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Corporate Jokes

*CORPORATE JOKE*

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

...

At a corporate party…

The director of HR stood up and said “If anyone has any comments or anything they’d like to say please come up to the microphone”

An employee stood up and walked over. He picked up the microphone and pointed it directly at the speakers. A loud obnoxious noise screeched out and filled the room...

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The Corporate Ladder

A recent study in USA have found an interesting relationship between a man social status and the sport he watches

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employee is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front line workers is Ame...

I have an irrational fear of large intricate corporate buildings.

You could say I have a complex complex complex.

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The secret to success in the corporate world

A young professional parks his battered old car outside his office one morning. Stepping out, he sees the CEO sweeping into the car park in his brand new, sparkling, top of the range Mercedes S Class.

Starstruck, and knowing this company has an ethos of openness which means everyone is appro...

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A delicate corporate matter

All of the ten senior members of the Board of Directors of the company were called into the chairman's office one at a time until only Bob, the most junior member was left sitting outside.

Finally it was Bob's turn to be summoned. He entered the office to find the Chairman and the ten other d...

Corporate Joke

Once a man goes to a shop to buy parrot.
He asks the shop owner price of the Parrot:

*Shop owner:* Rs. 500

*Customer:* Why so costly?

*Shop owner:* He knows, Word, Excel and Power Point.

*Customer:* What's the price of this second Parrot?

*Shop owner:* Rs. ...

Corporate Story

At a meeting, the Boss told a joke. 
Everyone on the team laughed except one guy. 
The Boss asked him, 'Didn’t you understand my joke?' 
The guy replied, 'Oh I understood it, but I resigned this morning.'

A Cherokee chief and a corporate director

A Cherokee chief, poorly dressed, and a corporate director in a fancy suit share a bench in Central Park.

The corporate guy notices that from time to time the chief is peeking at his paper bag, printed with a clever design, that rests at his feet.

“You like the bag?”

“Yes, fancy...

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.

On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?""No," replied the trainee."It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"T...

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Jack and Mary work in a corporate office building together.

Their boss has a dilemma, both are hard, diligent workers but the company's not doing so well, and cannot afford to keep both. He decides he's going to watch them both from his office one day, and whoever works the hardest will keep their job.


On Friday, he watches them all through the...

If the corporate building for a company is called a headquarters, what do you call the gym?

Bodybuilding.

Trading gold for a good consulting / corporate or office joke...

Guys, it's been a long day, I need a laugh and I've got three months of gold to give away. Help me out?

Santa Claus, a blind guy, and an honest corporate executive approach a dollar on the sidewalk. Who picks it up first?

None of them, because the blind guy wouldn't see it, and the other two don't exist.

What do you call a devil stealing corporate money?

An Embeelzebuber

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Corporate Lesson #3

A bird is late to fly south for the winter, and when his wings start to freeze, he lands in a barnyard. The bird is pretty irritated (an angry bird, perhaps) with his situation - when all of a sudden a cow shows up and takes a huge crap on him.

At first, the bird becomes even more upset, b...

My ex left me because I'm "too much of a corporate scumbag".

I'm holding interviews for the new vacancy if anyone's interested.

Full-time, permanent basis.

Contact me via email.

Dealing with Corporate Information Gathering

The other day, I was purchasing a television antenna in a major electronics store and was asked by the cashier for my name.

“Why,” I asked. ‘I don’t need a warranty.”

“I have to have it for our records,” explained the cashier.

Fed up with practice of companies gathering as mu...

What hotel did Blockbuster rent for their corporate retreats?

Hotel Rewind-a.

The head of human resources is interviewing a potential candidate for the open position of corporate attorney.

“Would you consider yourself an honest lawyer?” the HR person asks in the interview.



“Honest?” the lawyer responds. “Let me tell you how honest I am. My father sold everything he had to put me through law school. After my very first case, I paid him back in full.”



“That...

What do you get when you combine corporate greed, sleazy politicians, and willful ignorance?

A climate crisis!

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According to a recent study, women with large breasts have greater success in corporate world than

Men with large breasts.

What do American police have in common with American Congress?

They only serve and protect corporate interests.

Long John Silver's is the perfect representation of corporate greed.

Nearly everything that company does is selfish.

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Rules of Corporate Management - Part 1

I have spent a lot of years working in corporations small, large and massive. I have climbed the corporate ladder and have gathered three rules that are invariable true. Follow these rules and you will survive. They come in the form of fables.

Rule 1
One day, a turkey is walking down th...

To improve corporate rapport , they made it compulsory for guys to hang out with other guys outside of work

I guess that was the "mandate"

What's the difference between a Hollywood writer and a pain doctor?

If their corporate owners tell them to write more scripts, the Hollywood writer might say no.

Cyberpunk 2077 has created a story about corporate interests crushing people under the weight of commodification and dehumanisation, with high tech stakes about a world full of technology gone awry.

The game has similar themes.

Someone has been spraying graffiti of what appears to be corporate ledgers all around my neighborhood.

And the words of the profits are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls.

What does Corporate America call a company with an all-white, all-male Board of Directors and an all-white, all-male Executive Team, except for one white lady who's the VP of HR and an Indian dude who's the CTO?

Diverse

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The Americans and The Japanese

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced rowing hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that th...

Amazed by the stunning beauty of their new secretary, two corporate executives resolved to make her adjustment to her new firm their personal business...

“It’s up to us to teach her the difference between right and wrong,” said the first executive. “Agreed,” exclaimed the second. “You teach her what’s right.”

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A man decides to give up corporate life and move to cabin deep in the woods...

For a few months he lets go of the stress of the big city, chops his own fire wood, grows his own vegetables and enjoys the natural splendor of his surroundings.

Then one day he hears a knock on his cabin door and finds a huge, hairy, gristled old lumber jack standing on his porch.

"...

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Dave is tired of the corporate world and city life so he moves to a small country town....

After a few weeks of not seeing a single soul there was a knock on his door. He opens it to be greeted by a man.

"Welcome to the neighbourhood, my name is Jimbob. I'm your neighbour and would like to invite you to a party"

"That sounds great!" Dave replies.

"Oh it will be, there...

Musical Bar

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors here." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished
and the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is no...

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

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The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter...

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter.

In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for...

Why did the intern become an elevator repairman?

Because he didn't want to spend years climbing the corporate ladder.

Answer: IBM

Question: What's Amber Heard's top corporate investment tip.

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Joke from old Czechoslovakia, translated for you

I was a CEO of big company. I was driving corporate Tatra 613. Every morning, coffee was brewed by sexy secretary assistant. One day, they asked me to contribute 5000 crowns for the funeral of the member of Central Committee of the Communist Party. I said that for 5000 crowns I will burry the while ...

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