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A sex therapist decides to test out the theory that more frequent sex leads to more happiness

So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?”
A third of the people in the room raise their hands, each of them grinning widely, big smiles. “Once a week?” A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Onc...

Einstein walks into an bar with his brother, Eduard, a frequenter of the bar.

Once in the bar, Eduard sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Einstein does too.
The English bartender sees Einstein and says 'Who're you? I haven't seen you here before."
Eduard, in broken English, responds "This is Albert Einstein. He is brother."
The bartender raises an eyebrow....

My friend and I frequently give conjugal visits to an all-female prison, to remind the inmates what it's like for a selfless guy to go down on them.

It just gives us some scents of perp puss.

What is big, black, and frequently walked all over?

Asphalt.

A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he’s an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.

“I don’t think I am.” the horse replies.

*poof*

The horse disappears.

This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they’re familiar with the philosophical proposition of “Cogito Ergo Sum”, or “I think, therefore I am”.

But to explain that joke b...

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Coffee drinkers have sex more frequently than non-coffee drinkers.

But I guess that's bound to be the case when you're awake nineteen hours a day.

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A sweet, little old lady walks into a bar frequented by the baddest biker gang around.

She walks up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and say she wants to join. He can barely contain his laughter, and decides to have some fun with her before he tells her off.

"Do you even own a bike?" he asks.

"I do. It's parked right outside."

"Do you swear?"

"More ...

In the days before calculators, accountants were frequently unable to get their debits to balance with their credits.

So, in order to overcome the discrepancy, they often created a bogus account titled "Taste" to store the unbalanced amount and allow the books to balance.

Unfortunately, the government soon heard of this practice and declared a new law... there would, from this point on, be no accounting for ...

My friend is a frequent sperm donor

Get a load of this guy

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There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.

But his snake lost its appet...

I say "molto" frequently when speaking with my Italian neighbors.

It means ***a lot*** to them.

What do you call something that is often frequently taken but is not wanted most of the time?

Tests

People frequently tell me I'm condescending.

(meaning I talk down to people)

People keep telling me the fact I lost my ability to smell could be due to Corona and I should get tested.

That's nonsense, I think it's due to the frequent washing.

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I majored in Exercise Science in college..

In one of my earliest classes, my professor explained the principal of "use it or lose it". Basically, if you don't work out and stress your muscles and nervous system on a relatively frequent basis, as you get older your muscles, reflexes, and overall abilities will diminish over time. She tells th...

Why do Pirates love to frequent Reddit?

It's the best place to exchange stolen content for gold!

A time traveler arrives in the year 2069 and decides to check in with Reddit to see if it's still around.

To his surprise it is. So he heads to /r/jokes to see what has developed in the world of humor.

To his surprise, each post consisted of just a number. Scrolling through, he saw that each vote had a hundreds of upvotes while 3527 had thousands and several awards to boot.

Puzzled, he ...

As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus.

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An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas."

She continues "Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."

The next week the old lady returns. "...

What works best against those frequent reposts on /r/jokes?

Alzheimer's!

Obviously, many redditors have chosen it already.

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One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.

As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine ...

Why is autism less frequently diagnosed in non vaccinated kids?

You gotta be alive to have autism.

Snoop Dogg must have the call the exterminator pretty frequently

He's been dealing with a lot of roaches over the years.

A man joined the Navy and was stationed on a sub

A man went to the Navy and was stationed on a sub.

This submarine had a system in which service members were stationed at a certain place.

On the third day of his career, he was moved to a different station for work.

On the fourth day, it happened again.

On the fifth day,...

A bumblebee rushes to the airport, running late for his flight

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip. He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose and unstraighte...

A woman had male and female dogs. She noticed the female dog had a bit of a temperature. Not wanting the male dog catch the lurgies.......

She thought about keeping them separated. But she had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to dis...

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My wife loves me so much...

...when my doctor told her that more frequent sex would improve my health, she killed herself.

Have the Alabama jokes become too frequent on this sub?

Nope. They are the pinnacle of humour. Keep making them, I incest.

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Having frequent sex keeps your memory alive.

So, on that note, I wish you all a happy 2016!

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At the end of our first date, I sheepishly asked, "So, how do you feel about sex?" Giggling and blushing, she whispered, "I like it infrequently." Puzzled, I asked...

"I see. Is that one word or two?"

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A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke, “Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.”

“I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.”

“I agree,” says the Fa...

A plane is full of a bunch of Redditors...

And suddenly a man starts having a heart attack. One of the flight attendants (who frequents r/AskReddit) notices this and quickly shouts: “People of the plane, we’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?”

Immediately, five people stand up and all say, “I’m not a doctor, but…...

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So I recently got engaged, and used to visit my future in-laws' house quite frequently...

My fiance had a step sister, who used to tease me a lot. She used to stared at me across the dining table, used to bend down while wearing a skirt, etc.

A couple of days before the wedding, she called me at the house to help her make the invitation cards. When I arrived, there was no one at t...

Mabel goes to the Doctor

Old Mabel goes to her Doctor's office for her regular visit.
At the end of the appointment her Doctor says "You seem to be doing very well Mabel. Is there anything you want to discuss before we end?"
"Well Doc, there is one small thing but it really is nothing worth your time" Mabel says.
T...

Carobs grow on carob trees in warm climates. They are frequently transported to other regions by air.

Usually by pilots of the carob bean.

My mother-in-law frequently yells out a, e, i, o u and sometimes y very nastily.

I asked her why and she says she can't help it. She has irritable vowel syndrome.

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A therapist runs his business out of a parking garage...

He frequently meets people that are going through a lot.

What did the Frequently Asked Question say when it stubbed it's toe?

"FAQ!"

The waiter had a spoon in his pocket

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw t...

Why do spaniards frequently plagiarize essays?

Because nobody inspects the Spanish exposition!

I was worried my wife was cheating on me because she made frequent trips to the supermarket late at night...

She said not to worry, she was just going out to get bred

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A woman has been experiencing frequent bowel movements

A woman went to the doctor with a crappy problem for a while. “I wake up every morning, have my cup of coffee, and at 8:15am I’ll have a bowel movement” she explained to her doctor.

The doctors runs some tests and comes back with the results. “Ma’am, it seems to me that you have three little...

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Poor old Jim finds out his wife is cheating with his best friend.

He wants to hire a hitman to put an end to their affair. The private investigator Jim hired recommends a guy who's supposedly the top in the field. Jim only has a few thousand dollars in savings, though, after the lengthy surveillance campaign, and he worries it won't be enough.

"That's okay,...

A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.

He is the seoul breadwinner

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So this guys goes to the doctor because he is often delirious

The doctor says;

“Listen, take this syringe, go home, and inject some anti-bacterial dish soap RIGHT into your veins”

The guys says “Ok” then goes home and does exactly that.

The next day he returns and says “Doctor, i did what you said, and it made my penis shrivel into a lit...

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My ex begged me frequently to drag my balls across her face(nfsw)

Turns out she's sackreligous.

What do you call it when Argon, Neon, Krypton, Xenon, Radon, and Helium frequently attend church?

Noble Masses.

An older lady visits a doctor to seek help with her frequent gas issues.

**Lady:** Doctor, you've got to help me. Lately I've had uncontrollable gas. Fortunately all my toots are silent and emit no odor. As a matter of fact, in the few minutes you've been in here I've probably tooted 10 times and you can't even tell.

**Doctor:** I see. I have a couple of ideas. Le...

I frequently lie awake at night...

...wondering what keeps insomniacs from sleeping.

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A chiropractor was talking to his client, his client mentioned that he lived on an acreage and invited the chiropractor over to hunt on his land.

The chiropractor was not a frequent hunter, so he calls up his buddy to come with him. They get up to the clients land, and the chiropractor goes to the door to let the client know they will be accessing their land. The client says, ‘no problem. Could I get a favour from you first though?’ See that ...

What type of insects frequent Muslim places of worship?

Mosque-itos!

'I'm sorry' and 'my bad' are frequently used interchangeably...

... but never at a funeral.

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips?

I worked on a farm for 5 years so I used FarmersOnly.com pretty frequently

You didn't even need a pickup line, just a pickup truck

I give frequent lectures about informative and interesting topics underwater.

For academic porpoises.

Hillary Clinton has been frequenting a new restaurant, reports say.

I guess the main appeal of it is her own private server.

What do you call frequently angry glass

Tempered glass

I'm so sorry

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What do you call a snowman that frequently has sexual intercourse?

A snowplow.

What do you call a guy who checks his blood sugar frequently?

Sir Lance A. Lot

My grandfather was always playing pranks on people.

My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. He was originally from Ireland before he moved to the US. He fit all of the stereotypes of an Irishman, having red hair and beard, constantly being at the bar, and having an accent so thick that I could barely understand him even though I knew him ...

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So PornHub recently revealed what people all over the world were searching most frequently; finally answering a question I've always asked...

What is this world coming to!?

Job interview for a TV news anchor

At a job interview for a TV news anchor an applicant seems very qualified and well suited for the job. But the recruiters notice an uncontrolled wink in the man's right eye. They tell him that he'd be great for the job if it wasn't for the frequent winking, which probably won't go down well with the...

What do you call the most interesting virus in the world?

The dosequis virus.

No but seriously - let's move pabst the jokes.

Wash your hands frequently; of coors stay home if you're sick; and last, but not least, budweiser.

I love the word frequently...

I try to use it as often as possible.

Do you know why W. S. Gilbert was frequently drunk on his Trans-Atlantic crossings?

Because he was quartered on the port side.

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Annoyed by a professor who frequently used “off-color”

examples to augment class lectures, a group of students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor, however, got wind of their scheme. Just before class the following day the professor bided time, touching on a few...

A rabbit walks into a pub...

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following ...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits at the bar and orders a shot of whisky. While his drink is being poured, the man spots a jar of ten dollar bills sitting by the peanuts labeled, “bar challenge”.
Curious, the man asked the bartender what was up with that.
“That there is the current jackpot for this months bar challen...

Technology

Google has a purchase recommendation feature.

It essentially looks over your shoulder when you are on the computer. It scans your emails, sees what you are doing on-line, what sites you frequent, who you talk too, what you talk about and what you spend your money on. Then it tells you what y...

I think my local bakers gone mad

Apparently he frequents the homeless shelter and is trying to make a dough-nation.

An older man was getting sicker and sicker as time went by...

The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age.

After a few weeks, the man has developed an incredible frequent and annoying cough.
His wife is annoyed and is constantly telling him to go the doctor, but the man kept refusing.

O...

A policeman knocked on my door this morning...

...but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He...

A young guy is buying condoms for the first time...

The pharmacy he goes to is in a high-crime area, so frequently stolen things like condoms are kept behind the counter. He sees a sign advertising condoms for $6.99 a box. Nervously, he approaches the counter.

"I'd like one box of condoms please."

"Certainly," says the pharmacist. "An...

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My Loving Wife

A couple years ago I met the love of my life. She's beautiful, intelligent, and compliments all of my weaknesses with her strengths. Recently, she became pregnant and I could not be more filled with joy. We found out we were having a boy, which was the perfect icing on the cake. Now there will be so...

Donald Trump claimed his trips to Mar-a Lago didn’t cost the taxpayers anything.

He paid for them with Frequent Liar miles.

(Thanks, father in law)

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Retirement Plan

Working people frequently ask retired people, "What you do to make your days
interesting ~"


Well, this was what I heard from a 60+ Senior Citizen & he said this about using time Productively...


"The other day, my wife & I went into town & went into a shop....

Corny joke

So a local state corn production and manufacturing company had an open house complete with free samples of their in house sweets and confectionery made from their finest corn.

The reception was fantastic and everything was going great, until one of the over zealous freeloaders (you know the ...

I'm positively delighted by funny internet memes.

So much so that I frequently can't even make it to the punch line without becoming giddy with laughter.

I suffer from, premature e-joke elation.

A boy wants to ask a girl to prom, and he really likes her so he goes all out...

He goes to the florist to buy some flowers, but the line is out the door. He thinks, "that's okay, she's worth it," and waits an hour in the flower line.

Next he goes to the candy store to get some really nice chocolates and again, the line is absurdly long. Again he thinks, "that's okay, I'...

My body is a temple.

It requires frequent animal sacrifice.

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Doctor Doctor. My butt hurts!

'Alright, let's take a look at it.' Says the doctor.
The man drops his pants and the doctor inspects his butt.
'Do you know you've got a rolled up $20 sticking out of your butt?' Asks the doctor.
'I do? Well pull it out!' Says the man and the doctor does.
'Oh my God,' Says the doctor, 'I...

A man, his wife, and his friend are running from zombies during the apocalypse.

After hours of running they finally find shelter in a old pub they used to frequent, before the world was ending.

They begin scouting for supplies when the man notices blood on his wife's shirt.

"Honey, what is that there, on your clothes?" he asks her.

"Nothing!" she says quick...

There were these two trees that lived in the middle of a meadow, all by themselves, one, a birch, the other, a beech...

Having nothing much else to do to pass the time, they engaged in frequent conversation with each other about whatever tickled their fancy.

Well, one year, a sapling took root between the two trees and having not much else to talk about, they argued about the sapling for years.

"It's a ...

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