What do you call sneezing and farting at the same time?

..a screenshot

Farting under the covers is no longer called a Dutch oven...

It's a free Covid test. If you can still smell or taste it, you're negative.

My coworker keeps farting and trying to convince me that it was me who did it.

I think he's asslighting me.

An elderly woman goes to see her doctor complaining that she has been farting a lot recently.

“Fortunately though doctor,” she continues, “They don’t make any sound or smell at all. In fact I’ve passed wind several times since I’ve been sat here!”.

The doctor looks puzzled for a minute then writes a prescription out for the woman, asking her to come back in two weeks.

Two weeks...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday I went rock climbing and the guy above me kept farting.

It was by far the worst ass scent I’ve ever had to deal with.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Buster the farting dog...

A guy was at his girlfriend’s parents’ house, meeting them for the first time. He was understandably nervous, especially because he was trying desperately to hold in his gas.

At one point, shifting in his seat, he accidentally let one slip and it reverberated quite loudly on the leather chai...

I used to cough in public to hide my farts.

But nowadays, I am farting in public to hide my coughs.

What's the difference between evaporation and farting after a curry?

Evaporation is when a liquid becomes a gas....

When passing wind, farting if you will, in a sitting position, are you left cheek dominate or right cheek dominate?

In otherwords, which way do you lean?

Farting in bed

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would ple...

A man sees his doctor for his fart problems.

“I’ve been farting a lot lately, doc,” says the man. “I’ve actually farted ten times since I’ve been in here. But they don’t make any noise and they don’t smell. Can you help me?”

The doctor says, “I think I see the problem. I’m going to prescribe you some medicine that should help you. Take ...

Farting on an elevator...

... is wrong on so many levels.

Woman: Doc, I’m farting constantly! No smell and no sound. Since I came in, I must have farted at least 20 times. I bet you never noticed?!

Doctor: I got it, I got it.
I’ll write you a prescription for some medicine. Come back next week.
A week later
Woman: Doc, What the hell did you give me? Now my farts are still silent but they reek like hell!!
Doctor: Perfect! Your stuffy nose is all better. Now we just need to tak...

Why are Egyptians so good at farting?

They have good Sphinxters

I got kicked out of the Apple store for farting

It’s not my fault they didn’t have Windows

A woman went to the doctor and told him " I keep farting a lot but, my farts don't smell at all, see I farted 7 times since I came here and you didn't even notice"

The doctor gave her some drugs and told her to come back to me after 10 days.

10 days later the woman came back and it was clear that she's frustrated, she told him that the drug he gave her only made the matter worse and that now her farts smell really bad.

The doctor calmly said : "g...

I used to love farting in lifts.

Until I discovered saunas.

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