UPJOKE
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Eu Jokes

Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?

A: 1 GB

If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?

1GB

Why is EU like a frying pan?

Because Greece is stuck at the bottom

Should English be the only official language of the EU?

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

A German in a Bar

A German walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender tells him : "20 euros!"

The German is shocked - "20 euros? yesterday it was only 3 euros !"

"Well, today it is 20 euros."

\- "But why 20, damn it?"

Bar tender : "I'll explain it,

\-3 euros is beer,...

Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario:

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.

Why does the EU look so good?

She’s lost a pound

Well the EU servers are full

But they almost have one GB of extra space

How much free space does the EU have since Great Britain left?

1 GB

Romania, one of the poorest country in the EU, builds a cathedral instead of a hospital.

I get it. When Dracula is a constant threat, I'd prioritise building a Cathedral rather than a hospital.

The EU was invited to a thanksgiving dinner

but they refused to have turkey

If EU were a person

If EU were a person and they start a new clothing brand, what would it be called?

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.

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EUropa

How many prime ministers does it take to rejoin the EU?

apparently more than 3.

Eu in a nutshell

"I am hungary"

"Maybe you should czech the fridge."

"I am russian to the kitchen."

"Is there any turkey?"

"We have some, but its covered in Greece"

"Ew,there's norway I'd eat that!"

What does the EU call Miley Cyrus?

Kilometre Cyrus

EU memes here

[removed]

Thanks article 13

What did the US say to the EU?

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What's a downside of making EU jokes?

It's very easy to cross the border.

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world."

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

A man goes on EU reddit for the first time

and the first night he's browsing through, looking for memes. He sees a post, the title being just “802” with thousands of upvotes, comments full of people making puns.

He thought that was pretty odd, then he saw another post, "1765" With even more upvotes!

"What's going on?" he asked ...

In the EU they have zero euro notes

so they can pay when they go to the doctor's office.

What's the difference between a lasso and the EU?

One ropes your steer, the other steers Europe.

Remember when Britain was still part of the EU?

I still remember it like it was yesterday.

Hey EU, heard you lost a country...

..., UK bro?

Scotland might not leave the EU...

but Theresa May.

What did GB say to EU?

Peace out, EUROn EUROwn!

Why are EU gamers so serious about what they do?

Because they can’t be memers

Why did the EU start downloading random stuff to it's computer?

It had freed up one GB of space.

I'm surprised that the UK left the EU by voting.

Most of the time they leave on penalty kicks.

It’s easier to take Wales out of the EU...

...than it is to take a Welshman out of the ewe.

The EU just passed a new law and one member signed directly in the center of the document

No one expects the Spanish ink position.

How do they celebrate Thanksgiving in the EU?

I don’t know, but they sure as hell don’t have Turkey.

The EU is much like a bad fart.

Better out than in.

Is the EU working out?

It lost a few pounds this summer.

They said Brexit would let us get closer to non-EU countries.

They were right, we now have more in common with Zimbabwe than ever before.

Trump is President of the United States and Britain left the EU.

APRIL FOOLS'!

Ah...wait...

Britain should have written a break up note

"It's not EU, it's me"

Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the ✓

Now the UK is out of the EU we can ban pre-shredded cheese.

Make Britain grate again.

Apparently the Brexit is inspiring other countries to hold their own referenda, and could lead to the breakup of the EU.

Could this be The Final Countdown for Europe?

Since yesterday, more than 2 million Brits have called for a new EU referendum...

That's what you get when Donald Trump says you made the right choice.

What's the difference between Hillary's e-mails and the UK leaving the EU?

Hillary got off Scott-free.

If Great Britian leaves the EU then it will be like its own Hong Kong

Owned by the British, surprisingly prosperous for its size, and desperately longing to be white.

The EU has said that more needs to be done to help the Syrian refugees, especially the children.

May I recommend swimming lessons?

Santa Jingle…

He's making a list.

He's checking it twice.

Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.

Santa Claus is in violation of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece .

The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single l...

Looks like the UK didn't read the fine print when cutting off ties with the EU...

You Brexit, you bought it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Uranus - These a re all true BTW

Uranus is full of gas.
Uranus smells like farts.
Uranus craps diamonds.
Uranus is a cold, cold place.
NASA flew by Uranus and snapped lots of pics.
Uranus is huge.
We can see Uranus with the naked eye.
Uranus is bleeding is an actual astrological (not astronomical...

What do European Nationalists say when they see something disgusting?

“EU”.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

[This joke isn't available for EU users]

Putin dies and goes to hell....

Because of good behaviour he is allowed out for a few days and goes to Moscow, where he visits a bar. He orders a shot of vodka and asks:

\- Is Crimea ours?

\> Belongs to us.

\- And Donbas and Kiev?

\>Ours!

\- Perfect. How much is that?

\> Five euro...

Everyone has heard about Among US.

Hopefully there’s gonna be noone among EU.

You see each country has its own currency

In the US they have the dollar

In the UK they have the pound

In the EU they have the euro

In Australia they have toilet paper

I heard Scotland wants another independence referendum.

I guess we’ll get away with leaving the EU scot-free after all.

It’s nice to see one New Years resolution is being followed.

One month in and the EU has already lost a pound.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 5 year old and 3 year old - Best Joke EU

A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom
'You know what?' says the 5 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing.'
The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says,
'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after...

I regret joining the gym recently..

leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds

Things are so bad in the U.S...

...that I bet the EU could protect the rights of U.S. citizens better than the U.S. government can.

The dying chemist tells his assistant..

To check the following numbers in the periodic table. Confused, but still wishing to follow his directions, he listens carefully and the chemist lists down the numbers, 10, 23, 47, 8, 7, 47, 53, 23, 63, 92, 15. After listung them down, the assistant tells the chemist he did it, and with a smile, the...

What happens if a European chameleon turns blue?

It's arrested for violating EU regulations

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why dont you need birth controls when having sex with British boys?

They are the earliest to pull out of eu.

What is United Kingdom's top song for December 2018?

"All I want for Christmas is EU"

What have Britain and Warner Brothers/DC got in common?

Neither of them know how to handle an EU.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Brentry

In anticipation of Brexit many British politicians have unfriended their EU counterparts on Facebook.

I guess now they will have to referiend'em...

The European Union is proposing to build a public toilet in Brussels.

They put the job out to tender. They get in 3 responses.


First in is Hans from Germany. He gets straight to the point. "I'll build it for €30,000."
The Eurocrat behind the desk looks up from his note pad. "Can you give us some more detail, Hans?"
"Ja! €10,000 labour, €10,000 m...

The year 2192

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...

The year is 2161....

...and the Earth has just joined United Federation of Planets....

Without UK.
Which is still trying to exit EU.

Britain just can't make up its mind on brexit.

The country is leaving the EU, but the pound has decided to join the euro.

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