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Fixes Jokes

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'


EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling his mom hot if I reached all.

He sends his regards...

They say rubbing alcohol fixes outside wounds, so what fixes inside wounds?

Drinking alcohol!

What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?

A URL-ologist.

An Engineer accidentally goes to Hell instead of Heaven

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grain...

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

An engineer dies and mistakenly gets sent to hell

At first he’s in shock, he wasn’t supposed to end up here! But then he starts to look around & notice things.
Everyone is always so grouchy because of the heat, so he fixes the AC. And they’re always bored because there’s nothing to do, so he fixes the cable box. Slowly but surely he starts ...

What do you call an Egyptian doctor who fixes back problems?

A Cairo-practor!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who fixes boners?

An erectrician

Who fixes Princess Toadstool’s shoes?

The Peach cobbler.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband Fixes His Wife's Computer

After the repairs were completed, he was prompted to set up a new password, so he typed, "mypenis." Then, a warning messaged popped up that said, "ERROR! Not long enough!"

I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...

My personal spell Czech.

What do you call an electron who fixes cars?

A quantum mechanic.

Have you heard of the Irish guy who fixes garden chairs?

His name is Paddy O'Furniture

The guy that fixes my car is a Scottish Canadian

He’s a McCanuck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A butler is cleaning one of the guest rooms in a mansion when the lady of the house walks in.

She fixes him with an imperious gaze and cocks one arm on her hip "Charles," she says, "take off my dress."



The butler swallows hard, but he knows his duty. He puts his hands on the buttons of her dress and starts to undo them, one by one. More and more skin is revealed until finally,...

Have you heard of the good-looking chiropractor who fixes neck injuries?

She's a head turner

A man fixes a lightbulb, crosses the street, and walks into a bar. He tells the bartender:

"My whole life is a joke."

What do you call an Italian who fixes horse races?

A Rigatoni

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

What is it called when a metal worker fixes metal objects with metal tools?

Irony.

My friend has a job where he fixes lights

and the other week he was in an Indian restaraunt fixing some, and they were using these huge cauldrons to cook their food.

As he was attaching one of the lights he fell into one of thsee "cauldrons" and he was extremely injured, terribly unlucky.

Today I rang the hospital to see how h...

If something doesn't work, unplug it and plug it back in, it fixes it every time.

Except for Grandma.

What do you call a diabetic who fixes your internet and thinks the existence of God can't be proven or disproven?

A diagnostic.

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