Eulogy Jokes

I had to decline. I'm not much of a mourning person.

"I'd like to thank everyone for being here today," I said, "especially the person in the coffin."

I had real bad mourning wood.

I thought it meant a lot to a lot of people.

However, she was soon married again and had seven more children. Sadly, her second husband died. She remarried and this time had five more children. Alas, worn out by constant childbearing, she died.

At her funeral the preacher prayed to God for this woman who fulfilled his commandment to “Go... read more

Hey, reddit. A good buddy of mine has died. He was always the life of the party, always had fresh jokes, and would absolutely hate the idea of a depressing, somber funeral.

His friends have arranged a casual dress only (he hated dressing up), open mic style celebration of his life. One of th... read more

All the guests are gathered at old Tom’s funeral. The eulogy has been read, and the officiant asks if any of the guests would like to say anything.

After what seemed to be an eternity of silence, a lone hand raises at the back of the chapel. It’s Tom’s best buddy, Bill. The officiant signals... read more

Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."

"Alright," says the newspaper guy. "I'm sorry for your loss. It'll be one dollar per word."

The widow clutches her heart in shock, then says, "Fine. 'Husband died'."

"Sorry, ma'am, but the eulogy has to be a minimum of five words."

The woman sighs in exasperation and replies, "F... read more

... it's public speaking. This means if you were at a funeral, you'd likely rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.

David Beckham has been invited to read the eulogy. The family wanted a dead ball specialist

He was given a fitting eulogy.

The priest got up to present the eulogy NSAID he was a lovely bloke.

The minister gives the eulogy. When he finishes, he says, "The widow has asked if anyone would like to share a word."

A man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The widow replies, "Thank you! That means a lot."

The number one fear is public speaking. The second is death.

So at a funeral you would prefer to be in the casket than reading the Eulogy.

and his family was gathered near. Then his best friend Jim arrived and stood close to him. John's condition rapidly deteriorated and he motioned to something to write with. When offered, he quickly scribbled something and gave it to Jim. Out of respect, Jim placed it in his pocket as the nurses desp... read more

3 men are at a mutual friend's funeral and witness a really beautiful eulogy. At the reception afterwards, the three of them are sitting together and talking about the funeral when one of them says "Wow, that was really beautiful. What would you guys like to be said about you when you die?" The firs... read more

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.

2. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs ain’t one.

3. The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king.

4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.

5. Act like you’ve been there before. Especially i... read more

..and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside, forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst... read more

.. He is talking with his wife as his two children sit in the backseat, the daughter fiddles with her phone charger while the son listens in.

"Honey, I don't know what I'm going to say in his eulogy."

"Well, you could make comparisons, say he was as strong as an ox."

"Yeah, that... read more

The mortician comes out and says; "Madam, we have prepared everything for your husband's funeral tomorrow. We just wanted your comment on how he should look since mentioned wanting an open casket?"

The wife looks at her husband and bursts in tears; "I'm sorry, but I see you've dressed him in ... read more

Wearing make-up and lying in front of us

Noah Webster was an important man in the field of lexicography. So when he died his wife, Miriam, decided to have a large funeral. Many people came out. Near the end, after the eulogy, Miriam asked if anyone else wanted to say something about her late husband. A man comes up to her and says, “I woul... read more

When the priest walks over to the hospital bed, the man's condition worsens rapidly. He tries to speak, but can only produce a faint wheeze. Realising that the man is trying to utter his final words, the priest reaches for a pen and paper and gives it to him. As the man slowly hands the note back to... read more

Red car day - in Honor of my Dad

My dad died 7 years ago. He was a worker in a factory in NYC during the by-gone, post-war era when times were good and jobs were plenty. The guys he worked with were all good friends over the years and enjoyed harmless pranks against one another to pass the ti... read more

The entire town and surrounding community reviled and despised these two brothers as everyone was aware of just how disreputable and dishonest they were.

One day, one of the brothers mysteriously died.

Although they had never attended church, the one remaining brother ... read more

As part of his last wishes he requests that his wife hire a comedian to do a set during his funeral because he did not want his funeral to be a sad ordeal.



The widow is reluctant but she places an ad and waits for a response. One by one, each comedian that responds quickly turns down... read more

all work together in construction building the World's tallest building.

Each day they sit high on a girder and eat lunch together.

After several weeks onsite, the Englishman says "I'm sick of getting these same marmite sandwiches everyday. If I get another one of these, I'm going to j... read more