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I read today that the Prime Minister of Australia receives in the mail, on average, two parcels each week that contain human excrement.

I wonder who's sending the other one?

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why did the boy throw dog excrement at a bunch of football (soccer) supporters?

He wanted to know what happens when the shit hits the fan.

At the moment he is recovering in hospital.

I'm Designing a New Strategic Weapons System

It flies over enemy territory expelling thousands of tonnes of excrement.

I call it the Incontinent Ballistic Missile...

Amusingly, the flow of excrement in the sewer system is well-regulated.

And thanks to modern architectural decor, it’s all in all a pretty solid waste system.

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A biologist specialized in bovine excrement found a specimen and exclaimed

"This is bullshit!"

Did to hear about the guy who pretended to wash his hair with excrement?

It was actually sham-poo.

*thunderous applause*

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I was going to say a joke about a common British mammal with excrement in one of its most sensitive organs

But no, that'd be a shit eye deer

There's one thing I've learned after my son got hit in the face with dog excrement.

I'm rather good at golf.

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Jesus Christ excrement unearthed in Isreal....

"Well, Holy Shit!"

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

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Three guys die and go to hell [LONG]

Satan meets them for orientation. He asks the first one "What was your favorite sin in life?" He replies "It would have to be booze, I stayed drunk all the time." So Satan leads him to a door and opens it to reveal a giant room containing acres of every type of alcoholic drink imaginable; beers, ...

A rather bad man dies and meets Satan...

A rather bad man dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors. Satan explains, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have to spend eternity behind one of these doors. But, the good news is that you can take a peek behind each and take your choice."

So, the man opened the...

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One day Fred is sitting at his desk when he hears a voice in his head say "Quit your job, dump your fiance, sell your house and take all your money to Las Vegas."

Fred ignores the voice and goes back to work. Later that night he hears the voice again say "Quit your job, dump your fiance, sell your house and take all your money to Las Vegas." which he thinks about for a moment, then dismisses.

As the weeks went on, Fred started hearing the voice more an...

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The Plan

In the beginning there was a Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was on the face of the workers.

And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit and it stinks."...

Venezuelan and American in Hell

A Venezuelan and American arrive in Hell at the same time, Hell is short-staffed, and so they have orientation together. They are told part of their punishment is eating buckets of human excrement. Normally they would be segregated by nationality, but since they are together now they can each choose...

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Joe visits his favorite museum's new exhibit.

Joe was on his way to his favorite museum. The museum had announced a new exhibit and he was extremely excited to be one of the first people to ever see it, since he got some early access tickets. When he got there, there were about 12 other people who had also gotten a ticket for today, so he assum...

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Hygiene was an issue at the farm

John, the farmer was an old man who couldn't tend to his farm any more. His children had left for the city for greener pastures.
Few years back his wife passed away of old age.

Seeing the farm in neglect, all the domesticed animals on the farm called for an urgent meeting.

The cow, ...

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A man with a french mother and german father dies and goes to hell.

The devil tells him

"Since you are both french and german, I will let you choose between going to french hell or german hell!"

The man asks to see them first, so the devil takes him to french hell. People are standing in a never ending lake, up to their chin in sewage and chained by th...

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A cowboy walks into a bar...

A cowboy walks his horse up to a bar, dismounts, hitches it, and then he walks around the horse, lifts up the tail and sticks his finger in the horse's ass.  The bar keep notices this and soon everyone in the bar is watching through the window. He then takes the befouled finger and smears the excrem...

I used to be sesquipedally loquacious

I got bullied because I couldn't even explain that that meant I was talking all the time with big and overly complicated words.

That's when the excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device.

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one night, 2 necrophiliacs go to a cemetery...

they start digging up graves and pulling bodies out of caskets. They eventually have 12 bodies plus parts of several others. Then they go to town. They start fucking skulls, tearing holes into stomachs and fucking those. One guy rips a dick off of a corpse and sucks on it for a while. This horr...

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Dogs carefully pick a spot to poop,

because they use excrement to communicate. Dogs are the original shitposters.

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In 1859, there was this German Chemist living in London, England.

One day he received a new batch of experimental powder from Columbia. Curious to find out what the substance was, he opened the package and it erupted in a puff of powder. After inhaling half the cloud the Chemist felt vibrant, energised and happy.

“I hast not seen ziss beefore”, thought t...

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The generals' stroll

Two generals are walking through a military base when they notice a pile of dog shit in front of them. They stop, examining it ponderously and begin to debate. The debate stretches on and on until the taller and thinner of the two calls out to a nearby soldier:

"I say, private! Tell us what t...

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The Foo Bird

A group of explorers traveled to South America in order to find El Dorado and other places of great fortune. On the first day, they met up with the locals in the town they were staying in. There the locals warned them of the dangers of the jungle, specifically the Foo bird.

During their firs...

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Two politicians die and arrive at the Pearly Gates.

Two politicians die and arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says "You get to choose which place you want to go to. I'll show you each place today and you can sleep on it and decide tomorrow." So he takes them to heaven and everybody's sitting on gold jeweled thrones playing harps and singing Go...

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