There are no words in the dictionary that start with “O” and end with “e”

Actually, I can think of one

I just found the worst page in the entire dictionary.

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.

A man asked his friend," what do you call a dictionary on drugs? "

His friend replied," If it is addictionary I swear to God I am going to kill you."

The man replied," I was going to say ' high definition ' but yours is better.

I'll never use that dictionary again...

The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.

My buddy Mark stole my dictionary once

As he was running away I yelled “Mark my words!”

After a long day, I come home to see that someone tore the front and back pages of my dictionary.

It just went from bad to worse.

I bought a dictionary and when I got home I realized all the pages were blank...

I have no words for how angry I am.

When you have finished reading the dictionary

Every other book is just a remix.

What’s the longest word in the dictionary?

Smiles. Because there’s a mile between the two S’s

I just memorized six pages of the dictionary...

I learned next to nothing.

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

High definition.

I keep telling people gullible isn't in the dictionary

Don't believe me look it up

I'm performing in a theatrical production of the dictionary this weekend

Its a play on words..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a koala bear walks into a brothel.

He picks out the best looking girl, and heads upstairs with her. While up there, he eats her out like a madman, doing things she's never even heard of. After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.

The girl stops him and demands payment.

The koala doesn't understand. She has him l...

Have you ever looked up the word “whistle” in the dictionary?

I found it a bit under whelming.

Covid has me really bored at home so I read the entire dictionary and actually found a word spelled wrong.

Wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet...

The first caller get's through,

"Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?"

"Goan!"

"Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Yeah, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call.

After several more calls t...

I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary.

I told him, "Mark, my words!"

A girl just finished telling her problem to a dictionary, thesaurus and an atlas...

The dictionary replied, "I know what you mean"

The thesaurus said, "I feel the same way"

And the atlas said, "I can see where you're coming from"

I’m tearing out pages of the dictionary.

I’m up to Mischief.

I've lost the dictionary

"Can you look upstairs?"

I can't look up anything

Did you hear that they're making a Broadway production based off the dictionary?

It's a play on words.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what they call someone who molests children using an online dictionary?

A Wikipaedophile

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Some people say there’s no difference but there is.


When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE!


When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED!


And if you marry a wife like mine who likes shopping, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!

Kind of lame jokes I make up for myself after reading the dictionary.

Someone asked was I being sesquipedalianist just to make a joke on reddit! Which I repudiate!

My friend: the newest edition of the Anger Management Dictionary still doesnt have the word "patience!"

Me: Just wait.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The acronym "NSFW" has just been removed from the dictionary

Like who the fuck can go to work?

Why is a dictionary dangerous?

Because it has dynamite in it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking through the park and came across this guy typing on an old-fashioned typewriter.

He tapped his chin for a second before saying, "Othello" and began typing away.

Being the curious jerk that I am, I peered over his shoulder to see what he was doing.

He had typed "Othello" on one line and followed it with a description of the name as classically used in the English ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Like grandma always says: if you want sympathy...

You can always find it in the dictionary between syphilis and shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soldier who has recently been promoted to corporal is taken to a bar by his sergeant.

The sergeant orders ten shots of tequila. The corporal is about to order the same, when the sergeant says, "Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I'm sure!" replies the corporal. "I am no longer a private. I am a corporal now!" So the sergeant lets him order ten shots of tequila.

Afterw...

Webster's dictionary recently changed the spelling of Aquarius to "Ahquarius."

This is the donning of the "h" of Ahquarius.

What did the dictionary say when it got a cold?

I had thesaurus throat ever.....




I'll see myself out

I wrote a script about the dictionary for my local theatre

It's a play on words.

My brother has been writing a stage drama about a dictionary and a thesaurus. I'm really looking forward to it.

I love a play on words.

I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of weed and read the dictionary.

High definition.

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After the meal the waiter comes to the table to give the panda the check. Without a word the panda draws a gun and shoots the waiter dead. He then gets up nonchalantly and heads for the door. Seeing what just transpired the manager confronts the pan...

I used to believe that sticks and stones could break my bones, but words could never hurt me.

But then I got smacked with a dictionary.

No means no.

-page 47 of my Spanish to English dictionary

Dictionary namesake Noah Webster's funeral

Noah Webster was an important man in the field of lexicography. So when he died his wife, Miriam, decided to have a large funeral. Many people came out. Near the end, after the eulogy, Miriam asked if anyone else wanted to say something about her late husband. A man comes up to her and says, “I woul...

Funny fact

So there is people that have a fear of long words and it's called
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
And it is also one of the longest words in the dictionary.
Makes me chuckle

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

No dictionary has been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'. But I am here to set the record straight.

When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete'. If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finishe...

Have you read books?

They are just a remix of the dictionary.













This joke may be one here. I thought of it but someone else may have.

Cleanliness is next to godliness

This dictionary was a complete waste of money.

What do you call a dictionary that cannot leave taking drugs?

Addictionary.

I just want to thank the guy who lent me his dictionary to look for the meaning of the word plethora...

It means a lot

If I ripped out the first 100 pages of my dictionary, will I then be able to look up well, but and actually?

Well yes, but, actually no

My favourite word in the dictionary is “toned”

Great definition

Words in a dictionary were having a fight

'Honest' says, "My H is silent". 'Tsunami' says, "My T is silent". 'Island' says, "My S is silent".
'Queue' says, "Hold my beer stupids".

My dictionary, which I had since I was a kid, burned with my house.

I'm at a loss for words.

We're Sergeants Now!

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in." "But we're privates," protests Jasper. "We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm ...

I got a tattoo of a dictionary on my bisep...

I wanted to add definition to my arm

How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?

They’re both flying information.

Hot Dog

A foreign tourist was taking a walk around New York, but was getting very hungry and had only 2 dollars on him . Then, he saw a hot dog stand with a sign "Hot Dog - 2$". Unable to understand what's the meaning of "hot dog", he took out the dictionary. After a brief moment, he looked up in confusion ...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.

The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."

The Dictionary responds "Yo...

If I hit you with a dictionary...

...is it physical or verbal abuse?

Pages have been ripped out of the dictionary at the public library

Authorities are at a loss for words

Someone gave me a Dictionary that only went up to "S"

I have no idea what this means

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A panda bear walks into a restaurant

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it.
After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.

The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A radio station was running a competition – words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali...

DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”

DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Goan... spelt G-O-A-N.”

DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make se...

This morning I ripped 'afresh' and 'anew' from my dictionary.



Tonight, I will kill again

Trump was told that the word 'gullible' had been removed from the dictionary.

"Don't be ridiculous," he replied, "there's no such word as dictionary."

I'm like a human dictionary.

Because of all this definition (while flexing arm that has never been worked out)

Now that there is a musical about Alexander Hamilton, I'm going to make a Musical about the founding of the Webster's English Dictionary

It's going to be a play on words

You've heard the expression 'tit for tat'?

Well I've got more than enough [tat](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/tat). Anyone know where to go to trade it in for my reward?

^Edit: ^was ^not ^aware ^'tat' ^was ^a ^British ^term, ^sorry ^America

I opened the dictionary

To check the meaning of Practical joke. It said *see fooling*

I checked fooling and it said *see Practical joke*.

My school did a performance last year called "The Dictionary"

Turns out it was just a play on words.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Panda Walks Into A Bar

A panda walks into a bar and looks around. the bartender greets him enthusiastically asking “what can I get you?”. The panda approaches the bar and orders a small meal. The meal arrives and the panda eats all of it. Once finished, the bartender asks him how the food was. to his surprise, the panda p...

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

High definition

My dad ought to buy a dictionary.

He just said, "I need words with U."

I downloaded a swearing dictionary from the Pirate Bay and

Received a torrent of abuse.

I bought my Dad a cheap dictionary for Christmas.

He couldn't find the right words to thank me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My English teacher once said "You know you've got a good dictionary if it has the definition for fuck".

I told him, "I can do ya better, my dad's got 40 magazines that define and show examples of it!"

I gave my 4 month old son a dictionary.

He doesn’t walk so I thought it would get him from A to B quickly.

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