UPJOKE
daydoomdoomsdaydestinyfateinwhichthispartonsameoneasitstime

A man on a tractor has just driven past me yelling "the end of the world is nigh"

I think it was Farmer Geddon

End of the World: Stock up on Staples.

My Mom: Do you think this War is the end? Do you think we should stock up on staples?
My Dad: I don't think there will be that much paperwork.

What do you call it when pigs cause the end of the world?

The aporkalypse

How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?

On the apocalypse.

It’s the end of the world as we know it

Because “I feel fine.”

I heard llamas are going to bring about the end of the world.

It's going to be Alpaca-lyptic.

In hindsight it’s easy to see that 2012 wouldn’t be the end of the world.

The end of the world had 2020 vision.

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!

In the end, he came around.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It’s not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

I Can't stop watching doomsday films like The End of the World (1916), The War of the Worlds (1953), Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), The day the Earth stood still (1951) The Omega Man (1971)

It's like there's no tomorrow.

Looks like the end of the world...

Is also made in China.

What’s the end of the world in Italian?

Parmageddon

Got stuck behind a tractor on the way to work this morning. The bloke on top wouldn't stop screaming "We're all doomed! The end of the world is nigh! Repent!"

Turned out it was Farmer Geddon

I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world.

It was just the alpaca lips.

When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky.

They're always 20 years behind everything.

Mark Twain

I've decided to get a PhD in how much soda you should have for the end of the world.

Dr. Prepper, at your service.

The end of the world

I was out walking this morning and was passed by a guy riding a tractor on the road. As he passed me he was screaming "It's the end of the world, the end of the world I tell you"
When I got home I told my wife about him and she said it was probably Farmer Geddon.

With four days left until the end of the world...

I should really try to get better at subtraction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's the end of the world...

..and the animals are fucking in the forest.The elephant is fucking the giraffe,and in one moment the giraffe turns to the elephant and says:We are going to die nevertheless,why did you put a condom on?
And the elephant answers:Um,it's not a condom,the python is giving me a blowjob

When a mute prophet is predicting the end of the world,

that's a sign of the end times.

End of the world

Scientists predict the end of the world, they say that there will be a huge tsunami on earth in 2 weeks. So presidents of all nations are now on tv to speak about it. It starts with Barrack Obama: " My fellow americans, you have now 15 days to spend all of your dollars, so just buy some stuff and en...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

End of the world

Two men are at the bar drinking, when all of a sudden a breaking news report comes on. "Breaking news, the world will end in one week! According to top scientist a meteor will hit the Earth in 7 days!" The first man looks at his friend and say, "so what are you going to in your last days?" To this h...

[Joke]It's the end of the world!

It's the end of the world, as a meteor will hit the Earth in one hour, and everyone is scrambling to shelters worldwide. However, to enter, the United States, broke even now, requires 25 cents to enter, only quarters.

Billy and his granddad are hurrying to the shelter, however, when they get ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks his friend, "What would you do if we only had 24 hours before the end of the world?"

"I would fuck everything that moves", his friend says. "What would you do?"

"I wouldn't move."

Apparently I have catastrophically misunderstood what "apocalypse" means all this time. Oh well.

It's not the end of the world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree

A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree. "I'm thirsty", says the vampire, "I'm going to to bite you in the neck and drink your blood!"

"Nooo!!!" cries the man, "Please don't! I have a wife and kids! I'm too young to die!"

"I don't care" says the va...

So what if I can't spell Armmagedon...

It's not the end of the world

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.