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Prediction Jokes

an Amazon native can predict the weather

Engineers were preparing to build a highway in the middle of the Amazon forest when a native rocked up and told them to seek shelter because there would be heavy rain in 2 hours. The engineers looked up at the clear sky, didn't heed the man's prediction and continued with their work. In exactly 2 ho...

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Psychic Prediction Convention 2018

[CLOSED] Due to unforeseen circumstances.

Living beside a groundhog means you get one prediction every morning.

Yesterday I learned that my tomatoes will be ripe in 6 weeks.

Today I learned that my dementia is onset and early.

Cars 3 Prediction.

Mcqueen's driving in the woods. There's no one around and his phone is dead. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots him: Shia LaBus.

Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

Where do meteorologists save their wheather predictions?

In the cloud.

I never make predictions.

I never have and I never will.

Predictions of the relationship fallout of quarantine:

In one month divorce rates will spike.
In 9 months birth rates will spike.
In 13 years and nine months we will have quaranteens.

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I made a prediction my wife would not want to have sex tonight. When I got home . . .

She made a pre-dick-shun.

My prediction for the fight.

I predict Mayweather with a massive right hook and an uppercut to finish it. Then once he's done practicing on his girlfriend, he will lose on points to Manny.

I was told, if I voted for Hillary, they predicted Obamacare would continue and we'd go to war with Syria...

I did, and the predictions came true!

MacBeth meets the three witches on the marsh.

''Hail MacBeth. For a fee we will predict your future.''

-''Really? How much?''

''10 Pence per predicted year.''

''I want a prediction for my *whole* life.''

''That'll be 5 pence.''

- Herman Finkers

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