The old woman and her bakery

There was an old woman who ran a bakery. She made amazing cakes that everyone just loved.

She works on making marvelous cakes for everyone 364 days of the year.

But she would refuse to make any cake on November 26th.

Instead, she would take a bunch of signs and place them all...

Two cannibals were sitting by a fire

Wife: Gee! I hate my mother-in-law.

Husband: Then try the potatoes, dearie!

Every family wedding I attended...

...aunties and grandmas always came to me grabbing me by my cheeks saying "oh dearie you will be next!"
They stopped when I started to do them the same at family funerals.

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Meeting the Irish Mother

A young Irish lad takes the girl he loves to meet his family.

The matriarch of the family asks the girlfriend, "So, tell me, lass, what is your occupation?"

The girl hesitantly says, "Well, Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a prostitute."

Immediately, the lad's mother faints. After regaining c...

A Scotsman Moves to London

A young man from the Highlands moved to the big city to seek his fortune. After settling in for a couple of weeks, his mum calls him to check in.

"How do ye like the city so far, son?" She asked him.

"Ma, it's just the most wonderful place in the world. So much to see and do. But my ne...

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A man comes home very drunk late at night...

So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, *bang*, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.

The guy refuses to believe...

Mae West: One-liners from the 1930's.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

A hard man is good to find.

It takes two to get one in trouble.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.<...

An Old Lady went to the doctor...

She complained that she had some serious gas issues, and was farting all the time. "But it's not too bad, dearie, because they don't make any noise and don't stink."


So the Doctor thought about it for a while, and gave her a prescription for some pills, and asked her to return in a weeks...

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Little Johnny and his mother were walking home from the grocery store when they...

...looked into an alley and saw two dogs getting it on.

Johnny asks his mother, "Mom, what are they doing?"

His Mom, extremely flustered at this point, says, "Uhhh, you see the dog on top, honey? He's just sick so his friend at the bottom is carrying him around."

Johnny remains ...

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