UPJOKE
hippieemohippyhipstersgrungygothretroslackerartynerdgrungeyuppiegeekpreppiewaspy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girls are shaving their pussy these days and hipsters are growing beards

So the amount of hair in society is still the same...just on different cunts.

Credit: Jimmy Carr

Why don’t hipsters like the Mississippi River?

It’s to mainstream

PSA: the term “Hipsters” is politically incorrect and is considered an offensive slur in many circles

Please use the medically-recommended term “conjoined twins” instead.

Saw two hipsters at the mall today who got really upset when I called 'em that.

Apparently, the correct term is "conjoined twins".

Authorities close investigation on the group of hipsters found dead in a pond last week.

Turns out they were ice skating before it was cool.

Why'd the Hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

Why do hipsters always burn their mouths?

They eat their food before it gets cool!

Why do you always burn your tongue on coffee from the new “Hipster” coffee shop?

Because you were drinking it before it was cool.

You know you're a hipster when...

You iron your non-iron shirts just to be ironic.

Did you hear about the depressed hipster?

They found him in his garage, with a hose in his drivers side window, leading to the charging port of his Tesla.

How did the hipster refuse a romantic engagement?

He said he was bespoken for

I'm an environmental hipster

I believed in global warming before it was co... nevermind.

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

A Hipster and a Duck

Part 1.
A hipster walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender goes “Hey, where did you get that?”
The duck goes “In Brooklyn, there’s thousands of them!”

Part 2
A hipster walks into a Brooklyn bar with a duck on his head. The bartender asks “What can I do for you?”
The...

Why is the hipster sweating?

Because he wore a scarf before it was cool.

What's the worst thing to say to a hipster?

You remind me of someone

How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.

How do you make a hipster come?

Give them a second-handjob

What does a hipster crow say?

“La croix! La croix!”

Why do Hipsters keep drowning while iceskating?

Because they did it before it was cool

You’re so hipster...

You’re so hipster you thought IHOP was an internet brewery.

What did the hipster say about the Chilean miners?

I liked them so much better when they were underground.

I farted in a room full of hipsters.

They spent two hours arguing who heard it first.

Why do hipsters only use the microwave?

They don’t like conventional ovens.

I threw a hipster into the Mississippi...

Guess whose mainstream now?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did the hipster burn his rectum?

He put a light bulb in his butt before it was cool.

So there's a new strain of Coronavirus that effects Hipsters...

You probably haven't heard of it.

Ever notice you never see any necrophiliac hipsters?

Must be too hard to screw em before they're cool.

A hipster goes to the doctor...

A hipster goes to the doctor and says, "I don't feel like myself lately. I feel tired all the time and I don't take the same pleasure from the things I used to". The doctor says he will draw blood and conduct some tests. A few days later, the doctor calls the hipster and says, "I've found the cause ...

What does a Reddit mod and a hipster have in common?

Mods self-isolated before it was cool.

Why did the hipster empty water from an ice cube tray into his drink?

He liked ice before it was cool

Why was the hipster fish late to the party?

Because he didn’t take the mainstream.

The hipster burnt her tongue

she sipped her coffee before it was cool



*By: my lovely sister :D*

Hipsters are like racists

No one admits to being one

Why did the hipster's stomach hurt?

He had indie-gestion.

What do you call a scandinavian hipster?

A Norvegan

what's the best place to drown a hipster?

in the main stream

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to set up my hipster friend with this awesome guy. He’s rebellious, has dope beard and long wavy hair, hangs around with quirky outcasts, hikes, doesn’t want to own useless crap and knows all the coolest party tricks.

Yeah. Turning hipster girls into Christianity is surprisingly easy.

I guess I’m a hipster.

I’ve been self-isolating for years already!

The latest hipster music craze plays songs at a frequency of 50000 Hz.

You probably never heard of it.

Why are monsters hipsters?

Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.

How did the hipster burn his fingertips?

He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool.


[rimshot]

What did the hipster say the day after Thanksgiving?

I liked the leftovers before they were cool.

How do you get a hipster to take a shower?

Give them a leaky showerhead.


You know, so they can avoid the main stream.

Why was the hipster's bowtie wrinkled?

Cuz he wore it unironically.

Hipster bakers...

It's a rising trend.

How do you know if someone is a vegan hipster with an iphone that vapes?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What's a hipster's favorite kind of cigarette?

Yours.

What’s the difference between a hipster and a necrophile?

Hipsters won’t get into anything once it’s cool.

i shot a hipster in the knee

now he's a hopster.



(Sorry, german Joke.. i tried my best to translate it so it still makes sense)

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs?

He's a Pabst-ist.

Edited to help /u/visualshocker get the joke

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