What’s a pirates favorite element on the periodic table?

Gold. What the hell would they need argon for?

A man recently died after a periodic table display fell on him...

The official cause of death was "Exposure to the Elements".

Elements of the periodic table are being interviewed

The interviewer asks Oxygen what they are. Oxygen says "I'm a gas."


The interviewer asks Copper what they are. Copper says "I'm a solid."


The interviewer asks Bromine what they are. Bromine says "I'm a liquid."


The interviewer asks Roentgenium what they are. Roentgen...

I would tell a joke about the periodic table.

But sadly all the good ones argon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....

I should mind my own bismuth.

My favourite element in the periodic table is ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQSTUVWXYZ

Or, as it's also known, R gone

What does Mr Krabs have to do with the periodic table?

Agagagagagagag

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?

Au revoir.

If you ever encounter an evil witch show them the periodic table

They're good at chemistry

I auditioned for a musical about the periodic table

I got the lead role!

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

A married couple is lying in bed one night....

The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book. The wife gradual...

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

My friend drew a giant periodic table and tripped on number 10

He's fine, but he could have hurt his Neon that

Periodic table lesson

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?


"He-He!"



(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?

“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

The periodic table just got one block smaller

Scientists now say Plutonium is not a real element

What goes across the periodic table?

The periodic table cloth.

I periodically see my doctor and our conversations go like this...

Doc: your diet isn't great. Don't you think you should try to easy off on the salt?

Me: Na

Doc: you really should. You might develop respiratory issues and have trouble breathing.

Me: O

Doc: and try eating more fruits. They'll give you more vitamins and minerals

Me...

Which element of the Periodic Table is the poorest?

Antimony. ^I'm ^so ^sorry...

What did the rest of the periodic table say as gold went home at the end of the day?

Au revoir!

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

What’s the North Korean leader’s favorite periodic element?

Un un quadium. Then, uranium

My friend asked me if she could use my periodic table

I said "sorry, I left it atom"

My HS Chemistry teacher told us how to remember the periodic symbols for Silver and Gold-

If someone tried to steal your silver, you'd say A G, I lost my silver. But if someone tried to steal your gold, you'd say A U! Give me back my gold!

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!

Periodic abstinence as contraception can be successful, provided one meets three very strict conditions:

1. The woman must have a very regular menstrual cycle.
2. You must be able to count well.
3. And you must really love children.

Loosely translated from Herman Finkers. My favorite dutch comedian.

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