In a job interview today, my prospective boss asked if I could perform under pressure...

Nah, but I can take a crack at Bohemian Rhapsody.

NASA officials were interviewing three prospective astronauts to sent to Mars on a dangerous one-way trip

Only one of the three would go, and that candidate would never return to Earth. The interviewer asked the first candidate, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid to go.

"One million dollars," replied the engineer, "and I want it donated to my alma mater, Rice University."

The inter...

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer. As they walked along a fence line the buyer saw bee hives and stopped. He said, "Those hives are pretty close to the road."

The farmer explained that the bees just made honey and have never stung anyone.

The bu...

You know, they're making the prospective Mars astronauts shave their whole bodies prior to departure. That way, when it's time for blastoff...

they'll baldly go where no man has gone before.

An insurance agent who was talking to a prospective client

..at her home pointed to an exquisite vase on thesideboard and asked,"Do you keep anything in it?"

Yes, my husband's ashes,"came
the reply.

“I am sorry,” apologized the agent, “I did not know he was deceased.”

"He isn't-he is just too lazy to
hunt for an ashtray."

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year...

...and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight m...

Meanwhile at an ISIS training camp

A bunch of prospective terrorists gathered for their final training lesson before going into the field.

Their instructor said, “Now, watch closely, children. I can only show you how to do this once.”

"For your final police recruit evaluation,"

"there are six rounds in the cylinder" the Sergeant said as he slid a revolver across the desk. "I want you to go shoot five black men and a rabbit".

The puzzled prospective cadet responded, "A rabbit, sir?"

The Sergeant shot up from his seat with an outstretched hand, "welcome to the...

Buyer beware

A man wants to purchase some farmland, but is wary of the bees on the property. The farmer thinks the bees are harmless so he makes the prospective buyer a deal: he'll tie the buyer naked to a tree that has a bee hive for an hour, and if any bee stings him, the farmer will GIVE him the land for fre...

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A blonde prostitute is working the corner with her friends...

... when a prospective client walks up to her.

"H-how much?" the man asks. The blonde whispers the price in his ear, and he quickly agrees.

As they're walking away, her fellow prostitutes call out: "Aren't you forgetting something?"

The man turns back nervously, then feels for h...

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Horse Trading [Long] NSFW

So, there's a little person with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse. He finds his way to a horse farm and knocks on the door.
"Do you have any hawthes fauw thale?" he asks the horse breeder.
"Why, sure we got horses. Are you looking for anything in particular?" asks the farmer.
"L...

Who's your daddy?

A father's daughter brought home her prospective fiancee

It was the first time he'd met him and he took the opportunity to quiz him a bit

"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked

"I have no job" he replied

"Really? Well how do you expect to provide for my daughter?"...

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An American man travels to Japan on business...

...and on his first night he visits a bar in Tokyo to experience the local nightlife. He meets an enchanting woman, and after several rounds of drinks and flirting, she accompanies him back to his hotel. They commence copulation, and in the throws of passion, the woman screams out "Machigatta ana! M...

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An old lady goes into a bank...

Coutt's Bank, to be exact, and asks to open an account. She is told, politely but coolly, that they are a very exclusive bank and have stringent requirements for prospective clients. "I know," she says. "May I see the manager, please?"

She is shown into the manager's office and repeats her re...

Hillbilly tries to get into Heaven

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him that, because of severe overcrowding, all prospective heavenly souls had to pass an intelligence test to gain admittance. “Are you ready?” St. Peter asked?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg shrugge...

Selling the Farm

A farmer and his wife decide to sell their land and move to Florida to retire.

A prospective buyer comes by and likes the place, but there's a problem: He's deathly afraid of bees and, on a tour of the property, he noticed a lot of them.

The farmer says, "There's always been bees arou...

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This guy was sitting in a job interview...

This guy was sitting in a job interview with a prospective employer. The interviewer asked a range of questions, and was really impressed with this guy's answers.

Finally, he asked "What would you say is your biggest weakness?"

The interviewee responds, "Hmmm I would say that it's got...

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It's the last day of CIA special ops training...

From an original pool of 20 prospective spies only 3 are left. For the final test, they approach each of the final candidates separately.
The first candidate is given a gun. They tell him "Congratulations on making it to the final stage of testing. In that room over there we have your wife wai...

will you enjoy some humour?

Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!

------------ --------- ---------

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long li...

Wisdom of the Ancients

Two girls Have reached the ripe age of 18 in the small Russian Jewish town, but there's no groom in sight. The town's rabbi sends a letter to nearest Yeshiva to send proper grooms. Yossl and Yitzi are picked for the task and are sent on a train, to meet the prospective brides. Halfway there, Yitzi t...

This one's kinda long

Quasimodo is getting a little old, and he's starting to think about retiring. So he puts out an ad in the Paris Times asking for prospective bell ringers to come meet him at the cathedral for an interview. One of the first applicants is a man who doesn't have any arms. Quasi says to him, "I'm sorry,...

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