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Regularly Jokes

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I learned recently that 9/10 men masturbate regularly

You don't want to know how the last guy does it...


Note: all my jokes I post here are originals I'm working on, so as always, feedback is good yadda yadda yadda

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[NSFW] A study just released shows that 84 percent of all people admit to masturbating regularly.

Scientists are very encouraged. The 16 percent rate of lying is the lowest they have ever measured.

What’s wrong with grown adults that regularly mess up they’re/there/their?

Their stupid

I feel sorry for the guys who regularly go to strip clubs...

Every time I go I think, "Man, I see some of these losers here every week."

What do you call it when a nun sins regularly?

Bad habits

Apparently Mike Tyson has a tiger that he regularly plays with

That’s really irresponsible. He shouldn’t be messing with wild beasts of nature like that. I know he thinks he’s nice and won’t bite, but Mike Tyson has shown signs of aggression before

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A lot of people seem surprised when I tell them I regularly have sex with my boss

One of the many perks of self employment.

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My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.

I think he's full of shit.

I'm regularly asked to be a photomodel for sports magazines, man's health, dietary topics etc.

I'm the guy in the "before" pictures.

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My older brother regularly has sex with tramps

I think he may be a hobo-sexual

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My wife and I have sex very regularly

It's once a year, but always on the same day, like clockwork.

My dentist asked me if I brush regularly.

"Yes," I replied. "And if you don't believe me, ask our pet horse. We share a toothbrush."

Did you know Boy George loves to regularly post jokes on Reddit?

He is a real Karma Comedian!

Does anyone know where I could find people with similar interests to regularly hang out with?

Asking for a friend.

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I hate that I regularly snort cocaine...

I'm not even addicted, it just smells so fucking good.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They both need to be changed regularly.

And for the same reason.

I once tried going to the local nunnery regularly...

But I just couldn’t get into the habit.

I don't regularly roll a joint, but when I do...

it's usually my ankle.

Two rabbis would go fishing regularly...

One day they decided to invite a priest that they had known for a long time. They reach their fishing hike and go out in their boat. One rabbi says: "hang on I forgot my lures," and he walks back to the shore for them. The priest stares wide eyed as the rabbi walks back over the water.

Some t...

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A priest was friends with Stephanie, a blonde woman who regularly attends his services.

As the priest was strolling through town one day, he noticed Stephanie's father holding hands with another man. Shocked, the priest calls his friend later that day to verify what he saw.

"Hey Stephanie, I believe your dad might be homosexual. Is this true?"

"Of course not! He would hav...

I regularly mess with the owner of the restaurant across the road.

I myself am a restaurant owner and regularly go into the restaurant across the street to mess with the owners head.

It started out small, changing the salt in the salt shakers for sugar. Removing the labels from tin cans so they wouldn’t know what’s in them. During this whole time the owner ...

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"My vagina is like the local gym," said my wife.

"What?" I asked. "Hot and sweaty?"

"No," she replied. "Only a few members use it regularly."

What's high maintenance and regularly goes down on everyone?

Servers. Everyone would include me.

TIL Asians regularly eat insects

I heard they love lice

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People say I'm crazy, but I regularly see my therapist...

It's a shame that she died years ago.

Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together.

They call it an orca-stra.

Why do neckbeards regularly expose themselves to illness?

Because it will attract Ma'ladies.

My girlfriend used to smoke regularly.

Then i slowed down and started using lube.

What do you call a dwarf who regularly rides the Paris Metro?

A Metrognome.

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“W...

A girl dances with you regularly but isn't into you. What does she see you as?

A step-brother

...sorry

Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly?

So he could look at others' faces.

A father regularly tells bedtime stories for his son

One day, the son asks the father if he could finally choose the book he wanted his father to read for him. The father reluctantly agreed and the son points to a book with a clock on the cover. The father immediately puts away the book, saying that he was saving it for later on.

Months pass wh...

What do you call a guy who works out regularly?

Jim.

A guy suffering with haemorrhoids regularly visits his physician for his ointment application.

This time the physician was on leave for the weekend, so he goes home and asks his wife’s help to apply his ointment instead. So he gets ready by going down on all fours, and the wife begins to apply the ointment. After a while he realises that his wife is resting only one hand on his shoulder and i...

A man dies one day and finds himself in Hell, much to his surprise.

The man has never sinned, he has attended church somewhat regularly and often gives to charity.

He asks at the gate if there has been a mistake to which the ferryman gives no answer.

He figures there is little hope for him, but somehow he will make the best of his situation.

He ...

Italian men regularly hit women...

...who make the mistake of standing too close while they are talking.

A man and his wife play petty games with each other regularly in order to one-up the other.

One morning his wife wakes him up hollering "I'm so much better than you that I even beat you at getting up in the morning".

This continued for some time, as his wife woke him up early and continuously drove home how better than him she was.

One day when he left for work his friend, wh...

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