A teacher asks her primary school students what their father do for a living

"So, Timothy, what does your father do ?"

"My dad is a firefighter !"

"Fantastic ! And you Samantha, what does your father do ?"

" He's an accountant !"

"Wonderful ! And yours, Jimmy ?"

Poor little Jimmy then breaks into tears and wails "my father is dead !"
...

Vladimir Putin shows up in one of the Moscow's primary schools

After the welcoming ceremony there is some time for the students to ask the President a few questions

Little Sasha stands up and says:

I only have 2 questions:

1. Why did Russia take over the Crimea?

2. What are Russian soldiers doing in Ukraine?

Before Putin was a...

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Donald Trump was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy”. So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a “tragedy”.

One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs ove...

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world.

After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.

"I have four questions," he says.
"First -- what happened in Benghazi? Seco...

My friend fell in love with a girl from his primary school so he gave her a big kiss

Now he can't teach there anymore

Two kids meet on their first day of primary school.

"I've always been clever," says one kid. "I've been walking since I was 9 months old."
"You call that clever?" says the other. "I let them carry me around until I was 4."

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A primary school student told his teacher he found a dead cat

The teacher asked him how did he know it was dead the boy replied “I pissed in its ear” the teacher looked shocked and shouted “You Did WHAT” “you know” explained the boy “I leant over and went pssst in its ear and it didn’t move

I met my girlfriend in primary school.

I can't wait til she goes to college.

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I read a sign outside my local primary school saying: "Slow children playing."

I thought, fucking hell that can't do much for their self-esteem, but then I realised that they probably won't be able to read it.

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A group of primary school students were participating in a local spelling bee.

A keen young boy steps before the judges and is told, "Your word is spider."

Not quite sure as to how to spell it, the boy asks, "Could you please use it in a sentence?"

A judge replies, "A spider has eight eyes."

The boy then states, "S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R."

A joke I've known since primary school.

A huge flood occured one day, and an entire town is swallowed up by the water.


A man driving a boat comes by a man that's trying to stay afloat.


**"Quick, get on my boat!",** he said.


The semi-drowning man replies that God will send him help and save him. And so the...

What did little John Cena say to his primary school teacher when she gave him his report card?

You can't C me!

What is the difference between an Afghanistani Primary School and a Taliban Base?

What would I know, I am just a drone pilot.

I can always tell by their eyes if someone is a primary school teacher

They have small pupils.....

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Sherlock Holmes and John Watson were walking past an American primary school...

And Sherlock Holmes points and says "Elementary, my dear Watson" Watson, realizing how obvious this is, replies "No shit, Sherlock"

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I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

Y...

I was 7 years sober, no alcohol, no cigarettes, no betting, and then...

...I started primary school.

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I caught my elder brother masturbating when I was a kid

He told me he's practicing Kung Fu.

I would never forget the day my primary school teacher asked in my class that who can perform Kung Fu.

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A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him

"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the ...

A reporter at an interview asked Donald Trump..

A reporter at an interview asked Donald Trump the following question: "Can you tell us, Mr. President, why did you cut primary school funding and why did you raise government prisons' funding by 200%?"


"Well I'm certainly not going to go back to primary school, am I?"

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The teacher and little Johnny

As part of a class language test a teacher asked her primary school class to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

Sarah put her hand up and said "over the weekend we visited my grandfather on his farm, I was fascinated by all the animals he had"

The teacher replied "That was very goo...

So last week I had my driving test

Halfway through the test, we passed a primary school and unfortunately someone walked out into the road, it took me completely by surprise. I was really upset that I'd failed my test, until the examiner assumed me that it was fine, it was only a minor.

Fred

A man gets pulled over by a cop for speeding.

The cop asks him, "what is your name?"

The man replies "Fred."

The cop asks "What's your last name."

"I don't have one."

The cop is unsure of how this is, so he asks "Why don't you have a last name?"

The man begi...

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The Little Red Racing Car

A joke I heard back in my Primary school years. I remember finding it hilarious at the time.

*****

There was a family who had a pair of twins, both a mere 4 years old. One was a charming little boy, the other a dainty, coy girl.

One day, the girl and her mother went into the sho...

Half as mad

A teacher from primary school asks Peter a question,

Teacher: "Peter; suppose that a car is moving at a speed of 100 mph suddenly brakes and the driver flies out through the windshield at a certain force and lands on the road. What would be my age?"

Peter thought for a moment and repli...

The Most Famous Man Who Ever Lived

One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50 cents to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!"

The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct."

Then a ...

Johnny's math skills

The village priest pays a visit to the local primary school. After introducing himself and his church, he also wants to see how much the kids have learnt already and asks little Johnny: "So Johnny, if you have 8 appples and you give me 4, how many apples do you have left?" "4, Sir", little Johnny re...

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I'm sexually attracted to one of my students

I knew that becoming a primary school teacher was a bad career choice

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Muslim terrorists commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins

I just go to the local primary school

Long

A primary school class has just returned to school after the summer vacation. The teacher asks them, one by one, to come up to the blackboard and draw something exciting that happened during their holidays. First up was Jimmy. Jimmy draw a series of diagonal lines across the blackboard. What's that ...

Trip to the aquarium joke

The other week I was in the aquarium having a whale of a time (pardon the pun). I saw sea horses, sharks, turtles, the whole shebang. But I couldn't wait to get to my favourite creature. I don't know why but I've always been fascinated by eels. I did a project on them in primary school and since the...

Another Soviet Joke

In a small town outside Moscow a very proud primary school teacher began the Monday the same was she began every monday: by asking the students what they did to help their fellow comrads in the glorious Soviet Union. She turned to Illya Ivanovich.

"Illya Ivanovich, what did you do today to he...

break it up

A teacher at a primary school sees three children fighting "Timmy! Sally! Jerome! Stop that at once and go see the headmaster!" so the children dust themselves down and trudge off to the headmaster's office. "Well children," said the stern headmaster "Its very naughty to fight and I might have to gi...

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A Guy named Billy

A guy Named Billy
Had a 10ft willy
and took it to the neighbour next door
She thought it was a snake
She hit it was a rake
Now its 6 foot 4


(Heard this when I was in primary school no hate :)

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So there's this boy, and he really loves tractors... [xpost from funny.]

He developed an exceptional love for tractors at quite a young age. He had grown up on a farm and his father was a farmer, his father's father was a farmer, and so on. He wanted nothing more than to, one day, buy his own tractor and take over his father's jobs on the farm. The boy maintains his obse...

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