A man on a tractor has just driven past me yelling "the end of the world is nigh"

I think it was Farmer Geddon

Looks like the end of the world...

Is also made in China.

I heard llamas are going to bring about the end of the world.

It's going to be Alpaca-lyptic.

In hindsight it’s easy to see that 2012 wouldn’t be the end of the world.

The end of the world had 2020 vision.

What do you call it when pigs cause the end of the world?

The aporkalypse

I Can't stop watching doomsday films like The End of the World (1916), The War of the Worlds (1953), Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), The day the Earth stood still (1951) The Omega Man (1971)

It's like there's no tomorrow.

How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?

On the apocalypse.

What’s the end of the world in Italian?

Parmageddon

It’s the end of the world as we know it

Because “I feel fine.”

I've decided to get a PhD in how much soda you should have for the end of the world.

Dr. Prepper, at your service.

I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world.

It was just the alpaca lips.

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat!

In the end, he came around.

When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky.

They're always 20 years behind everything.

Mark Twain

Revelations states that the end of the world would be signaled by “Trumpets”. Lately, I’m beginning to think we mistranslated, and really it’s,

*The end of the world would be signaled by Trump/Pence*.

Got stuck behind a tractor on the way to work this morning. The bloke on top wouldn't stop screaming "We're all doomed! The end of the world is nigh! Repent!"

Turned out it was Farmer Geddon

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It’s not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

The end of the world

I was out walking this morning and was passed by a guy riding a tractor on the road. As he passed me he was screaming "It's the end of the world, the end of the world I tell you"
When I got home I told my wife about him and she said it was probably Farmer Geddon.

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It's the end of the world...

..and the animals are fucking in the forest.The elephant is fucking the giraffe,and in one moment the giraffe turns to the elephant and says:We are going to die nevertheless,why did you put a condom on?
And the elephant answers:Um,it's not a condom,the python is giving me a blowjob

With four days left until the end of the world...

I should really try to get better at subtraction.

When a mute prophet is predicting the end of the world,

that's a sign of the end times.

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End of the world

Two men are at the bar drinking, when all of a sudden a breaking news report comes on. "Breaking news, the world will end in one week! According to top scientist a meteor will hit the Earth in 7 days!" The first man looks at his friend and say, "so what are you going to in your last days?" To this h...

[Joke]It's the end of the world!

It's the end of the world, as a meteor will hit the Earth in one hour, and everyone is scrambling to shelters worldwide. However, to enter, the United States, broke even now, requires 25 cents to enter, only quarters.

Billy and his granddad are hurrying to the shelter, however, when they get ...

End of the world

Scientists predict the end of the world, they say that there will be a huge tsunami on earth in 2 weeks. So presidents of all nations are now on tv to speak about it. It starts with Barrack Obama: " My fellow americans, you have now 15 days to spend all of your dollars, so just buy some stuff and en...

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A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree

A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree. "I'm thirsty", says the vampire, "I'm going to to bite you in the neck and drink your blood!"

"Nooo!!!" cries the man, "Please don't! I have a wife and kids! I'm too young to die!"

"I don't care" says the va...

The Pope, Xi Jinping and Donald Trump are summoned by God

"OK", said God, "the world's gonna end in 20 years, go back and prepare your people".

The Pope prepared a great mass at St. Peter's Square and announced "Dear Catholics, I have good and bad news. Rejoice, for God is real, but also repent, for the end of the world is coming in 20 years".
...

So what if I can't spell "armagedon" correctly ?

Its not the end of the world.

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A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

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A man and a wife are in a hotel room on the 3rd, rekindling their love for each other...

It quickly turns into teenage, window fogging, grope fest and they start to fuck like bunnies. After they finish the first round, they notice the room's a little different. The man steps outside and checks around and notices the room across him is 415. "Weird", said the man to himself. "I thought th...

People playing video games get so upset when it says "you can't go any further."

Geez, people, it's not the end of the world.

A truck driver is heading west across the Arizona desert. He has been driving all night, and as the sun starts to rise, he feels the need to stop and commune with nature.

He pulls to the side of the road, parks, and walks out into the sage brush.
As he is standing there, looking around at the beauty of the early morning, he notices a lever sticking out of the ground. After a few moments, he walks over, walks all the way around, and then reaches out to grasp the le...

BALLS FOR SALE (not mine)

This woman is cleaning out her attic, when she comes across a small shoebox she hasn't seen before. She opens it. Inside: 3 golf balls, and $50 in cash. There's only one golfer in the house, so she asks him when he gets home form work.

he breaks down completely. "Every time I was unfaithful t...

Ok so I can’t spell Armageddin

It’s not the end of the world though is it?

Covid19 inappropriate playlist thread. Honestly, I'm surprised it not been done yet. I'll start....

REM It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

My teacher asked me, "What is the meaning of Apocalypse"..

I didn't know what it meant, and she got really angry. I mean come one, it's not like it's the end of the world.

I can never spell the word Armagedden.

But whatever, it's not the end of the world.

Some people are scared of the apocalypse but I’m not to worried

I mean it wouldn’t be the end of the world

I was just about to watch Armageddon on Netflix, when my subscription expired.

"Ah well," I thought. "It's not the end of the world."

God gathers the leaders of every nation

to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences.

Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good ...

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A depressed doctor

A doctor was heavily depressed, he heard 2 voices in his head constantly

the first voice was nice and tried to help him, it said things like "so what if you had sex with your patient", "it is not the end of the world for you", "lot of doctors have done that, it is not a big deal it happens co...

Steps to success:

1. Predict the end of the world.
2. Write a book about it.
3. Prophet?

When a flat-earther finds conclusive evidence against their beliefs...

...it’s important for them to know that it’s not the end of the world.

I'm making my own Crossword Puzzle but I'm struggling to think up a clue for 3 down, 'Armageddon'.

Ah well, it's not the end of the world.

I wish teachers would stop putting so much emphasis on vocab tests

So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means. Its not the end of the world.

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Honestly, everyone can get fucked...

So what if I don't know what 'apocalypse' means?

It's not the end of the world!

What the Mayans taught me

The Mayans taught me that if you don't finish something, it's not really the end of the world.

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A guy was trying to console a friend

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?" The fella p...

I don't know how to spell Armaggedon

But who cares - it's not the end of the world!

Our Sins

So what if the whole Hilary/Trump presidential race is a result of of that last guy who didn't forward that chain mail causing the end of the world...

A Small Collection of US State Jokes

**Georgia**

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,0...

There was once a skeleton who enjoyed comedy...

Jokes and humorous anecdotes were his life. He watched every big comedian on TV, devoted many hours after work to finding new comedy clubs with new comedians. There was nothing else to his life but comedy.

One day, the skeleton is going through the back alley to a small, unknown comedy club, ...

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The apocalypse is coming!

So all animals gathered and decided, that since they were all gona die, why not have one huge orgy. The orgy began and at some point the female giraffe asked the elephant if he wants to fuck her, to which he quickly agreed and started screwing her. Few moments later the giraffe turned around and sai...

Sometimes I drink to cure my malaise.

If I get drunk this Friday because I am bummed about the end of the world, am I getting sauced because of Mayan-aise?

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