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Brussels Jokes

The European Union is proposing to build a public toilet in Brussels.

They put the job out to tender. They get in 3 responses.


First in is Hans from Germany. He gets straight to the point. "I'll build it for €30,000."
The Eurocrat behind the desk looks up from his note pad. "Can you give us some more detail, Hans?"
"Ja! €10,000 labour, €10,000 m...

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline.

No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.

The US ambassador was meeting the North Korea ambassador.

During the meeting, wanting to impress the Korean, the American ambassador started boasting.

"Last week, I was in London. I met the Olympic 1000 metres gold medallist.

The previous week, I was in Brussels. I met the world's leading mathematician.

The week before, I was in Paris....

Jean-Claude Van Damme is "the muscles from Brussels." Who are his kids?

Brussels sprouts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A German, a Belgian, and a Dutchman all claim to be thr next coming of Jesus

erman, a Belgian, and a Dutchman all claim to be Jesus, and decide to settle who is speaking the truth by proving their claim.

First the German tries to prove it by walking across the mighty German river, the Rhine. However he falls in and gets completely soaked, and admits he must not be the...

"Batman, we need your help in Brussels immediately."

"Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"...

What is the difference between boogers and Brussels sprouts?

Little kids will eat boogers.

How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?

No Brussels!

Two long time friends, Ollie and Brock, woke up early for work as they always do.

They each got into their trucks and headed to the local Ag plant where they work as produce haulers.

"What do you have for us today Flower?" asked Brock as they walk in. Their secretary’s real name is Ava but they always jokingly call her Flower.

"Well we've got three shipments that a...

As an Englishman I'll be enjoying a lovely Brexit Dinner this year....

It's like a regular Christmas Dinner, but there's no Brussels.

What’s Boris Johnson’s least favourite Christmas vegetable?

Brussels Sprouts!

Translated joke but I reversed the countries because screw Belgium

Two dutchmen take the train from Amsterdam to Brussels, but they only have one ticket. 2 fellow Belgian passengers ask them how they will get away with it. “Watch and learn!” Say the Dutch. They head into the toilet together and wait for the train conductor to knock on the door. “Ticket please!”. He...

The year is 2219

A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Chocolate House

One day, Dave had met up with one of his oldest friends Matt, who had just returned from his vacation in Belgium.

They discussed the trip, and what Matt had done in Belgium.

"I did quite a lot but the most interesting experience I had was visiting the house of chocolates. It may not h...

The year 2192

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...

What's the difference between the UK and a Roast Dinner

The roast is better off without Brussels.

Why are kids from the capital of Belgium always so tall?

Because people from Brussels sprout!

Walkers have brought out some new flavours for christmas this year

Along with pigs in blankets and glazed ham flavours, they have the more realistic xmas joys like Brussels sprout flavour.
Ungrateful child flavour, moaning resentful relative flavour, and my personal favourite, drunken row and domestic violence flavour .

Two Belgian men are wandering around, far away from their town...

...when they walk past a bus depot. One of the men has the idea to steal a bus, so they can go home. The other man agrees and one of them climbs over the fence to steal a bus. After a lot of noise and two hours later, the Belgian finally returns with a bus. The other man asked what took him so long....

What, do you call a paralyzed Dutchman getting an erection?

A Brussels sprout,

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