UPJOKE
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Fixes Jokes

What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?

A URL-ologist.

They say rubbing alcohol fixes outside wounds, so what fixes inside wounds?

Drinking alcohol!

What do you call an Egyptian doctor who fixes back problems?

A Cairo-practor!

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'


EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling his mom hot if I reached all.

He sends his regards...

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

An Engineer accidentally goes to Hell instead of Heaven

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grain...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s Saturday morning. Bob’s just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon.

So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and calls home.
“Hello?” says a little girl’s voice.
“Hi, honey, it’s Daddy,” says Bob. “Is mommy near the phone?”
“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.”

After a brief pause, Bob says, “But you haven’t got an Uncle Frank, honey...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who fixes boners?

An erectrician

Have you heard of the Irish guy who fixes garden chairs?

His name is Paddy O'Furniture

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A butler is cleaning one of the guest rooms in a mansion when the lady of the house walks in.

She fixes him with an imperious gaze and cocks one arm on her hip "Charles," she says, "take off my dress."



The butler swallows hard, but he knows his duty. He puts his hands on the buttons of her dress and starts to undo them, one by one. More and more skin is revealed until finally,...

I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...

My personal spell Czech.

Have you heard of the good-looking chiropractor who fixes neck injuries?

She's a head turner

The guy that fixes my car is a Scottish Canadian

He’s a McCanuck

An old snake is feeling his age.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
...

What do you call an electron who fixes cars?

A quantum mechanic.

A man fixes a lightbulb, crosses the street, and walks into a bar. He tells the bartender:

"My whole life is a joke."

Who fixes Princess Toadstool’s shoes?

The Peach cobbler.

What is it called when a metal worker fixes metal objects with metal tools?

Irony.

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