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An old man is at passport control in Paris

He is going through his bag for his passport. The woman on passport control asks him 'Have you visited France before?'

'Yes' replied the old man.

Sarcastically she responds 'Well surely you should know to have your passport ready...' to which he answers 'I didn't have to show it last t...

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A man goes to get his passport renewed...

He goes to the counter and is jotting down his personal information.

"Alright sir, can I have your full name please?"

"Pepepeter Bbbbbbbbryant"

"Excuse me, sir, are you a stutterer? "

"No, ma'am, my father was a stutterer, and the guy who made my birth certificate, an as...

A old British man is waiting to get in to the Hamburg airport and his fumbling to get his passport when the custom agent says” God sir have you ever been to Hamburg before”

The man says “yes it was the 40s it was dark we didn’t land”

A Russian citizen is crossing the border into Ukraine and hands his passport to the customs officer.

The customs officer asks: "Name?"
The Russian replies: "Vladimir Krylov"
The customs officer continues: "Occupation?"
The Russian replies: "Not yet, just visiting."

Veterans Day

An elderly American gentleman of 97 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically. He admitted he had been to France previously. "Then ...

When applying for a Palestinian passport....

In the section where it says "occupation" .. do you just put ISRAEL?

I saw my friends Israeli passport recently.

Under occupation it just said Palestine.

Australian Passport control just asked me if I had a criminal record

Didn't know I still needed one.

Why is it that so many Americans do not have a passport ?

They don't fit in the photo booth.

Credits: Jimmy Carr

What's the difference between Donald Trump and my passport?

The passport has more foreign policy experience.

If you look like your passport photo

You probably aren't well enough to travel.

As I handed him my passport, the immigration officer stared at me with cold, dead eyes and mumbled, "I might not always agree with you, but..."

"I can see where you are coming from."

An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad.

Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.

Until then, she’d never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.
“You must take the loyalty oa...

Angela Merkel arrives at the Passport Control at the Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris.

"Nationality ? " asks the immigration officer. "German," she replies. "Occupation?" "No, just here for a few days."

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A hippie was travelling in through the Middle East when his passport and wallet are stolen, leaving him stranded with only the shirt on his back and his trusty guitar.

After a couple of days roughing it on the streets, he decides to play his guitar and busk for money.

He starts strumming out a tune and a small crowd gathers round. As he continues, one of the men from the crowd starts dancing and jiving infront of him.

The hippie finishes his song and...

Yo mamma's so fat

They had to take her passport photo with Google earth.

Last time I traveled abroad airport security made a hilarious joke about my passport

I mean I had to hand it to them

A Brit lands in Sydney, and is awaiting passport control

His turn comes and he steps to the agent.

The agent asks his name, and the Brit gives it.

The agent asks his occupation, and the Brit gives it.

The agent asks, “Have you ever been convicted of a crime?"

The Brit responds, “Right, so that's still a requirement?"

People who process expired passports are so lazy

they’re always cutting corners.

(Joel Dommett)

A bunch of Chinese people come to a photographer for passport photos...

The photographer saw the enormous work to guide each of the 50 people and told to himself:

-Well, they all look the same, I will do just one photo and will send a copy to each one. They wouldn't notice.

So, he did it and sent a copy to each one of them. The next day, a Chinese guy com...

The american spy

Once upon a time, an american spy who was in Russia, after a long career and for unknown reasons he decided he wants to surrender. He goes to the police, in the front office and he says

-Hello, I'm an american spy and I would like to surrender

-Well sir, do you have a gun?

-yes...

An Israeli lands in New Delhi Airport. Reaches the passport control

-Name?
-David Cohen
-Age?
-32
-Occupation?
-No, just sightseeing... For now

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

Footballer Dwight Yorke just got denied entry to the US due to an Iranian stamp in his passport.

Makes a change at least, most of his troubles are from briefly entering Jordan.

A German Goes On Holiday

He Chooses France as His first destination and Jumps on a Plane. He reaches border patrol and hands his Passport over; The guy working at the booth says to him


*"Nationality?"*
**"German"**
*"Occupation?"*
**"What? No, Silly, I'm Here on Holiday."**

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

A German goes on holiday to France. He gets to passport control and the woman asks "Occupation?"

"No, just visiting." Said the guy.

A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza

CALLER: Is this #PizzaHut?

GOOGLE:No sir, it's Google Pizza

CALLER: Sorry, I have Dailed wrong number

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:Ok, I would like to order a pizza

GOOGLE:Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know ...

The Netherlands VS Greece (First impression )

So I moved to Netherlands some years ago and I'd like to share with you my experiences. Feel free to give me feedback in what you think.



So when I first grounded here, first think I did, I googled a super market and went to buy some cigarettes ( DO NOT SMOKE HERE, IT COSTS LIKE 10 EUR...

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My trip to Japan

I went to Japan as a little boy. I was like 10 but it was a blast for me and others. First memory was from the airport when a fat man cut us off in the line to the airplane, but he got dropped off the flight as he didn't have his ticket, or maybe he lost his passport... I am splitting atoms anyway s...

How did the captain of the u-boat announce to his crew that there were no more passports to go around?

This sub has officially run out of IDs.

Putin lands in a foreign country and approaches the immigration desk

The border official reads through his passport and asks: "Occupation?"

Putin: "No, just visiting."

You know what was the biggest waste of money in 2020?

I renewed my passport

Everyone gets what they want out of brexit

The Brits get their blue passports and the average iq of the European Union goes up by 10 points.

Mr. Bean's first name

Fun Fact : Mr. Bean's first name is Mr. As seen on his passport in the movie.

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

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A plane is in the middle of turbulence

The flight attendant comes to the main cabin and says: "Everyone please take your passports out."

Everyone takes their passports out.

"Now please find the page where your picture is and rip the page out."

Everyone rips the page out.

"Now roll up the paper and shove it up ...

A German was going to a trip in France...

He reached passport control and the officer asked:

"Name?"

"Hans Kleiner"

"Age?"

"31"

"Occupation?"

"No no, just visiting"

A British man is visiting Australia for vacation.

The passport lady at Australian customs asks him, "Have you been convicted of any crimes in the past?"

The Brit replies by asking, "Is it still a requirement?"

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A man is taking a taxi to the airport ...

when he realized he left his passport at home and must go back to get it. He reaches through the partition and gently taps the driver on his shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screams and losses control of the cab, jumping a curb, nearly hitting a tree and several pedestrians, finally...

A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport

He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport

"Good morning, First time in Germany?"

"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"

"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you a...

There was 5 Chinese immigrants. Their names were chu, lu, bu, fu, and su.

When they decided to go to America, they decided to change their names to something more western. They renamed themselves:
Chuck, luck, and buck. Fu and Su didn’t get a passport because they committed tax fraud.

Jim the security Guard is working at the Mexican/American border, and stops a car at a checkpoint.

The driver shows the guard his license, visa, and passport, but is clearly nervous and is sweating bullets. Jim pops the trunk open to reveal four large bags. He opens them, only to reveal that each and everyone of them is filled with dirt.



One week later, Jim stops the same driver. O...

A German in France

A German is traveling to France and is going through passport control. The agent asks the German "reason for travel ?"
"For work", replies the German.
Occupation ? Asks the agent.
"Not this time"

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Word spread quickly that a meat shipment was inbound from Moscow, in the Russian Soviet Federated Socialist Republic.

Sure enough, in the early hours of Monday morning the line outside State Food Store no. 46 was already over two hundred people long, many whispering excitedly about poultry and sausages, despite the dark, bitterly cold morning. After hours of waiting, and still before sunrise, the Commissar came out...

KGB Joke, from old country

This was definitely a response to that thread about the passport staples

----------

Four men are staying in a hotel room. Three have opened a bottle of vodka and are getting pretty rowdy, while the fourth is trying to get some sleep. He leaves the room and asks the concierge for some t...

A Russian man is visiting Germany.

The lady at the passport control asks him his name and where he's from.

"Sergey Ivanov" the Russian says, "I from Russia."

"Occupation?"

"No, just visit this time." he answers.

A German lands in Paris...

Upon having his passport verified, the French officer asks him:

-Occupation?

-Oh, no no, just visiting!

Three turtles were going to the airport...

after 10 years they arrived at the airport but the found that they forgot to get their passports.So, they chose one of them to go back to get the passports. The chosen turtle agreed but if only they don't drink from the Soda bottle they have and they agreed.
Year after year passed and the turtle ...

German spies during world war two.

So my dad told me it a few years back and I still like it.
That's how it goes:

During world war II the Germans trained these super duper mega ultra spies.
They could speak fluent English, fluent French and fluent Russian.
Knew the history of every said enemy country.
Knew how t...

A US World War 2 Veteran goes to France

A US WWll vet goes to France with his family for a holiday, as they arrive in France the family all go through border control without a problem. The veteran tries to walk past but is told by a French woman who worked at border control that he can’t as he doesn’t have his passport or papers out.
<...

A worried blond woman asks her mum a question

A worried blond woman asks her mum a question:

> Mum, I know you went to France. Didn't you?

Yes, dear. How did you find out?

> And dad? Did he go to France?

No dear. You know you're dad as a proud Englishman hates France. You can be sure he never went to France. ...

A college stud could get with any women he wanted.

Luke was pretty much perfect: star on the football team, top of his class, president multiple clubs, and was hot af. I mean, this guy has slept with hundreds of different girls, even his teachers. However, near his college career, he wants to settle down. He asks one of his best friends, Tracy, i...

illegal immigration attempt

an extremely black african man is trying to get to europe, he makes a fake passport with leonardo dicaprio's name and photo, at the airport the Airport Agent checks the man's passport and he is confused, he looks at the man's face again and rechecks the passort, still confused he calls his coworker ...

A trip down under.

A British tourist arrived at an airport in Australia. He went to speak with the customs guy sitting behind the desk.

Customs: Passport?

Tourist: Here you go.

Customs: Thank you. Have you ever been convicted of a criminal offense?

Tourist: No, I didn't think that was a req...

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How is Chinese airport security like a Russian woman?

They'll fuck anybody with an American passport.

I say this from experience.

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A Polish Joke: Translated

A novice pilot was flying over the Pacific when he was overcome with terror, and called the stewardess into his cabin.

\- Honey, in about 5 minutes we're going to crash and nothing I'm able to do to change the situation. Try, in a gentle way, to explain to the passengers.

The flight at...

an old Russian man wants to visit a friend in germany

an old Russian man remembers a good friend he had in east Germany, and he decides he should go check up. He doesn't have enough money for a plane, however, so he decides he will drive. The next morning he and his wife get into their car and start driving. Several hours go by on the empty road and af...

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A Nazi flew to Poland...

At passport check he was stopped and asked a few questions:

Security "Are you visiting for business or pleasure?"

Nazi "Business"

Security "Occupation?"

Nazi "No, just visiting this time"

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The Unknown Celebrity

The Pope travels to America. Upon arriving in America, a limo comes to pick him up. The Pope, having a simple background, had never driven a limo before. So he excitedly asks the driver if he can drive the limo to the hotel. The driver, flabbergasted, had never heard such a request before and decide...

Du Hast

German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"

The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning....

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so a woman goes to the airport.

a woman gets to the airport and picks up her boarding pass and passport, and makes it through the terminal to the boarding gate. the attendant there asks to see her fying information, and she realizes that between the terminal and the boarding gate, her boarding pass has gone missing."oh shit" she s...

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