Living beside a groundhog means you get one prediction every morning.

Yesterday I learned that my tomatoes will be ripe in 6 weeks.

Today I learned that my dementia is onset and early.

Where do meteorologists save their wheather predictions?

In the cloud.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bet my friend that she couldn't stay away from cock for a whole month. We called the bet the

Prediction

Weather Journalist

A film crew was on a location deep in the Arizona desert. One day an old Red Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain".

The next day it rained. A week later, the red Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm".

The next day there was a hailstorm.

"Th...

Predictions of the relationship fallout of quarantine:

In one month divorce rates will spike.
In 9 months birth rates will spike.
In 13 years and nine months we will have quaranteens.

I never make predictions.

I never have and I never will.

A magician on a cruise ship

Is doing magic for a particularly rough crowd. There's a man in the audience with a parrot in his shoulder that is giving away all the tricks.

Every time he does a card trick the bird would scream," Its up his sleeve."

Every time he makes something disappear the bird would scream," s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Psychic Prediction Convention 2018

[CLOSED] Due to unforeseen circumstances.

I was told, if I voted for Hillary, they predicted Obamacare would continue and we'd go to war with Syria...

I did, and the predictions came true!

Cars 3 Prediction.

Mcqueen's driving in the woods. There's no one around and his phone is dead. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots him: Shia LaBus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adolf Hitler goes to a fortune teller to have his future read to him...

He walks up to the gypsy and she looks deep into he crystal ball. She tells him that he would die on a jewish holiday. Hitler, stunned by her prediction, seems worried and asks her what makes her so sure of her prediction. She replies “Because any day that you die on will be considered a jewish h...

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