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Periodic Jokes

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What is a pirate's favorite element in the periodic table?

Gold. Why the fuck would a pirate need Argon?

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table...

Because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

My favourite element in the periodic table is ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQSTUVWXYZ

Or, as it's also known, R gone

Elements of the periodic table are being interviewed

The interviewer asks Oxygen what they are. Oxygen says "I'm a gas."


The interviewer asks Copper what they are. Copper says "I'm a solid."


The interviewer asks Bromine what they are. Bromine says "I'm a liquid."


The interviewer asks Roentgenium what they are. Roentgen...

I would tell a joke about the periodic table.

But sadly all the good ones argon.

I auditioned for a musical about the periodic table

I got the lead role!

Periodic table lesson

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?


"He-He!"



(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)

What does Mr Krabs have to do with the periodic table?

Agagagagagagag

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

Which element of the Periodic Table is the poorest?

Antimony. ^I'm ^so ^sorry...

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?

Au revoir.

If you ever encounter an evil witch show them the periodic table

They're good at chemistry

How many periodic elements does it take to turn on a light?

Sulfur, Tungsten, Iodine, Technetium, and Hydrogen.

Scientist has a pain that comes back periodically.

Keeps saying "aaaaah it Hertz"

A world renowned chemist dies.

A world renowned chemist dies. His will states that he wishes for all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be included with his body. They go to his wife and ask "Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?
To which she replies
"No, just Barium"

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table.

But skips Oxygen.

Periodic joke

Do you have any Nitrogen Monoxide jokes?

NO

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boyfriend should be on the periodic table...

Because he's the densest motherfucker I've ever met.

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?

“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc...

... because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron.

My friend asked me if she could use my periodic table

I said "sorry, I left it atom"

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously?

Silly-con!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In chemistry class the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy she said....

I should mind my own bismuth.

Periodic abstinence as contraception can be successful, provided one meets three very strict conditions:

1. The woman must have a very regular menstrual cycle.
2. You must be able to count well.
3. And you must really love children.

Loosely translated from Herman Finkers. My favorite dutch comedian.

I don't like guys who only make periodic chemistry jokes at parties.

I usually ask those Mendeleev.

My HS Chemistry teacher told us how to remember the periodic symbols for Silver and Gold-

If someone tried to steal your silver, you'd say A G, I lost my silver. But if someone tried to steal your gold, you'd say A U! Give me back my gold!

I periodically see my doctor and our conversations go like this...

Doc: your diet isn't great. Don't you think you should try to easy off on the salt?

Me: Na

Doc: you really should. You might develop respiratory issues and have trouble breathing.

Me: O

Doc: and try eating more fruits. They'll give you more vitamins and minerals

Me...

What did the rest of the periodic table say as gold went home at the end of the day?

Au revoir!

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