UPJOKE
wharfmoorlandfastensecuredockberthfixtie upmarstonanchorheathheadlandfensholmestrath

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
upvote downvote report

Roy Moore is no longer interested in this year..

Because it’s officially ‘18
upvote downvote report

Why was Roy Moore waiting outside the liquor store when it opened?

He heard they had a 14 year old Brandy
upvote downvote report

What's the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-Vaxxer?

The Anti-vaxxer is against sticking it in kids
upvote downvote report

Two old farmers meet on a moor …

They had crossed paths numerous times over 20 years and never spoken a word. One day, one of the farmers stops and says to the other “My pig’s sick. Covered in red blotches and really looking ill.” The other one says “One of my pigs had the exact same thing. I gave her turpentine.” The next day they...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roy Moore says he’ll bring “Alabama values” to Washington, but I’m not so sure. I mean, he sexually assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn’t related to any of ‘em!

Moore’s law states that the density of transistors doubles every two years.

This is usually done by making them smaller.

Therefore, less is Moore’s
upvote downvote report

I sure hope Roy Moore wins today

Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.
upvote downvote report

Where do you moor two boats that contradict each other?

A paradox
upvote downvote report

Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate...

They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.
upvote downvote report

Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away

His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred
upvote downvote report

Roy Moor arrived at the polling station on a horse

His assistant misunderstood when Roy said he wanted to ride a 6 Year old bareback
upvote downvote report

What is Roy Moore's favorite piano key?

A minor
upvote downvote report

So after Sonic Youth broke up Thurston Moore was asked did he have any regrets when it came to the band

And he said “Yeah, 100%”
upvote downvote report

Why do many people keeping buying Mudéjar art?

Because it is Moor-ish!

>!I realise that this joke is relying on fairly uncommon words like Mudéjar, Moor and moreish - which will reduce how many people will enjoy the joke. But I didn't think that should stop it from being shared. Words explained below!<

>!Mudéjar art: Refer...
upvote downvote report

Benjamin Moore just came out with a new paint called blonde

It's not very bright but it spreads easily
upvote downvote report

Why is Roy Moore avoiding COVID-19?

He’d much rather catch COVID-16.
upvote downvote report

Hey, Roy Moore; what's the weather forecast?

Tonight, we'll be dipping into the teens.
upvote downvote report

So Sir Roger Moore has sadly died.

You could say he is in Double 0 Heaven now
upvote downvote report

Why did Roy Moore lose the election?

There’s a minimum age for voting
upvote downvote report

What did former Alabama Senator Roy Moore say about coronavirus?

It's called COVID-19, means I ain't gettin' it.
upvote downvote report

Roy Moore demanded a recount

The results came back that she was 14 and a half.
upvote downvote report

Roy Moore missed the New Years Eve countdown.

He’s demanding a recount.
upvote downvote report

Why was Roy Moore a bad music teacher?

All he knew how to do was finger a minor.
upvote downvote report

Roy Moore likes his women the same way he likes his constitutional amendments...

12 and Under
upvote downvote report

Met Roy Moore at a bar once...

Chatted him up about wanting to hook up with twenty-nine year olds.

He looked at me with disbelief and asked "how are you going to do all twenty at once?"
upvote downvote report

Doug Jones just won the Senate race against Roy Moore

I guess you could say he got Moore votes.
upvote downvote report

Why did Roy Moore go to Walmart?

He heard that girl's pants were half off.
upvote downvote report

Why is Roy Moore so mad about the election anyways?

He normally likes coming in a little behind.
upvote downvote report

What does Roy Moore and an e-book have in common?

They're both pdf files.
upvote downvote report

Why does Roy Moore like D.C.

Because, while the temperature is 30°, the real feel is in the teens.
upvote downvote report

Trump endorsed Roy Moore but not Don Blankenship...

I guess it's all right to mess with minors, but miners are off limits.
upvote downvote report

What did President Trump call Roy Moore's senate loss?

*"A minor setback."*
upvote downvote report

I see that Gary Moore didn't get any upvotes.

He's Still Got the Blues.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't Roy Moore live in a Northern state?

Because if the outside temperature drops into the teens he might try to fuck it

Sean Connery passed away peacefully in his sleep at age 90, he and Roger Moore were good friends...

They shared a Bond.
upvote downvote report

Roy Moore is in bed with a girl, and says "pretend you're 14". She found that really weird...

Her birthday was in 4 months anyway.
upvote downvote report

The real reason Roy Moore wanted to be in D.C.

He hasn't been banned from the National Mall
upvote downvote report

Why did Desdemona ask Othello to take the condom off?

She wanted to do Moor with less.
upvote downvote report

We already know Roy Moore's positions on crime and immigration. But, what about his position on children?

Missionary, mostly.
upvote downvote report

You've heard Moore's law and Boyle's law but have you heard of Cole's law?

It's chopped cabbage. Thanks for the correction
upvote downvote report

What's the difference between Bob Ross and Roy Moore?

One's a doodler and the other's a diddler.
upvote downvote report

What does Roy Moore and a guitarist have in common?

They both enjoy fingering minors.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roy Moore was sentenced to 14 months in prison.

The judge said he would've given him 14 years, but he was worried that Moore would ejaculate upon hearing the sentence.

Roy Moore opened a clothing store in Birmingham, but it was quickly shut down.

Parents were pretty upset when they realized "Teen girls clothes always half off" was the entry policy, not a sale.
upvote downvote report

Roy Moore is not happy with the events that transpired tonight

He liked it better when the night was young
upvote downvote report

What does Roy Moore call a high school track meet?

Speed dating
upvote downvote report

I don't understand all the uproar about Roy Moore lately.

It seems like a minor issue to me.
upvote downvote report

What's the difference between 2015 and Moore's Law?

One's the year of the ram, the other is the ram of the year.
upvote downvote report

The weather suggests that turnout will be in Roy Moore's favor today.

It is expected to dip into the teens.
upvote downvote report

Guy: I'm writing "Transformers": a crossover fanfic where Othello encounters Sauron...

Other guy: "why's it called "Transformers"?"

Guy: Moor then meets The Eye
upvote downvote report

What is the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-vaxxer?

Anti-vaxxers don't like to stick 'em while they're young.
upvote downvote report

In the Alabama senatorial race next week, Roy Moore is either going to win...

...or he's going to come in a little behind.
upvote downvote report

Did you see that Roy Moore had a high profile interview on Dateline NBC?

What was unfortunate for him is that it was with Chris Hansen, who started it by asking him to take a seat over there.
upvote downvote report

[NSFW] Why did Roy Moore never miss a local Girl Scouts' meeting?

Because Brownies are delicious.
upvote downvote report

Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama.

The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.
upvote downvote report

Alabamans were fine with Roy Moore dating teenagers as an adult until

they found out that he wasn't dating cousins.
upvote downvote report

What kind of spirits haunt an abandoned Benjamin Moore or Sherwin Williams?

Mineral spirits
upvote downvote report

Why is Roy Moore’s Strategic Planning Committee headquartered in Disney's Hollywood Hotel?

He likes to keep his staff in something 12 years old.
upvote downvote report

Tributes from around the globe are still pouring in after the death of Sir Roger Moore…

The one from Vladimir Putin read: "From Russia, with love."
upvote downvote report

I wanna ask Roy Moore voters how they feel about losing such a close race.

Unfortunately, I don’t speak Russian.
upvote downvote report

Wars in the Iberian Peninsula

Having forged a marriage alliance, the kingdoms of Castille and Aragon formed Spain, a united Catholic front to drive the Moors outside of Iberia.

One of the more important battles in the subsequent Reconquista was the siege of Cordoba. Though historians debate what exact tactics the command...
upvote downvote report

I’m really surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount in the Alabama election

Large gaps in numbers haven’t seemed to bother him before.
upvote downvote report

How did Othello enter Sauron’s kingdom?

Through the Moor door.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

...short story..

Last night I was watching an old Stalone / Banderas / Moore movie - Assassins, where Julianne Moore is telling a nice and old story that is worth following...

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so c...

I just read the most amazing book about a Moroccan wedding officiant.

It's called *The Moor, the Marrier*
upvote downvote report

I told my coworker he should introduce himself like James Bond

The name's Moore, Steve Moore. At least that's what the ladies say.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Michael Moore's first cut of a certain movie involved lots of pornstars and oral sex. But people didn't like it, so he cut that out. It wasn't the pornstars fault though.

They tried their best and were blowing for Columbine

Congratulations, your daughter is getting married.

Who is the lucky guy?

She is going to mary Tyler Moore.



Sorry for the terrible joke.
upvote downvote report

I hadn't picked up my guitar in years. But since quarantine started, I've....

Benjamin Moore
upvote downvote report

Nobody could understand Othello.

It's because he was speaking in Moor's code.
upvote downvote report

What does a sailing redditor tie up his boat to ?

A mooring repost, of course.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW I'm pretty sure James Bond was having sex in the hotel room next door last night!!!

All I kept hearing was his lover's voice screaming "***Roger Moore***"

True story from the in-laws.

Was at the in-laws' place (okay my girlfriend's parents') and was chatting with her father as grandpa was watching a James Bond film.

Father: Well, TheCapedMoose, who's the better bond, Shaun Connery or Roger Moore?

Me: I dunno, it's kind of a toss up...

Father: No it isn't, Sh...
upvote downvote report

Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici!

Roy Moore: Vidi, vici, veni.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a 14-year old girl and a Ferrari?

Roy Moore doesn't have a Ferrari in his basement.

The Alabama Senate elections are in! And even though it was tight,

Roy Moore came in a little behind.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I invented a new drink today; basically you start with a Shirley Temple and put a really old cocktail sausage in it.

I call it the "Judge Roy Moore".

Republicans: "We couldn't possibly lose Alabama!"

Roy Moore: "hold my beer kids"
upvote downvote report

How childish are Trump's tweets?

Let's just say Roy Moore would date them.
upvote downvote report

Dems haven't won a senate seat in Alabama since 1992

Unlike Roy Moore, they were capable of waiting 25 years.
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information