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Eunuch Jokes

What award goes to the eunuch who creates law and order among all the other eunuchs?

The no ball peace prize.

What should you call your eunuch servant?

Anything you like. He is not coming.

What are the best eunuch puns?

The ones you never see coming.

A lethargic eunuch checks himself into the hospital.

"Doctor, I've lost all my energy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctors run a series of tests, but they can't find anything wrong with the eunuch.

"I'm sorry, but we don't know what's causing your fatigue. We've tested for anemia, depression, sleeping disorders, and we've turned up nothin...

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The thing about being a eunuch...

... is that you no longer give a fuck.

Did you hear the bad news about r/eunuchs?

They're losing members every day.

An abderite sees an eunuch alogside a woman

He asks him: "is this your wife?". The eunuch answers: "eunuchs can't have wives".

"So is it your daughter?".

I browsed through Philogelos ("Love of Laughter") which is the oldest joke collection that has survived. It is written in ancient Greek. Also, it was pretty funny when I dicov...

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Why was the Eunuch Hoarder upset?

Because they removed his junk

TIL: Historically, eunuchs have been really wealthy and politically powerful.

It’s part of their compensation package.

Did ya hear why they're closing down the eunuchs club?

Cause they lost all their members.

I planned to go to the costume party as a eunuch...

... but I couldn't quite pull it off.

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My brother moved to Dublin to start up a gym for eunuchs...

Yeah, he called it "Cockless and Muscles".

I was trying to form a club for eunuchs at my high school...

But there weren't enough members.

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King Arthur is preparing to leave Camelot on a lengthy quest, but news has reached his ears that his wife may have taken on a lover.

"But... *who*...?" he asks Merlin.




"Fear not, Arthur - I know how we can protect Guinevere's chastity in your absence and also discover the identity of her lover. Watch this!"




The magician snapped his fingers and, into thin air, appeared a magical, samite chast...

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What's the similarity between becoming an eunuch and becoming a toreador?

Both cases, it takes balls to do it.

I've always wondered how those eunuchs were able to stay out in the cold for so long ...

They must've frozen their ... oh ... wait ...

What do you call a unicorn that’s lost its horn?

A eunuch-horn!

What happens if you castrate a corn cob?

It becomes a Eunuch-Corn

A translated Chinese Joke

*Apologies in advance, as this joke does not translate cleanly. I had to adapt part of it so it could make sense*






A eunuch (think Varys from Game of Thrones) was wandering around town.

Back in ancient China, many high ranking jobs had castration as a requireme...

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What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter! The dog isn’t going to come anyways.

But what do you call a eunuch with no legs?

Still doesn’t matter! He’s not going to cum anyways!

What does a castrated clown ride?

A Eunuch-cycle!

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I’m writing a masters thesis on the social hierarchies of Ancient Middle Eastern Kingdoms. It’s a pretty serious paper so I want to lend it some levity by adding a joke about eunuchs.

I’m just not sure if I’ve got the balls to do it.

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(NSFW) What do you call it when someone cuts off their penis and sticks it to their forehead?

A eunuch-horn.

For the life of me, I cannot find a trumpet for my castrated friend! I guess they really are...

Eunuch horns

How does a horse breeder look after his stock of mares?

With a eunuch-orn.

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What do you call a stallion that's had its balls chopped off?

A eunuch-orn

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A blonde hooks up with a guy at a bar having met earlier on Tinder.

Straight away, she starts flirting with him, subtly at first, but it quickly escalates.

"I don't usually get much response to my profile, why'd you pick me?" asks the guy.

"Well, in all honesty, I mostly use Tinder for sex", claims the blonde, "You're cute and I like what you wrote in...

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

Spirit animal

What's the spirit animal of the LGBTQ community?


Eunuch-orns

Did you hear about the castrated hipster?

He had a very eunuch style.

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