UPJOKE
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Sometimes I like to put the punchline first

A lot of people asked me why the line for drinks is before the line for food, so I explained

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At 581 words this long one has the advantage of making you laugh many times even before the punchline.

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of London. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'. "Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself and goes to the bar.

<...

Because the punchline gets spoiled early.

Why is this time travel joke not funny?

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A premise, a set-up and a punchline walk into a bar…

The set-up spent most of the night with the premise, but ended up fucking the punchline.

Reveal the punchline before the end.

How do you ruin a good joke?

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A joke in memoriam to Norm MacDonald. Please tell it and make it as unfunny as possible before you hit the punchline.

So, a priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "sorry, we don't serve jokes here." They all nod and walk out and the bartender keeps cleaning glasses.


A man carrying a frog and a tiny piano walks into the bar and the bartender looks up, sees them, ...

The punchline comes first.

How do you know that a comedian is a time traveler?

Best jokes with one word punchlines!

Preferably short jokes. e.g. Two fish are swimming in a lake and one runs into a concrete wall. It turns to the other and says, "Dam."

Just the setup. Do your own punchline

I don't do standup but thought of a hell of a setup with nowhere else to put it and no way to finish it. So here it is.



You ever order Chinese food for yourself and get insulted by the number of fortune cookies they give you?

Joke Factory: Why did the [NOUN] go to the [LOCATION]?

Give me a random NOUN and LOCATION using the above format, and I'll give you the punchline.

For example:

Why did the soldier go to the beach?He was caught in a sand-off and came back shell-shocked.

Ready? Go!

\--

A French, a Brit, and an American are on an expedition in the Amazon

They are captured by a tribe of natives. The chief says to them, "you must die for intruding our land. But it is our custom to allow you to choose your own death."

After some time, the Frenchman says, "my great grandfather died by sword while fighting for France, I shall do the same to honor ...

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Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period...

...Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but: ...

The punchline comes before the joke

What is the most annoying thing about a time travel joke?

Double punchline Buddhist joke.

A Buddhist monk is walking through New York and sees a hot dog cart, he walks up and the vendor asks him what he wants. The monk replies:

“Make me one with everything.”

The vendor obliges and after handing over the hot dog tells him his total is $3.50. The monk gets out $5 and hands i...

Weekly cult meetings

A cult holds weekly meetings and all members are expected to attend regularly. This week only two cultists show up. After waiting awkwardly for awhile making small talk, they realize no one else is coming.

Both of them are getting nervous and they admit to each other they missed last weeks c...

In 1978, the Jonestown massacre happened where 909 ppl lost their lives. You never hear too many jokes about it…

because the punchline is too long.

How many Russians does it take to change a Ukrainian lightbulb?

At least 1 battalion to lose in the attempt. Please reply with your best punchline.

"That's what she said" is not a funny punchline. It's old, pathetic and doesn't work!

*That's what she said.*

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Can you come up with a better joke with this punchline?

Why did the king lock his beautiful virgin daughter away in a fortress when all the men came around?
Impregnability
(Work in Progress)

What are some jokes with multiple punchlines? Here is an example what i mean:

A journalist was about to interview a company that advertised 100% chicken meat sausages.
The interviewer asked if the sausages are realy 100% chicken meat.
Company director:"well this is a secret, but for the sausages to remain juicy, we need to add some horse meat"
Interviewer: "Horse mea...

Just the punchline

r/jokes is full of good humor … and a lot of reposts. This thread is for redditors to post the punchlines of their favorite jokes, and others can put in the jokes, otherwise comment, or just say 42 or whatever.

Go!

Why did EA games management cross the road

If you wanna find out, please buy the Punchline dlc for 49.99$ or have a chance to get it from a loot box for 2.99$ each

Why did the chicken cross the road? (punchline is different)

different

Morecambe and Wise non-joke (they never got to the punchline)

There were two old men sat in deck chairs. One says: "It's nice out". The other says "Yes, I think I'll get mine out too."

Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, and Floyd Mayweather are waiting patiently for a glass of sangria.

If that's not a good punchline, I don't know what is.

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How to write a funny joke:

Now, everyone always says timing is important; we'll get to that, the timing is usually in the punchline.

First you need a premise - it can be simple. A ball. That's the focus.

Some of you are already chuckling because your immature sense of humor has made its own connections with the ...

How many customer service representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

Your upvote is very important to us, please be assured that we will make the punchline available to you as soon as possible.

A guy goes into the library...

He tells the librarian, "I'm looking for a book of jokes with disappointing punchlines."

The librarian shows him exactly what he's looking for.

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Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”

La...

Lining up for Drinks at the Party.

Two friends decide to throw a party to celebrate them getting their new flat and invite everyone they know. One of them prepares a huge bowl of punch for everyone and the other brings a soda fountain that he just bought.

The party rolls around and everyone is enjoying themselves; all of them...

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So an tiger was smoking in the forest...

... a rat happened past and started laying into him: "We live in such a beautiful forest; you are such a majestic and beautiful creature, why the hell are you killing yourself like this. Come with me and I'll show you sights to live for!"

Intrigued the tiger drops his cigarette and follows th...

Why don’t comedians like hanging out with Will Smith?

Because he’s always improving their punchlines.

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

Anyone know? Someone asked me this when I was a kid, but they must have forgotten the punchline since they never told me.

(Multiple Punchlines) One Should Never Make Fun of Someone Else's Bow.

1. They might not think it's friendly ribbon.
2. You should have the presents of mind to be polite
3. If they have an arrow, they might shoot you with it.
4. They might get angry and resort to violins.
5. In that situation, it's best to be curt, see?
6. Just say the bow wowed you.
...

The punchline in the title.

What ruins a possibly good post?

Jokes without punchlines are pointless,

and incomplete sentences are annoying,
but together

The greatest Schrodinger punchline...

or maybe not.

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Paulie Walnut's Pope joke from Sopranos S5E1: cut to punchline only due to length

The Pope is sick and none of the Vatican doctors can figure it out. They summon an old wise man from the hills. He examines the Pope and says he's got a terminal case of blue balls. The only cure is for him to have sex, and the Cardinals go nuts. Finally, the Pope agrees but gives four condition...

The punchline comes before the question.

What's the worst part about time travelling jokes?

I try to steal jokes but I never get the punchline quite right

Anyway, two engineers tied a blonde to a flagpole or something

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