target down, much to the game operator's astonishment.

"Wow, sir that was amazing," said the operator as he handed the drunkard a live turtle. "You'll be going...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are in a carnival

Watching a juggler juggle 4 burning fire brands. He notices that the four are quite short and are on their tiptoes just to be able to have a glance at his juggling skills.

Being the showman, he jumps on to a large wooden box while still keeping the firebrands juggling and asks, "Can y'all ge...

Carnival is offering a single day trip guaranteed to leave all your worries behind.

It's called a Ted Cruz

Full credit to my dad who just texted me this.

A guy visits a carnival and amongst the merry-go-rounds, vendors and performers he spots a man with a tiny pony.

He walks up to the man and asks: "What's with the pony?"

"For a dollar the pony can do pretty much any trick you ask of it" the man replies.

"That's cool" the guy says and proceeds to take out his wallet, retrieve a dollar bill and puts it in the jar next to the pony.

He extends...

People ask my why I’m always at the carnival.

That’s a fair question...

I used to work for a traveling carnival.

My buddy got me the job as he was part of the show. He had spent years training bees to land in his hand without them stinging him. It was quite a feat. He even grew so attached the he named his most recent bee "Uty" as we were traveling through Utah at the time.

One day, I hear my buddy shou...

A guy takes his date to the carnival...

....and asks his date what she wants to do. She replies "I want to get weighed." So he takes her to the Guess Your Weight booth and continue their date.

They go on a few more rides and again he asks her what she wants to do. "I wanna get weighed" she says once again. So they get her weighed a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really wish i could learn how to juggle like the carnival guys

But i don’t have the balls to do it

A man goes to a carnival advertising the three greatest samurai on earth...

He joins the expectant crowd eager to get their money's worth.

"The third greatest samurai" comes the announcement. The samurai steps up. A box is opened and a fly buzzes out. He draws his sword, there's a flash of light, and the fly falls in two equal halves. The crowd cheers.

"The s...

I didn't want to take advice from a sword salesman at the carnival...

...but he made some fair points.

I was so upset my family didn't invite me to the local carnival

Not fair

So the guy takes the blind date to a carnival

"What do you want to do first?" he asks.

"I wanna get weighed." she replies, so he takes her to the "guess your weight" booth. She wins a teddy bear, but doesn't seem very pleased.

"What do you want to do now?" he asks.

"I wanna get **weighed**!!" she says.

"But ...

John took his blind date to the carnival and asked her, "What would you like to do first, Kim?" She replied, "I want to get weighed!" and they ambled over to the weight guesser...

He guessed 120 pounds and when she got on the scale, it read 117, so she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris wheel and when the ride was over, John again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed!" she said and back to the weight guesser they went.
<...

A child comes to a carnival on the night before his 14th birthday.

They go to the "I bet I can guess your age" booth. The man says, "13 years old."

"Aw, man. You got me." said the kid.

"Nice try.", the man said. "Come back next year."

"I will!" the kid said in response.

A few hours later, he comes back to the stand.

"I've seen you...

What's Iron Mans favourite ride at the Carnival?

The Ferrous Wheel.

I asked the carnival worker how the trainer had taught the duck to dance.

He said I don't know, I only turn the hot plate on.

Did you hear about the movie where the carnival ride refuses to go to work?

It's called Ferris Wheeler's day off.

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

The 15 year old Goldfish I won at a Carnival, died the same day my Grandpa did 15 years ago today.

The Goldfish wasn't as easy to drown in a bowl of food.

A redneck walks along the carnival with a pig on his shoulders...

...' did you win that on the carnival? ' Someone asks....

'Sure did !!' the pig answers.

One day this old couple were at a carnival...

The man said to his wife:
“Honey, can we go on the helicopter ride?”
The wife says:”no, it says to be quiet so the pilot can focus, but you always shout. Even though, it says it’s $10 and I didn’t bring my money.”
The man keeps asking his wife until the pilot came up to them:
“Hey, I hea...

Stan and May went to the carnival like every other year...

And every year

Stan would see the attraction he wanted to go

But May would always say: "It's 10 dollars,and 10 dollars is 10 dollars"


The operator of the attraction overhead what they said and went to them and said : "I'll make you a deal, I'll let you go on the ride for fre...

A guy asks a girl to the carnival.

She says yes! So they meet up and head out for their date.

He wasn't the only one with this idea. There were so many people there that there were lines around the block to get in.

When they were finally admitted, they wanted to go on some rides. So they found the Ferris wheel line and ...

I was recently fired from my job operating rides at the carnival

My lawyer has advised suing for funfair dismissal

The poor father of a Chef sees an ad in the local newspaper: "Come visit the Carnival and see our newest attraction, the Great Winged Monster!"

So the man makes his way down to the Carnival and pays the $2.00 admission price to get inside.

While inside the Carnival grounds he walks around, seeing ads for rides, games, food, and even shows! After a couple hours he finally sees it, a sign outside an obscure looking tent saying 'Great ...

First (last?) date at a carnival

A man met a girl online, and eventually arranged to meet up at the local carnival, which was in town for the weekend. Upon meeting, the guy asked her what she wanted to do first, to which she said "I want to get weighed". Naturally, this wasn't what he expected, but figured what the heck and they ...

A man goes to the carnival

A man goes to the carnival with his family, and they decide to split up to enjoy the rides. The husband walks by a tent with a sign advertising a fortuneteller. He doesn't believe in such things,but decides to go inside anyway.

A woman looks up from a small table with a crystal ball and spea...

What kind of food do they serve at a Mexican carnival?

Carney asadas

My 2-year-old wouldn't come out of the carnival bounce house, so the attendant had to go in and get him

I really thought I wouldn't have to worry about him getting thrown out of places by bouncers until he got older.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a Nazi’s favorite carnival game?

Whack-a-Pole

Did you hear about the carnival fires?

They were intense.

The carnival is in town so Bruce invites Garry to spend a romantic warm summer evening with him wandering around the attractions.

Bruce wins a Cupie doll and gives it to Garry. They eat corndogs and cotton candy and both of them are thinking this is the best night of my life.
Then they come across the giant ferris wheel and Garry says “lets go on that big wheel it’s my all time favourite ride in the world.”
Bruce says “...

A man takes his son to see the fortune teller at the carnival

After looking at the crystal ball for a bit, the old gypsy woman is noticeably crestfallen.
"You poor bad-luck child. Tomorrow your pet will die, the week after that your best friend dies, and finally in a fort night your father will die."

The father and son are both shocked and the fath...

What do you call a rigged carnival?

An UnFair.

Old couple at the carnival

An elderly couple John, and Janice go to the carnvail where John spots a helicopter ride. He runs over and says to his wife "Janice I've always wanted to go on a helicopter ride and look its only ten dollars". Janice then says "John why would we pay money to go on a ride ten dollars is ten dolla...

Damn Carnies

A redditor is at a carnival when he walks up to the fortune tellers tent. Inside sits an old gypsie lady infront of her crystal ball and tarot cards. Not wanting to be scammed first he tries to haggle the price down. When she won't budge he asks for some proof she can tell the future and he will com...

Fifty dollars is fifty dollars.

Harold lived on a farm and his wife,Mabel, who was always sort of nagging him. And every year the carnival roll into town and have these $50 helicopter rides. He always wanted to take one of these helicopter rides but his wife told him they weren’t going to waste money on it. Then one year when they...

A customer at work told me this the other day, thought I'd share!

A husband and wife have been married for about 50 years. And every year, a carnival comes to town where they have rides, games, and a pilot who offers rides for $10! Now, every year, the husband asks his wife if she'd like to do it. Her response is always, "no, because even though it's not that much...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every year, Murray entered the state lottery hoping to win...

He never did.

One day, after praying vigorously and hoping for God's message, he headed out to the State Fair. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Liz's carnival stall. She was bending over and he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see the number 7 written on each of her butt...

A magician is traveling through Europe performing his flashy new fountain-pen act

He sells out shows in Paris, London, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. People begin calling him "Bic Jesus"

Everywhere he went, crowds would gather to see him perform his Montblanc mastery. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him.

This all changed one fateful spring day. The...

A man decides to ask out the quiet girl from town...

He shows up to her home and asks her mother to call for her. The only thing to do in their small town is a carnival in town so after a long quiet drive they make it to the fair. After walking around not talking the man, frustrated, asks her, "What did you have in mind for tonight?" She responds, "we...

A great joke for a date (Also, my first post)

So a man, Bill takes a young lady, Kelly, on a date. He decides to take her to the carnival. Upon asking what she wants to do, Kelly says, "I want to get weighed."

A bit confused, the man takes her to the weighing station, where the man gets her weight right on the third guess.

Havin...

What's unfair?

Someone stealing a letter from the carnival sign.

A guy and a girl go on a first date.

They go to the carnival that is in town. The guy asks her, what's the first thing you want to do? She says to get weighed. He's says alright let's go, takes her to the carny that that will guess her weight. The carny guesses 108lbs, she says he's wrong that she's 112lbs. So she gets to pick out a s...

So there's the two guys...

One plays a contrabass saxophone and the other plays a contrabassoon. They decided to get together and start playing music for the local townspeople. After a couple months of working up their reputation and getting a few more gigs at some fairs and carnivals, they decide to go big with their talent....

A good joke for a date

Joe takes Kelly to a carnival on a blind date. Joe asks, "what would you like to do first?" and Kelly replies, "I want to get weighed." So they visit the weight guesser who predicts that Kelly weighs 130 pounds. Since she only weighs 110 pounds, Kelly wins a stuffed animal.
Joe asks what she wou...

A friend emailed me this joke. I hope it's not a recent repost! A travelling salesman is visiting a small town in southern Georgia, when...

...he spots a flyer on a telephone pole advertising a circus and carnival held by the locals for charity. But what REALLY catches his eye was the extra-large-type proclaiming:
“Don’t Miss the Amazing Perfesser!”

Curious, he buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts.. animals, cl...

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