A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed.

Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."

My mother broke down crying when I gave the eulogy at my sister's funeral

I didn't think my ventriloquism was *that* bad

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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday...

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.


Doughboy is ...

I was asked to deliver a eulogy at a funeral that is scheduled for 5:00am.

I had to decline. I'm not much of a mourning person.

A very cheap widow goes to a newspaper industry to write a eulogy for her late husband

"Alright," says the newspaper guy. "I'm sorry for your loss. It'll be one dollar per word."

The widow clutches her heart in shock, then says, "Fine. 'Husband died'."

"Sorry, ma'am, but the eulogy has to be a minimum of five words."

The woman sighs in exasperation and replies, "F...

I got a massive erection while I was giving the eulogy at my mom's funeral.

I had real bad mourning wood.

At a frat party, a young man fell off the balcony and tragically passed away

His physics professor came to give a eulogy. He said “He was such a brilliant student. Right at the end of his life, he had so much potential.”

So, death isn't actually the most common fear...

... it's public speaking. This means if you were at a funeral, you'd likely rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.

Why is it so easy to write a eulogy?

You only need the introduction and the conclusion.

The body is already there.

I got fired from being an eulogy writer. Because the only thing I wrote was “plethora.”

I thought it meant a lot to a lot of people.

Funny when it's not funny: I need jokes for a funeral / eulogy.

Hey, reddit. A good buddy of mine has died. He was always the life of the party, always had fresh jokes, and would absolutely hate the idea of a depressing, somber funeral.

His friends have arranged a casual dress only (he hated dressing up), open mic style celebration of his life. One of th...

Dictionary namesake Noah Webster's funeral

Noah Webster was an important man in the field of lexicography. So when he died his wife, Miriam, decided to have a large funeral. Many people came out. Near the end, after the eulogy, Miriam asked if anyone else wanted to say something about her late husband. A man comes up to her and says, “I woul...

UK comedian Bobby Ball has sadly passed away

David Beckham has been invited to read the eulogy. The family wanted a dead ball specialist

After Trump dies, at his eulogy the priest says: he is today how he was as president..

Wearing make-up and lying in front of us

Statistics Show

The number one fear is public speaking. The second is death.

So at a funeral you would prefer to be in the casket than reading the Eulogy.

A woman brings her dead husband to the funeral home

The mortician comes out and says; "Madam, we have prepared everything for your husband's funeral tomorrow. We just wanted your comment on how he should look since mentioned wanting an open casket?"

The wife looks at her husband and bursts in tears; "I'm sorry, but I see you've dressed him in ...

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My first managers name was Lorraine.

My first managers name was Lorraine and she was really cool. Her husband, alfonso, was an assistant manager at the same store, and he was a dick. He had been having an affair for quite some time with a woman named Claire Lee . Everyone except his wife knew, but we didn't have the heart to tell her. ...

There's a funeral...

The minister gives the eulogy. When he finishes, he says, "The widow has asked if anyone would like to share a word."

A man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The widow replies, "Thank you! That means a lot."

Red Car Day

Red car day - in Honor of my Dad

My dad died 7 years ago. He was a worker in a factory in NYC during the by-gone, post-war era when times were good and jobs were plenty. The guys he worked with were all good friends over the years and enjoyed harmless pranks against one another to pass the ti...

She married and had 6 children

Her husband died.

She soon married again and had 3 more children.

Again, her husband died.

But she remarried and this time had 4 more children.

At last, she finally died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking Him, for this lovi...

The best tailor in town died.

He was given a fitting eulogy.

Life Rules For My Son

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.

2. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs ain’t one.

3. The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king.

4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.

5. Act like you’ve been there before. Especially i...

In a small town, there were two brothers who, over the course of many years, cheated, swindled, robbed and generally stole from everyone that they ever did business with.

The entire town and surrounding community reviled and despised these two brothers as everyone was aware of just how disreputable and dishonest they were.

One day, one of the brothers mysteriously died.

Although they had never attended church, the one remaining brother ...

A man dies and and has an odd request in his will.

As part of his last wishes he requests that his wife hire a comedian to do a set during his funeral because he did not want his funeral to be a sad ordeal.



The widow is reluctant but she places an ad and waits for a response. One by one, each comedian that responds quickly turns down...

A cardiologist died...

..and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside, forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst...

A priest visits a man on his deathbed...

When the priest walks over to the hospital bed, the man's condition worsens rapidly. He tries to speak, but can only produce a faint wheeze. Realising that the man is trying to utter his final words, the priest reaches for a pen and paper and gives it to him. As the man slowly hands the note back to...

3 men at a funeral..

3 men are at a mutual friend's funeral and witness a really beautiful eulogy. At the reception afterwards, the three of them are sitting together and talking about the funeral when one of them says "Wow, that was really beautiful. What would you guys like to be said about you when you die?" The firs...

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A Gamer Just Died.

And his family are having the funeral for him. His girlfriend shows up and notices 2 japanese men in suits sitting in the front row.

After the eulogy, they all go into the cemetery to bury him and the odd men keep following. The girlfriend gets concerned and asks the gamers friend who they ar...

A man is taking his family to his father's funeral...

.. He is talking with his wife as his two children sit in the backseat, the daughter fiddles with her phone charger while the son listens in.

"Honey, I don't know what I'm going to say in his eulogy."

"Well, you could make comparisons, say he was as strong as an ox."

"Yeah, that...

An Englishman, a Scot and an Irishman

all work together in construction building the World's tallest building.

Each day they sit high on a girder and eat lunch together.

After several weeks onsite, the Englishman says "I'm sick of getting these same marmite sandwiches everyday. If I get another one of these, I'm going to j...

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