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Memorable Jokes

A colon in a sentence can make it memorable

Jane ate her friend's lunch.

Jane ate her friend's colon.

See what I mean?

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Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:

"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."

What’s more memorable than a passionate kiss?

A stab wound

Why was William Henry Harrison's inaugural address so memorable?

He had a killer final draft.

A young boy finally works up the courage to ask a girl to prom...

She says yes, to his surprise and he starts to prepare to make the night as memorable as he can for the both of them.

First, he decides he needs to rent a tuxedo. He finds a local shop that does rentals, since he doesn't want to buy one. The line at the clothing store is almost out the door....

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Feeling

On a flight to Japan, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.


Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she y...

Beat em all up real good

One day a man arrives at the pearly gates and meets St Peter. They’re going through the necessary paperwork and documentation so St Peter asks the man, “So, did you have any memorable experiences that stood out on earth?”

The man pauses for a second to think and responds, “Why Yes I did have ...

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car……

found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,
“I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”.
The four men didn’t wait for a second threat.
They got out and ran lik...

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Lost

A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life.

The old man says, "Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went...

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I started a butchering job the other day.

My first job was to crack and pull out duck necks and to make a memorable first day I said


"You know how ducks quack? Well soon enough I'll be quacking their neck"

Wedding

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire ...

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Guy goes to his doctor who runs some tests and comes back "I'm afraid you have cancer and you only have 6 months to live"

The guy asks "are you sure? Is there anything I can do?

The doctor says "We've run all the tests twice and we're quite certain. However, you might want to go over to UC Berkeley and enroll in Professor Hoffman's CS357 computer science class."

This guy is puzzled "Will that help me li...

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Back in the day, Chicago was run by the Irish mob

Now, before the Italian mob took over- I'm sure you all know Al Capone, Frank Nitti, Lucky Luciano, and the like- Prohibition era Chicago was run by the Irish mob.

The Irish gangs owned Chicago outright for a solid 18 months after Prohibition went into effect, before police raids, pressure fr...

What is the punchline to this joke my daughter's Fozzie Bear toy says?

My daughter has a muppet babies Fozzie Bear talking toy.

He says numerous phrases including singing the muppet babies theme song and who could forget his memorable catch phrase "wakka wakka"

But then, being the jokester he is, says this:

"Did you ever hear the one about the ba...

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Two new members of a hunting lodge get introduced to its oldest member.

They ask him to tell his most memorable hunting story, and he does.

“Well, back in 1954 in Africa,” the old man starts, “we were big-game hunting. Didn’t have much luck at first, but on the third day I was resting by a tree when I heard a noise. Next thing I know a huge lion jumps out of the ...

A guy wants to take his girlfriend to prom

So he waits in line to buy tickets. It's a long line. He wants it to be a memorable night- he stands in line for hours to get a limo. On his way to pick her up, he stops to buy flowers. Theres a long line here too. When they get to the prom later that night, she suggests they get some punch. He goes...

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Tom and Yuu's love story

Tom Wake and Yuu Watanabe met in Japan while Tom was on a business trip. Ironically, Tom didn't want to take the job, but he was the only one fluent in Japanese, so he reluctantly went on the trip. Usually, deals like these took place over video conferences, but the company's client insisted on meet...

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There was an old man in a small African village about to turn 100 years old.

Easily the oldest man around those parts, the local newspaper decides to run an article on him. They sent a reporter over to interview him and he asked all the usual questions, "Have you lived around here all of your life?" "What are some of the most memorable changes you've seen in your lifetime?" ...

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What is that smell?

The police were called to a hotel to investigate a bad smell coming from one of the rooms. The manager meets the cop and escorts them to the offending room.

'Officer, there's a terrible smell coming from this room; the occupants were newly weds who stressed their need to not be disturbed whe...

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I just adore this one from Arthur Koestler.

Under the reign of the second emperor of the Ming Dynasty there lived an executioner by the name of Wang Lun. He was a master of his art and his fame spread through all of the provinces of the Empire. There were many executions in those days, and sometimes as many as fifteen or twenty men to be behe...

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The Donut Joke

First time posting, but this is my favorite joke. It takes some acting, and can only be used in certain situations, but I've had rooms of people rolling on the floor.

This joke works best when you are in a group of people all trading jokes. When it comes to your turn, tell the first part:...

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So there’s this guy, and it’s his first time in New York..

..and like any tourist in New York for the first time, he wants to do something special. Memorable.

So he decides to go to the top of the World Trade Center (this is an older joke) to this famous bar to have a couple of beers and check out what must surely be, a gorgeous view.

As soon ...

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Prom Night

Jimmy and Jessica are both seniors in high school, and prom is approaching. They've been dating for two years, and Jimmy wants to make sure that everything goes perfectly for Jessica; he really wants the night to be special and wants to pull out all the stops. Being that prom is only a month away, h...

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