UPJOKE
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Eliminating Jokes

My doctor told me to start killing people

Well, his exact words were "you need to start eliminating the stress in your life".

Whatever, same thing.

Once Upon A Time there was a International Poets Contest. All the poets from across the lands came to compete bringing there best original work to compete against their peers. For 40 days and nights they competed eliminating Poet after Poet.

On the 40th day they had narrowed it down to only 2 poets. Both poets read poems back to back for 12 hours, each poem as good as the last. After the 12th hour the judge’s became exhausted and realized that this may never end as both poets were equally amazing. They had to decide a winner and they ha...

On a first date:

Her - So what do you do?

Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers.

Her - Wow, that's impressive!

Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons.

On my first date, she asked me what am I doing currently

Me : I am right now in the process of eliminating all cancers

Her : Wow thats great!

Me : yep, after cancer it will be virgo

Dan Schneider has finally admitted that the Washington Redskins have an offensive name and will be changing it.

From now on they will just be called the Redskins and eliminating all offensive references.

A Man Finds a Lamp...

A man is on a walj when he comes across as lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out.

The genie tells the man he will grant him 3 wishes.

The man thinks long and hard and declares "I want to live a long and healthy life."

The genie immediately scans the man's body, eliminatin...

Tiger Woods is playing a practice round for The Masters

Midway through his round he stumbles upon an old magic genie lamp and out comes a fairly old semi retired genie but the genie granted Tiger one wish nonetheless. Tiger gave it some thought and told the genie about the recent struggles he’s having with painkillers and the opioid epidemic across this ...

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