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A group of kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people word...

As a little kid, I was unusually confident. I even used to call my first grade teacher "Sweetheart!"

He hated it.

My neighbor who was a first grade teacher just got arrested for prostitution

I’ve know her for ten years

I never knew she was a teacher

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Student Says He’s Too Smart for First Grade.

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students named Johnny. One day, she asked Johnny what his problem was and he replied,
“I’m too smart for the first grade, my sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than her too.”

The teacher took him to the principal’s office a...

Little Jimmy is in first grade...

All his art work he has been bringing home from school is in black and brown. Fearing this may indicate a mental health problem, his parents take him to a psychologist for evaluation.

The psychologist says "First I would like to see a sample of your art work" and hands him a sheet of paper...

first grade level joke

why did the banana put on sun screen?

answer: so it wouldn't peel!

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Little Johnny has the foulest mouth in his first grade class

All the teachers at the school know this. One day, a teacher starts teaching her class the alphabet.

She says, "Class, who can give me a word that starts with the letter A?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, but the teacher knows Johnny is going to use a swear word, so she picks someone e...

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little...

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American

She shares the joys of being a part of the greatest country in the world, and asks her students to raise their hands if they are or want to be American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however,...

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Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal."

The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"

"A cat!" said Suzy.

"Good job. Now, what's this animal?"

"A dog!" said Ricky.

"Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

The class fell silent. After a couple ...

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The first day of first grade

The teacher asked the children what they had done over the summer.
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I went for a ride on the choo-choo."
"That's very nice," the teacher said, "but now that we are in first grade, we don't say choo-choo, we say train."
The next child raised her hand ...

A teacher calls her first grade class

from recess. She goes up to little Sally and asked, "Sally, what did you do at recess?" "I played in the sand box." "Good. Now, if you can spell the word 'sand' on the black board, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." So she spells the word right and gets a cookie. Then comes in little Billy. "Billy...

Security question: What was the last name of your first grade teacher?

My first grade teacher hacking my bank account: I'm in

Thank you to my first grade teacher for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot.

A first grade class walks in from recess...

The teacher asks Sarah: What did you do doing recess?

Sarah replied: I played in the sandbox.

The teacher says: “That’s good. Go to the blackboard and if you can write ‘sand’ correctly I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie.

She does and gets a cookie. The teacher asks Morris what h...

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One time in first grade at recess...

I went up to this girl I liked in my class and started talking to her. This lil asshole kid came up and loudly exclaimed "shes MY girlfriend" I was mad so I punched him as hard as I could in the nose. Blood and tears everywhere. In an act of passion I kissed the girl and the other teachers freaked o...

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A first grade student said, “Teacher teacher! Kyle has his pants down again!”

The teacher goes, “PRINCIPAL KYLE, IM’A NEED YOU TO GET OUT RIGHT NOW!”

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"

A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

A first grade teacher is looking to kill a few minutes at the end of the school day.

She asks the kids if any one has an interesting story that happened with their family.

One kid stands up and blurts out, "Last week my uncle fell down the well"

The teacher gasps and asks "Is your uncle ok?"

"I think so", answers the kid.

" What do you mean?", said the te...

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A teacher says to her first grade class

"Alright kids, from now on, we must use grown up words. Now Tommy, what did you do this weekend?"

"I rode on a Choo-Choo", said Tommy

"No Tommy, you rode on a train, please use more grown-up words. Now Jacky, what did you do this weekend?"
"I played with my woof woof", said Jacky...

Visiting my first grade son at school lunch today...

Me: How is school going so far?

Son: Good, I had a test.

Me: What was your test on?

Son: Paper.

First grade teacher: John, how did you manage to stop having spelling errors in your homework this week?

John: My mom is out of town.

A first grade teacher was trying to teach her students about animals

She said "What does the fat Cow give us?"
Her students shouted out "Milk!" Unanimously.
She then said "Well done! Now, what does the fluffy chicken give us?"
Her students responded with "Eggs!"
She then said "Good work! Now for the last question. What does the big pig give...

“Is ‘hobo’ a bad word for a first grade class?”

“Of course not, it’s a bad word for a homeless person.”

A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground

She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.

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A first grade teacher was having trouble...

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks ha...

A first grade teacher was giving a cookie to each student who spelt a word right

"Well little John" she said. "Can you spell Pig?"

"P-I-G" John said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then went to the next student.

"Hi little Susan" she said. "Can you spell Cow?"

"C-O-W" Susan said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher s...

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The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable.

Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?
After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day
Does anyone know another word.
I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
O...

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So 2 twins are going into first grade, and they lead some new "words" on the playing field

They aren't very good words, and their mother does not like hearing them at home. So one night she tells them before tucking them in "Those aren't very good words, and there will be consequences if I here them in this house again." So they replied "Sure mom!" So the next morning she asks Jimmy "Jimm...

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A young teacher is teaching vocabulary to her first grade class.

She draws an apple on the blackboard and asks, "can anyone tell me what this is?"

"That's an ass." says a student in the back.

"No..."

"That's definitely an ass." says another student.

After a few similar exchanges the frustrated teacher starts to cry.

The principa...

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Soon little Jenny is watching tv before going to first grade...

Mom: Enjoy the show while I take a shower

Jenny: May I take a shower with you?

Mom: of course dear

While in shower

Jenny: what's that down there mom?

Mom: well that's my vagina

Jenny: when will I get one of those?

Mom: when your older, we can discus...

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In a first grade class on the first day of school

In a first grade class on the first day of school, the teacher wanted to get to know all the students, so she had them all stand up and say their names. A little boy stood up and said that his name was "Mother Fucker."
"Excuse me?" asked the incredulous teacher.
"That's right ho, my name is Mo...

A first grade teacher asks her students, "What comes after 69?"

One student responds, "Mouthwash"

Tyrone' s 1st day in the first grade, he comes home crying...

When his mother asks why, he replies, "The teacher told us to say our ABC's and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to "E" why is that?"

Mom says, "Cause you black and they white."

Next day Tyrone is crying again .

"What's wrong today Tyrone?" Hi...

When I was in the first grade my teacher could remember my name

Which really hurt since I was home-schooled

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[NSFW] Little Johnny

The first grade teacher was reading the story of “The Three Little Pigs” to her class and came to the part of the story where the first little pig was trying to get building materials for his house.
She read: “And so the little pig when up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said:<...

What’s green and red and goes 100 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.

This joke brought to you by one of my first grade students who loudly shared it at lunch this week.

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A first grader kid, John, always asked his teacher, Kate, to place him in a higher grade's class.

"You put me in the wrong class, madam" he says, "I am at least as smart as my older sister bu she is in the third grade, I am not!"

He complained so much that Kate decides to take him to the principal and she tells the story. "Hmm" principal says, "Let's check if it's true or not. If he deser...

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Little Johnny in 1st grade!

The first grade teacher Mrs. Pyne gives an assignment to her students and she says, "I am going to give you a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that begins with that letter."

She goes in order and begins with the letter A. "Who can give me a word that begins with the letter A. Li...

A friend recently asked me if I had ever known a kid who was going places

I told him that I knew a blind kid who was definitely going somewhere. It was this boy in a first grade class that I was an assistant in. Everyone bullied him cause of his disability, kids are pretty terrible after all. They didn’t care about him or who he was, I’d wager half of them didn’t even ...

Smart first grader

A first-grade teacher can’t believe her student isn’t hepped-up about the Super Bowl. “It’s a huge event. Why aren’t you excited?”

“Because I’m not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too,” says the student.

“Well, that’s a lousy reason,” says the teacher. “What if your...

Little Johnny puts a dot on the blackboard (NSFW)

The teacher in her first grade class asks her students to come to the chalkboard and draw something that causes a lot of excitement and commotion. Little Johnny comes up and simply puts a dot on the chalkboard. The teacher asks "what is that?" Little Johnny replies, "it's a period." The teacher says...

Your mom is so fat

Her school picture from first grade is still printing

Hot teachers

Me: Man, I had some hot teachers growing up.

My friend: Ya, me too!

Me: My 5th grade teacher was banging! How about you

My friend: When I look back, my 1st grade teacher was really hot

Me: Wait, werern't you home schooled in first grade?

My friend: . . .

I like how you think.

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

49ers Fan

On the first day of school, a first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Seahawks fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the gi...

What are the four hardest years for a policeman?

First grade

The e-word

A young boy name Ivor had just entered the first grade. Around the middle of his first class, his hand shot up.

"Yes?" Said the teacher.

"Mrs. Pebbleworth," screeched the 8 year old, "Billy called me the e-word!"

"The what now?"

"The e-word!"

"What's the e-word?"<...

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Little Johnny’s father

First grade teacher is going around the class asking the students what their dads do for a living.

She asks Sally and Sally says that her dad is a lawyer and he puts bad people in jail.

The teacher asks Tommy and Tommy says that his dad is a doctor and he helps cure sick people.
...

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Career Day

I had just finished serving a wedding liturgy, when one of the groomsmen told the priest a joke I thought I'd share.

There's a Catholic grade school in Ireland, and Sister Mary Agnes teaches the first grade students. One day, she asks what they'd all like to be when they grow up. Little Eliza...

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Johnny's on a Roll (With his two black balls)(SFW)

Ms Wendall was a first grade teacher who had a bit of a morbid sense of humor. One day she said to the class, "I have an interesting idea. Everyday, I will ask a very hard question and who ever can answer it will get to leave the class early. You can't look up the answer on a smart phone or computer...

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Suzy and Johnny had to change school systems in the middle of the year.

Suzy and Johnny had to change school systems in the middle of the year. On their first day in the new school, Suzy went into her first grade classroom, and Johnny went to his fourth grade classroom.

In the first grade classroom, the teacher called Suzy up to the front and said "Class, we have...

Little Johnny nsfw

One day, the teacher asked her first grade class what part of the body did they think would go to heaven first when they died. Little Johnny's hand went up first but the teacher was afraid to pick him, because he was always embarassing her. She looked around and saw little Matt with his hand up.
...

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A moral to every story

A first grade teacher asks the kids in the class to tell a story that has a moral to it.

The first kid says, "Ummm I was walking with my eggs in a basket and I tripped and the basket fell and all my eggs broke."

Teacher, "That's terrible. What's the moral?" Kid (crying), "Don't put al...

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What's long and hard on a black man?

The First grade!

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A 5th grade teacher is found dead in the basement of an elementary school...

... and the police hire a detective to find out who murdered her. After doing some research he concludes the murder must have taken place between 1 and 3 pm that day. One of the suspects is the first grade teacher. The detective asks him what he was doing between 1 and 3 pm that day.

The tea...

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A girl comes home from school...

She tells her mother, "Mommy, today we started first grade and the teacher asked us to count to 20 and I counted to 100! Is it because I'm blonde?"

"Yes dear it's because you're blonde" says the mother happily.

The girl comes home the next day and announces, "Mommy, the teacher t...

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European

Its geography day in Mr. Andrew's first grade class. Each student has to stand up and answer questions in front of their peers. Mr. Andrews, who has a very thick southern accent, addresses the first student.

"Beth, would you a-stand up and answer this a-question: what's the a-capital of a-Ru...

Kids

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you....

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Let's ask ISIS to be our Valentine

Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?

Thelma's father thinks a bit then ...

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