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Elimination Jokes

There's a detective who figures out crime by sitting on the toilet.

He solves cases by process of elimination.

Hey girl, are you an obelisk?

Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through process of elimination.

Best Of Both Worlds

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

What is Xi Jinping's favourite way to lose unwanted weight?

An elimination diet

Agreement

My wife and I have an agreement that works...

She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones.

This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family...

Hey girl, are you an obelisk?

Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through process of elimination.

Zelensky recieves a call from an unknown number (a joke)

Anon: Sir, I have a clear shot at putin. How much will you pay me for successful elimination?

Zelensky: 1 million dollas for not killing putin.

The man shocked at the response, asks for a reason for this.

Zelensky: No way the next guy they put in is going to be this incompetent

My son grabbed some coins from his mother's purse and swallowed them.

We weren't sure how much he actually swallowed at first, but we finally figured it out using the process of elimination.

Once Upon A Time there was a International Poets Contest. All the poets from across the lands came to compete bringing there best original work to compete against their peers. For 40 days and nights they competed eliminating Poet after Poet.

On the 40th day they had narrowed it down to only 2 poets. Both poets read poems back to back for 12 hours, each poem as good as the last. After the 12th hour the judge’s became exhausted and realized that this may never end as both poets were equally amazing. They had to decide a winner and they ha...

The definition of "coprophile"

is someone who gets off through a process of elimination

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob tries to get a job and has to answer questions from the interviewer.

Interviewer: Are you smart?

Bob: I'm not smart, but I am clever.

Interviewer: How so?

Bob: in class, I sat next to the dumbest and second dumbest person in class, I'm the third dumbest, but by peeking at their tests, I got the highest score in the class.

Interviewer: H...

My seven-year-old said he had looked everywhere around the house for me before tracking me down in the toilet...

I told him it was a process of elimination.

(to think, probably my best ever on-the-spot Dad joke, and I then have to explain it...)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Old-timers Were Discussing Problems of Old Age

The first one had urinary problems and said “It’s really terrible because I’m always
having to get up in the middle of the night to pee..and then other nights I need to pee
but nothing comes out. I’d give anything to just be able to pee normally.”

The second guy had elimination issues....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.


Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic...

World's smartest man contest.

There was a world's smartest man contest held and only two contestants remained. A book smart college man, and a country fellow from the west. The panel of 3 judges gave the contestants a variety of challenging questions and both always answered correctly.

The contest had been going for day...

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