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End Of The World Jokes

A man on a tractor has just driven past me yelling "the end of the world is nigh"

I think it was Farmer Geddon

Before the end of the world, God gathered three presidents: Biden, Xi and Lukashenko.

God told them: “Go and tell your people that in two weeks, the world will end.”

Biden went back to US and said: “I have two pieces of news. One is good, and the other is bad. The good news is that God exists. The bad news is that in two weeks, the world will end”.

Xi w...

End of the World: Stock up on Staples.

My Mom: Do you think this War is the end? Do you think we should stock up on staples?
My Dad: I don't think there will be that much paperwork.

How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?

On the apocalypse.

It’s the end of the world as we know it

Because “I feel fine.”

I heard llamas are going to bring about the end of the world.

It's going to be Alpaca-lyptic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tourist told me that Australia is so far away it must be the arse end of the world

I asked him if he was just passing through...

What type of people won’t stop warning about the end of the world?

Flat earthers

What do you call it when pigs cause the end of the world?

The aporkalypse

In hindsight it’s easy to see that 2012 wouldn’t be the end of the world.

The end of the world had 2020 vision.

When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky.

They're always 20 years behind everything.

Mark Twain

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!

In the end, he came around.

What’s the end of the world in Italian?

Parmageddon

I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world.

It was just the alpaca lips.

Looks like the end of the world...

Is also made in China.

The end of the world

I was out walking this morning and was passed by a guy riding a tractor on the road. As he passed me he was screaming "It's the end of the world, the end of the world I tell you"
When I got home I told my wife about him and she said it was probably Farmer Geddon.

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It's the end of the world...

..and the animals are fucking in the forest.The elephant is fucking the giraffe,and in one moment the giraffe turns to the elephant and says:We are going to die nevertheless,why did you put a condom on?
And the elephant answers:Um,it's not a condom,the python is giving me a blowjob

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It’s not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

End of the world

Two men are at the bar drinking, when all of a sudden a breaking news report comes on. "Breaking news, the world will end in one week! According to top scientist a meteor will hit the Earth in 7 days!" The first man looks at his friend and say, "so what are you going to in your last days?" To this h...

If you get kissed by an alpaca it's not the end of the world.

It's the alpaca-lips.

With four days left until the end of the world...

I should really try to get better at subtraction.

I've decided to get a PhD in how much soda you should have for the end of the world.

Dr. Prepper, at your service.

Got stuck behind a tractor on the way to work this morning. The bloke on top wouldn't stop screaming "We're all doomed! The end of the world is nigh! Repent!"

Turned out it was Farmer Geddon

When a mute prophet is predicting the end of the world,

that's a sign of the end times.

I Can't stop watching doomsday films like The End of the World (1916), The War of the Worlds (1953), Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), The day the Earth stood still (1951) The Omega Man (1971)

It's like there's no tomorrow.

So what if I can’t spell Armmagedon?

It’s not the end of the world.

[Joke]It's the end of the world!

It's the end of the world, as a meteor will hit the Earth in one hour, and everyone is scrambling to shelters worldwide. However, to enter, the United States, broke even now, requires 25 cents to enter, only quarters.

Billy and his granddad are hurrying to the shelter, however, when they get ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks his friend, "What would you do if we only had 24 hours before the end of the world?"

"I would fuck everything that moves", his friend says. "What would you do?"

"I wouldn't move."

Happy Valentines Day

My wife has gotten into prepping for the end of the world, so I’m doing my part to help out. Just bought a five year supply of condoms to keep on hand just in case the end of the world comes. That’s right, I bought the three pack!

God gathers the leaders of every nation

to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences.

Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good ...

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A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree

A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree. "I'm thirsty", says the vampire, "I'm going to to bite you in the neck and drink your blood!"

"Nooo!!!" cries the man, "Please don't! I have a wife and kids! I'm too young to die!"

"I don't care" says the va...

The Pope, Xi Jinping and Donald Trump are summoned by God

"OK", said God, "the world's gonna end in 20 years, go back and prepare your people".

The Pope prepared a great mass at St. Peter's Square and announced "Dear Catholics, I have good and bad news. Rejoice, for God is real, but also repent, for the end of the world is coming in 20 years".
...

Apparently I have catastrophically misunderstood what "apocalypse" means all this time. Oh well.

It's not the end of the world.

I can never spell the word Armagedden.

But whatever, it's not the end of the world.

Covid19 inappropriate playlist thread. Honestly, I'm surprised it not been done yet. I'll start....

REM It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

Steps to success:

1. Predict the end of the world.
2. Write a book about it.
3. Prophet?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

My teacher asked me, "What is the meaning of Apocalypse"..

I didn't know what it meant, and she got really angry. I mean come one, it's not like it's the end of the world.

I was just about to watch Armageddon on Netflix, when my subscription expired.

"Ah well," I thought. "It's not the end of the world."

What the Mayans taught me

The Mayans taught me that if you don't finish something, it's not really the end of the world.

When a flat-earther finds conclusive evidence against their beliefs...

...it’s important for them to know that it’s not the end of the world.

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