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Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg

The Gregorian calendar

Whats the difference between Me and a Calendar ?

a Calendar has dates.

Two men stole a calendar

They got six months each

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Just bought a Jehovah Witness themed advent calendar,

behind every door someone tells you to fuck off

They fired me from the calendar factory

I don't know why. I just took a few days off.

What do a calendar and a non vaxxed kid have in common?

Their days are numbered.

Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months.

P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nice!

Sorry for the typo

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

What is the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's day

My calendar has all the dates rubbed off.

Now whenever I cross one of the boxes my roommate thinks I'm playing Tic-Tac-Toe with him.

Now that it’s 2019 I bought a new calendar but I’m afraid for it...

It’s days are numbered.

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Their days are numbered

Why is Stevie wonders calendar like meeting people on tinder?

It’s all blind dates...

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Advent calendar

I just got my new jehovas witness Advent calendar, everytime I open a door it says "fuck off, not today!"

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For the upcoming new year I made a raunchy calendar involving buff, handsome men from the mines. I was arrested by the police.

For sexual or suggestive content involving Miners.

It took me 2 weeks to realize my calendar was printed upside-down.

What followed was an interesting turn of events.

Someone stole my calendar. Bad news for them...

They have to attend my mother-in-law's party next weekend.

A calendar gets diagnosed with terminal cancer...

Poignant and pensive, he says, "I suppose my days are numbered."

I won a lifetime supply of calendars!

But so far they've only sent me two and a half.

How did the guy who touched the 2018 calendar get electrocuted.





Cause it was the **"current"** year.


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When I was poor I had to use old calendars to wipe my arse.

Now those days are behind me.

I love my calendar!

We go out on so many dates each month!

My advent calendar only has days that end in 1,3,5,7,9.

That’s odd.

Did anyone hear about that guy that broke into the Police Department to steal there calendar?

He got 12 months.

Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...

What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?

A man wrote a poem about a calendar to seduce a girl.

He was later charged with date rap.

Why couldn't the calendar eat the whole month?

He had a week stomach

Utah Geologic Survey was advertising landscape calendars for the upcoming holidays...

...and said, "Hurry before they run out!"

What, the national monuments or the calendars?

Which calendar era did Michael Jackson most like to sing about?


Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar

but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more...

The day after I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I lost my calendar.

My life has been pretty uneventful since.

I lost my job at the calendar factory.

My boss said it was unacceptable that I'd taken a few days off.

It must really suck working for a calendar company

You can't take any days off

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I'm going to make a calendar of sexy Islamic extremists

I will call it, Ji-hotties

How did the sailor stranded on an island with a calendar survive a year?

Eating the dates and Sundays.