*CORPORATE JOKE*

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.


Joe ...

To improve corporate rapport , they made it compulsory for guys to hang out with other guys outside of work

I guess that was the "mandate"

My ex left me because I'm "too much of a corporate scumbag".

I'm holding interviews for the new vacancy if anyone's interested.

Full-time, permanent basis.

Contact me via email.

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TWENTY DOLLARS

On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and demanded $20.00 for their first lovemaking Encounter. In his highly aroused state, Her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
C...

Corporate Joke

Once a man goes to a shop to buy parrot.
He asks the shop owner price of the Parrot:

*Shop owner:* Rs. 500

*Customer:* Why so costly?

*Shop owner:* He knows, Word, Excel and Power Point.

*Customer:* What's the price of this second Parrot?

*Shop owner:* Rs. ...

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The secret to success in the corporate world

A young professional parks his battered old car outside his office one morning. Stepping out, he sees the CEO sweeping into the car park in his brand new, sparkling, top of the range Mercedes S Class.

Starstruck, and knowing this company has an ethos of openness which means everyone is appro...

What do you get when you combine corporate greed, sleazy politicians, and willful ignorance?

A climate crisis!

What do you call a devil stealing corporate money?

An Embeelzebuber

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Jack and Mary work in a corporate office building together.

Their boss has a dilemma, both are hard, diligent workers but the company's not doing so well, and cannot afford to keep both. He decides he's going to watch them both from his office one day, and whoever works the hardest will keep their job.


On Friday, he watches them all through the...

The head of human resources is interviewing a potential candidate for the open position of corporate attorney.

“Would you consider yourself an honest lawyer?” the HR person asks in the interview.



“Honest?” the lawyer responds. “Let me tell you how honest I am. My father sold everything he had to put me through law school. After my very first case, I paid him back in full.”



“That...

A Cherokee chief and a corporate director

A Cherokee chief, poorly dressed, and a corporate director in a fancy suit share a bench in Central Park.

The corporate guy notices that from time to time the chief is peeking at his paper bag, printed with a clever design, that rests at his feet.

“You like the bag?”

“Yes, fancy...

Amazed by the stunning beauty of their new secretary, two corporate executives resolved to make her adjustment to her new firm their personal business...

“It’s up to us to teach her the difference between right and wrong,” said the first executive. “Agreed,” exclaimed the second. “You teach her what’s right.”

Corporate Story

At a meeting, the Boss told a joke. 
Everyone on the team laughed except one guy. 
The Boss asked him, 'Didn’t you understand my joke?' 
The guy replied, 'Oh I understood it, but I resigned this morning.'

A delicate corporate matter

All of the 10 Senior Members of the Board of Directors of the Company were called into the Chairman’s office one by one . . . until only Bob, the junior-most Member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned . . .

He entered the Office to find the Chairman...

A friend has 2 tickets in a corporate box for the World cup final game Sun 15th July He paid £500 each including flights but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! He is looking for someone to take his place

It's at Sheffield Town Hall at 4pm. Her name is Nicola -- she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook. Message me for more details.

I have an irrational fear of large intricate corporate buildings.

You could say I have a complex complex complex.

Trading gold for a good consulting / corporate or office joke...

Guys, it's been a long day, I need a laugh and I've got three months of gold to give away. Help me out?

What's the most dangerous thing in the corporate ocean?

The Loan Shark

I almost got fired at the cement plant today...

But corporate realized that they didn't have concrete evidence to fire me.

What hotel did Blockbuster rent for their corporate retreats?

Hotel Rewind-a.

New guy in big corporate

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day
of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
...

Long John Silver's is the perfect representation of corporate greed.

Nearly everything that company does is selfish.

Someone has been spraying graffiti of what appears to be corporate ledgers all around my neighborhood.

And the words of the profits are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls.

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A fly walks into a proctologist’s office

And across the desk of that proctologist the fly goes into the issues that cause him pain.

“Well, where to begin... uhhhh let’s start with my credit, I took a dive of a FICO score from 670 to 450 in the last 6 months, my boss is cracking down on these new reports that corporate wants done da...

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After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences.

After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences.

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: Basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling
3. T...

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Corporate Lesson #3

A bird is late to fly south for the winter, and when his wings start to freeze, he lands in a barnyard. The bird is pretty irritated (an angry bird, perhaps) with his situation - when all of a sudden a cow shows up and takes a huge crap on him.

At first, the bird becomes even more upset, b...

Dealing with Corporate Information Gathering

The other day, I was purchasing a television antenna in a major electronics store and was asked by the cashier for my name.

“Why,” I asked. ‘I don’t need a warranty.”

“I have to have it for our records,” explained the cashier.

Fed up with practice of companies gathering as mu...

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A man decides to give up corporate life and move to cabin deep in the woods...

For a few months he lets go of the stress of the big city, chops his own fire wood, grows his own vegetables and enjoys the natural splendor of his surroundings.

Then one day he hears a knock on his cabin door and finds a huge, hairy, gristled old lumber jack standing on his porch.

"...

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Dave is tired of the corporate world and city life so he moves to a small country town....

After a few weeks of not seeing a single soul there was a knock on his door. He opens it to be greeted by a man.

"Welcome to the neighbourhood, my name is Jimbob. I'm your neighbour and would like to invite you to a party"

"That sounds great!" Dave replies.

"Oh it will be, there...

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Rules of Corporate Management - Part 1

I have spent a lot of years working in corporations small, large and massive. I have climbed the corporate ladder and have gathered three rules that are invariable true. Follow these rules and you will survive. They come in the form of fables.

Rule 1
One day, a turkey is walking down th...

Out of town trial

A lawyer tries a case out of town, accompanied by his corporate client. After the case is given to the jury, the lawyer and his client wait for the verdict, which doesn't come in for days. After the second day, the lawyer the tells his client to go home, and he'll let him know as soon as the verdict...

Job rotation!

A husband visited a marriage counsellor and said:

When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it's different.
I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my ...

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A restaurant owner tells his bartender: ok, today we're gonna serve a special cocktail.

You have to take 10 grams of vodka, dilute it in 100 liters of water and that's basically it.

Bartender: What is this, some mental institution inmates celebrate an anniversary of their institutionalization?

The restaurant owner: No, just a bunch of homeopaths having a corporate party.

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar...

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. Later, a D comes ...

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An American and Japanese team decided to engage in a competitive boat race.

Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.

On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a c...

In Soviet Russia, you rob bank.

In Corporate America, bank robs YOU!

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