There was a kidnapping at a local middle school recently

The teacher had to wake him up right away


(Taken from a 3rd grader I coach)

An Orphan walks into a Middle school filled with brats

Suddenly everyone starts joking about being better than an orphan.
Suddenly, the Orphan turns back and say, “Hey at least I didn’t have people who could decide whether I should get a Polio vaccine on my behalf. ”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Group of middle school students visit the Vatican

The teacher guides them through the hallways and tells them about the paintings.

Teacher: "This famous painting made Michelangelo represents the God creating Adam. Can someone tell us what they see here?"

Susan decides to speak:

"Nice muscles", she says

Teacher is furiou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An oldie but a goodie, middle school legend. Its worded in a way as if its a conversation, bear with me.

So there's this kid, kinda stupid, going to kindergarten. He's set to learn his alphabet. His teacher tells him to go.home, and memorize the first 3 letters of the alphabet.

He goes home, and goes to his mom, who's talking on the phone with her ex-boyfriend. She's talking away, things are ge...

Said in my middle school science class. "Halophiles are a type of bacteria that can survive in the saltiest places on earth."

Student Response: Does that mean they can survive inside a Fortnite lobby?

I wanted to high five this student so hard.

How is Anti-Vax children and middle school the same?

They only last three years

When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.

Al-gebra.

A little boy tries out for a play at his middle school.

After auditions, he comes home, and his mom asks him, “What part did you get?”

The boy replies, “I got the part of the Jewish Husband.”

Angrily, the mother replies, “You march right back to that school and tell them you want a speaking part.”

I remember having a dry ice presentation in middle school.

It was sublime.

What do fish in middle school worry about?

Shellfishteem.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A middle school boy comes home crying...

His dad asks, "What's wrong, son?" "A boy at school called me gay!" the son replied. The dad then says, "Well, if he does it again, you can punch him in the face." The boy then stated, "But he's cute!"

Teacher offers middle school students a monday absence. If....

...Anyone can use the term 'definitely' properly in a phrase.

So Sarah raises her hand, and says "The sky is definitely blue."

Teacher tells her: "That's a very good response! But, sometimes the sky turns rather pink, or it gets dark out, and the sky gets black. Anyone else?"

A...

What do Mexican kids read in middle school?

Tequila Mockingbird.

What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Al Qaeda training ground?

I dunno, I just fly the drone.

When I was in middle school, my "friends" used to force me to eat vegetables until I almost threw up.

They even started sending me pictures of vegetables on the internet, threatening to make me eat lettuce until I was sick. To this day, I still suffer from the effects of their rampant and traumatic fiber-bullying.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's kind of awkward to see Reddit comments call chokers a "blackbelt in sucking dick" when a bunch of your daughter's middle school friends wear them.

I mean, c'mon: my daughter's friends are terrible at sucking dick!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My "go-to" joke in middle school. Mildly NSFW

Superman was flying around the city and was super horny. He spotted Wonder Woman lying on top of a building naked, with her legs spread. He figured he could fly down there, fuck her super fast, and be outta there before she even knew what happened. So Superman flew down at incredible speed, hit it h...

If life was like middle school

Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?

Criminal: Nope

Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum secu...

I felt a little behind in Middle School

It was a major bummer when the cops found out :(

The kids at middle school are studying WWII...

... and little Timmys grandpa, who was a fighter pilot in the war, is invited to class to tell about his experiences. He reminisces:

"Now, the worst situation I was ever in, was probably when I encountered a German air wing all by myself. I had one Fokker above me, one Fokker behind me and on...

So a middle school is putting on a musical

The musical is about classical composers and they need three boys to play the leads.

The first boy comes in and says he wants the part of Beethoven. His name is marked down and he leaves.

The second boy comes in and says he wants the part of Mozart. His name is marked down and he leave...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem.

A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. She called al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Middle school sex

A middle schooler comes home one day with a certain spring in his step. When questioned about this, he tells his parents that he lost his virginity at school.

His mother is appalled and sends him to bed, though his father is secretly proud. The next day the father gloats to all his coworkers ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy with a 40-inch dick...(from my middle school years)

A guy with a 40-inch dick goes to a surgeon's cabinet to get his dick shortened, as he can't get laid because it scares women off.
The surgeon accepts to perform the surgery, but he charges a lot because it's unusual.

The man's broke, so he tries something else. He goes to see a voodoo wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This one was my favorite when I was in middle school.

A lion walks proudly in the jungle and thinks to himself: "I really am the the king of the jungle." So he walks to the sheep and asks him: "Hey! who is the king of the jungle, you peasant?" The sheep answers: "Of course you are your majesty." The lion then finds a fox and asks him: "Hey who is the k...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I learned in middle school!

A boy is hearing his parents argue. His mom calls his dad a son of a bitch! And his dad calls his mom a bitch. The boy asks his parents what bitch and son of a bitch mean. The mom explains bitch means grandma. The dad explains that son of a bitch means grandpa. The boy is satisfied and goes off to p...

Why did the meatball chef get fired from the middle school cafeteria?

They caught him stroganoff.

If you snort coke, you get high. If you snort flour...

..you get baked.

...frighteningly, my 5th grader came up with this while we were having a discussion about drugs and what he might end up seeing in Middle School next year.

I've known Paul for years

He's always been such a nice guy. In middle school, our teachers would always ask if he finished his homework. Paul would hold up his homework and say yes. During lunch, kids would always ask if they could sit with him, and Paul would say yes. A kid would ask if he's trade his pudding cup for an app...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 6 had a crush on 7 ever since middle school, but couldn't build up the courage to ask her out. His friends 8 and 9 pushed him to ask her out to prom, and she said yes. They fell in love and got married, 6 got a job as an electrician and 7 played as the house wife. They had 2 beautiful twin g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Ms. Delinsky is trying to get her 4th-graders to settle down for a quiz.

She's been having real problems with her newest year of students, who as always seem way rowdier than the year before them. She blames smart phones and internet memes for this. However, Ms. Delinsky a clever lady, and she thinks she has a plan. She's going to start a 'meme' in her class: Quiz Positi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I realised today that as a straight male in my mid twenties, having been single for multiple years and surrounded myself with other men, I'd never taken the opportunity to take part in the tossing and rolling they did together behind closed doors. My older neighbor told me about it in 2nd grade and

I was fascinated by how far it broke from the concepts of "normalcy" I had been brought up with. He said they'd go for hours exploring with eachother, never leaving the room. Sometimes in middle school I'd walk by a class in the hall and hear a group of them grunting and huffing, occasionally lettin...

Dr. Amrak, superintendent of the Tidder School District, was nervous about the upcoming budget meeting.

All of the schools in the district needed new benches and tables in their cafeterias. Unfortunately, the Tidder Comets were in a difficult financial situation, and all of the estimates for the cafeteria furniture were way too expensive. One day before the big meeting, Dr. Amrak told his secretary,...

A woman is getting lunch ready when the phone rings.

“This is the middle school calling about your son Phillip. He’s been caught telling unbelievable lies.”

“I’ll say he has,” the woman replies. “I don’t have a son.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three gentlemen were hired to reduce tge usage of drugs at school.

Each one was free to choose their own method, as long as it served their cause.

Three months later, the men had a meeting to discuss the effectiveness if their campaign, rheir progress so far and future plans. The first man stood up and said:

"During these three months, I convinced 100...

Your momma's so fat....

She saw a yellow bus full of white kids and screamed "FOLLOW THAT TWINKIE!!!"




god i miss middle school

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watson walks in on Sherlock having sex with a clearly underaged girl

Watson: "Bloody hell, Sherlock! What'd you think you're doing with that girl. She looks like she's in middle school!"






Sherlock: "Elementary, my dear Watson."

A couple had their first daughter and were deciding on a name.

The man decides he wants to call her Hope. The woman says “I like Love, let’s call her that!” They come to the resolution to name her Love, since that’s what the wife wanted so badly. Times goes by and baby Love is born a happy baby. Love continued to be a happy baby all through elementary school. H...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple are having some sex issues....

.....The wife is always prepared for it at the end of the day, but the husband just doesn’t have the libido he had in their younger days. The wife does her best to work solo, but no matter what, she is never really satisfied.
To correct this issue, the wife decides to see a specialist wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Sex with me is like Shakespeare..."

It was forced upon you in middle school.

YOUR TURN: "Sex with me is like shakespeare: ________________."

**Edit: Start your own at [/r/sexwithme](http://www.reddit.com/r/sexwithme/)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid walks into a brothel with a dead frog tied to a string dragging behind him...

He goes up to the Madame and asks for a whore.

The Madame says: "I can't give you one of my girls, you're just a kid!"

Kid slaps a crisp $100 on the desk and says: "I just want to look at them. How about now?"

Madame: "Ok, I guess that's all right." Lines 'em up.

Kid look...

I was hoping my sister could help me with trigonometry...

But then I remembered, "she's in middle school, of course secant"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i was teased about my penis size almost every day of elementary school...

i think next year i'll teach middle school

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lipstick Girls

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls...

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (I remember this from the 1970s when I was in middle school. It's one of my first dirty jokes)

I was nervous my first day in, so I walked up to the toughest guy in the cafeteria and knocked him out...

but I lost my job as a middle school teacher

A man and his 3 daughters

This was one of my favorites from middle school:
So a man has 3 daughters and he is sitting alone in his room one night.
His oldest daughter comes in and asks, "Dad, why did you name me Rose?" He responds, "Well when you were born a rose petal fell on your forehead."
She leaves and the seco...

A young girl...

There once was a little girl named Lucy who loved to read, particularly fairy tales. Her mother was sweet and her father was a clown (literally). For a long time, the little girl would read these books of hers, and eventually came to the conclusion that trolls were her favorite creature of them all....

A private school dance...

There are two private middle schools having a school dance together in on of the school's gyms. One is an all girls' school, and the other is an all boys' school.

All of the kids are dancing in the middle of the school's gym and having a pretty good time...except for one girl with a peg leg a...

Want to hear a dirty joke?

Sam played in the mud.
Want to hear a clean joke?
Sam took a bath with Bubbles.
Want to hear another dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.

Enjoy this middle school level joke I suddenly remembered for some reason.

My daughter is making a documentary on the invention of the telephone, for a school project.

I remember the time I did that, in middle school.

Rings A Bell.

So this guy, Rob, is at an interview...

And on his resume, he claims that he is friends with almost everyone in the world. The boss, who's interviewing him, clearly doesn't believe him.

"If you know everyone, then hook me up with Obama."

"Oh yeah! Sure! Obama and I went to middle school together! I'll call him up"

Rob...

Wood Eye

There was a young boy who had his eye put out when he was in middle school. His family was too poor to get him a glass eye, but his dad was a woodworker. So, his dad made him a wooden eye. When he returned to school, all of the kids made fun of him calling him, "Wood eye, wood eye." He tolerated the...

Modern Pedophiles

A pedophile sits in his van outside a middle school, to try and get 'lucky' with some of the girls just getting out of class.

The first girl walks across the streets from school and he says, "Hey honey, could you come here, I need directions."

She responds she doesn't talk to strangers...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother, the jackass, and the theoretical blind kid.

My brother came home from middle school one day and I could tell he was very upset. I asked him what was wrong. He told me that between classes he stopped in the restroom to take a piss and he set his brand new binder on the counter next to the sink before doing his business. Some asshole kid came i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for 2/15

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

In New York City, Justin Bieber posed for a photo with cops after he picked up their check at a diner. The officers quickly posted the photo to social media, right after they cropped out Justin Bieber.

In Pennsylvan...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.