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Futures Jokes

My law firm specializes in grain futures contracts.

Barley Legal

Friends, Romans, Corn Futures Brokers,

Lend me your ears

What rodent helps reduce your risk when trading livestock futures?

A hedgehog

Three fetuses were talking about their futures...

"I'm gonna be a doctor when I grow up, and bring babies into the world" said the first one.

"I'm gonna be a preacher, and baptize babies!" said the next.

"I'm gonna be a murderer!" said the last.

"A murderer!" exclaimed the first two. "Why?"

"I'm gonn...

Dr. Strange: I went forward in time... to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.

Dr. Strange: I went forward in time... to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.

Me: How many did you see?

Dr. Strange: Fourteen million six hundred and five.

Me: Did I win any arguments with my wife?

Dr. Strange: ...One. ...

The future

Someone asked me the other day if I could see where I would be in 5 years.

Come on man, I wear glasses.

I don't have 2020 vision.

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