This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg

The Gregorian calendar

What do a calendar and a non vaxxed kid have in common?

Their days are numbered.

Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months.

P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nice!

Sorry for the typo

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

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Just bought a Jehovah Witness themed advent calendar,

behind every door someone tells you to fuck off

What is the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's day

My calendar has all the dates rubbed off.

Now whenever I cross one of the boxes my roommate thinks I'm playing Tic-Tac-Toe with him.

Why is Stevie wonders calendar like meeting people on tinder?

It’s all blind dates...

I once had a job at a calendar factory

But I got the sack because I took a couple of days off

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Their days are numbered

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

For the upcoming new year I made a raunchy calendar involving buff, handsome men from the mines. I was arrested by the police.

For sexual or suggestive content involving Miners.

It took me 2 weeks to realize my calendar was printed upside-down.

What followed was an interesting turn of events.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Advent calendar

I just got my new jehovas witness Advent calendar, everytime I open a door it says "fuck off, not today!"

Why did the human get fired from the calendar factory?

Because they took a few days off.




Probably a repost, but IDC

Someone stole my calendar. Bad news for them...

They have to attend my mother-in-law's party next weekend.

A calendar gets diagnosed with terminal cancer...

Poignant and pensive, he says, "I suppose my days are numbered."

I won a lifetime supply of calendars!

But so far they've only sent me two and a half.

How did the guy who touched the 2018 calendar get electrocuted.

.


.


.


.

Cause it was the **"current"** year.


¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯

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Do you know why some think of calendars as slutty?

There's always a new date the next day.

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When I was poor I had to use old calendars to wipe my arse.

Now those days are behind me.

My advent calendar only has days that end in 1,3,5,7,9.

That’s odd.

Did anyone hear about that guy that broke into the Police Department to steal there calendar?

He got 12 months.

I love my calendar!

We go out on so many dates each month!

Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...

What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?

A man wrote a poem about a calendar to seduce a girl.

He was later charged with date rap.

Why couldn't the calendar eat the whole month?

He had a week stomach

Utah Geologic Survey was advertising landscape calendars for the upcoming holidays...

...and said, "Hurry before they run out!"

What, the national monuments or the calendars?

Which calendar era did Michael Jackson most like to sing about?

A)BC
B)AD

Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar

but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more...

The day after I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I lost my calendar.

My life has been pretty uneventful since.

It must really suck working for a calendar company

You can't take any days off

I lost my job at the calendar factory.

My boss said it was unacceptable that I'd taken a few days off.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm going to make a calendar of sexy Islamic extremists

I will call it, Ji-hotties

How did the sailor stranded on an island with a calendar survive a year?

Eating the dates and Sundays.

A young Naval Officer has just boarded a ship that he will serve on for the next year.

He meets with the captain who gives him a tour, and tells him the way things are done on this ship. After the tour the young officer asks his captain “Sir we’re going to be on this boat for the next year, how do you guys last that long without the company of a woman?”. The captain ushers the young o...