4 Norse gods, 1 roman god, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar. The bartender says "This is gonna be a week joke"
There's usually workers at supermarkets who temperature probe incoming deliveries
It's to make sure the temperature is below the required level and the produce hasn't spoiled.
They don't get paid for doing this, they just do it probe ono
[dad joke incoming] Why were the teenage melons sad?
Because they cantaloupe.
What do you all think about guillotines? [DAD JOKE INCOMING]
They’re good on paper, but I don’t really like the execution.
Bad joke incoming
I apologize in advance
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. A super calloused fragile...
Why did the pachycephalosaurus cross into incoming traffic?
Because it was a total bonehead.
What's the difference between incoming and oncoming?
I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.
It's a cannibalistic missile.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
[shitty joke incoming] A man just woke up from brain surgery...
Where he got a brain tumor removed. When the doctor asked if he was okay he said he felt light headed.
I got an emergency alert about an incoming missile on my phone today.
When I got it I went intercontinentally ballistic.
The Navy captain was approached by his lieutenant.
“Captain! There is an enemy ship incoming! They are armed with cannons and a hundred men with muskets and swords!”
“Very well,” said the Captain. “Fetch me my red shirt.”
“Why your red shirt, sir?”
“Because if I am wounded in the fight, the blood will be hidden by the shirt, a...
A woman is giving birth... (beware, dark humor incoming)
I am sorry for this joke.
A woman is giving birth. The doctor says, "You know, it's been said that telling a joke helps alleviate some of the pain."
The woman says, through her gasps, "Go for it, Doc!"
So the doctor begins, saying, "A man walks into a bar..."
Two men are hiking when suddenly their tent breaks
Two men, Paul and John, are hiking when suddenly their tent breaks. Unable to set it up for the incoming night until they can find a replacement, they decide they'll need to stay round someone's house who's willing to let the men in.
Paul and John go around knocking at houses and getting reje...
A couple live outside Buffalo, and are used to the rhythms of preparing for large snows.
One of these preparations for many years has been tuning in to the local radio station at 6:00 the night before a storm for an important announcement.
On a typical pre-storm night, the wife would tune in just prior to 6 to hear a message about which side of the street cars were to be parked o...
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
Moses, Jesus and a bearded old man are playing golf.
Moses hits a long one, but it rolls to a river. Moses raises his golf club, the waters part, and the ball rolls into the hole.
Jesus also hits a long one towards the same river, but just as it is about to fall into the water it stops and hovers above it. Jesus walks to the river, and chips it...
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?'' The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains,...