Don't you hate it when a teacher lies and says the homework will be a piece of cake?

It always tastes like paper.

Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework

Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?

**Awkward silence**

Me: It took him a couple bytes

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A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, “Two plus six, that son of a bitch is eight...”

Three plus seven, that son of a bitch is ten."

Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.

Infuriated, the m...

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What is Democracy? A boy is asked at school as homework.

So the little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is democracy?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalist. Your Mom spends the money, so we'll call her the Government. Nanny is working at home for money, she's the w...

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I do sex like I do my homework.

Slam it on the table very hard , do it passionately for 2 minutes , get tired , go watch the TV rest of the night , and cry and regeret about it .

Why did students eat their homework?

The teacher told them it was a piece of cake

I listen to the USSR Anthem while doing my homework

Now its our homework.

Any help?

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A kid and his homework

KID: Dad, What are gays?

DAD: Well, you see your mom and I love each other very much. The same can be applied to two men.

KID: Ohh. So what is penetrating gays

DAD: Read me the entire sentence.

KID: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"

DAD:

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Little Teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in Catholic school.

The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.

 

His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”

 

“Well,” Teddy replies, “today when ...

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she sa...

Today i taught my son a lesson by eating his homework.

Tomorrow he will learn that most people do not believe you, even if you tell the truth.

My dog ate my homework

It was a ruff draft.

Why did young Ewan McGregor refuse to do Algebra homework?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

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Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment

Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks...

Student doesn't turn in homework.

Teacher: Alright class, time to collect homework.
*walks around to collect homework, approaches student's desk. *

Teacher: "Where's your homework?"

Student: "I didn't know we had homework."

Teacher: "How? I posted it online."

Student: "I don't believe everything t...

Don’t drink beer while solving Calculus homework

You shouldn’t drink and derive

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A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

Me: Girlll! Im going to treat you like I treat my homework!

Girl: And how might that be?

Me: I'm going to slam you on the desk and do you all night long

My old girlfriend wanted me to do her college algebra homework for her

But frankly, I didn't want to solve for ex

Help me on my homework? Gives me 404

Hi so I have a homework and it says to solve 20 X 20.2. does someone know the answer? Whenever I type it on my calculator it gives me "404"
Help?!?!!!???

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out of the window?

Aye, where you going essay?

A new teacher trying to get to know his students.

He asked one of them "what do you do after school"
Student 1: I go home, watch TV then go to Frank the weed guy"

Teacher felt awkward and decided to ask another student.
Student 2 "me, I play football then go to Frank the weed guy"

Teacher was really disappointed but didn't want...

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This Homework must be making me gay..

Because i can't think straight while doing it.

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Little Timmy is given the homework: find the first four letters of the alphabet

Timmy didn't have internet access, so he asked his mother for the first letter. She was cooking an burned herself and screamed "oh fuck off." So Timmy wrote that down. Then he went to his father, who was watching darts, to ask for the second letter. He shouted "180!" So Timmy wrote that down. Then h...

One afternoon a teacher gives her class a homework assignment to go home and have their parents tell them a story with a moral.

The next morning the teacher stands in front of the class and asks, “would anyone like to share the story from their homework?”

25 little hands shoot in the air and the teacher calls on a young boy.

“Well,” starts the boy, “my family raises chickens, and one time our chicken laid 9 eg...

Got my homework back and it's full of big green ticks.

Anyone know what bug spray will get rid of them?

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure son"

"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"

"3 whales and two dolphins"

"Thanks dad"

"Anytime"

My mom said that if I don't get off the computer and do my homework she'll slam my head into the keyboard,

but I think she's jokinfreoiwjr67uiwosi94ckcjfkdald87lakdofasdkfj

Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.

Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.

You don't have to do homework

If you don't have a home

A student never turns in his homework because his dog keeps eating it. After moving to online classes, the teacher thought he finally wouldn’t have an excuse.

Because of the global pandemic, the teacher had to move the assignments online. Thinking of this student, she thought that he surely wouldn’t have an excuse anymore and would finally have to turn an assignment in.

But after the assignment was due and the teacher was done grading, she noticed...

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Little Timmy comes home from school to find his parents in the middle of a fight.

Timmy's parents keep him pretty sheltered, and they don't normally fight in front of him, so he stops to see what is going on. The argument is pretty heated and at this point has devolved to plain old shouting insults at one another.

His mother yells at his father "At least I don't have hair...

My ADD always beats me when I’m trying to do my homework.

The dyslexia doesn’t help either.

I called the library and asked if they could tell me when the Mesozoic Era started.

She said, "About 250 million years ago."

I said, "Could you be more specific? It's for homework."

She said, "Hang on a minute."

She came back and said, "It started September 17, two-hundred and fifty-one million years BC."

The class had to write a short, rhyming, two-lines poem as homework.

Lisa stands up and proudly recites :



*Yesterday, my Dad and I we went to town*

*And I got a nice blue bike of my own.*



"That's a lovely poem, Lisa!" says the teacher.

Now it's Timmy's turn. He stands up and recites theatrically :



*When octob...

Burn

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

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Are you my homework?

Because I would totally think about doing you, then get distracted for four hours, then half ass you before falling asleep.

One day the teacher is asking students the sounds animals make

The teacher asks "what sound does chicken make.
Little Suzy says "cluck cluck cluck".
Teacher replies" good job now what sound does a cow make"
Little Johnny says "The sound a cow makes is 'Dont forget your homework for tomorrow'".

What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?

Calculus homework.

My dog ate my coding homework.

Took him a couple bytes.

Why did the school kids eat their homework?

>!Because everyone deserves a last meal.!<

Sam: Hey, you need help with your college homework?

New neighbor: That depends. How bright are you?

Sam: Well, I'm so bright, my mom calls me sun.

My nephew was doing his history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo?

I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family."

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A long time...

A school class was given the homework over the weekend to learn about the word contagious.

Come Monday the teacher calls on little Becky to stand in front of the class and use the word contagious in a sentence.

"My Daddy is a Biomedical Engineer and says that Covid-19 is a contagious d...

Apparently doing your homework while watching stand-up comedy is quite difficult

You'd have to read in between the lines

A young Asian boy comes home with his homework

He puts the paper in front of his father saying “Daddy! Look! I did so well I got a seahorse sticker!
The father replies “C-HORSE? WHY NOT A-HORSE”

Son needs help with homework.

He asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?"

Dad puts his book down. Pauses for a bit.

"You're my son. Of that, I'm confident."

"Yeah," says the son.

"Your best friend, Paul, he's also my son. That is confidential."

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Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class...

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though t...

Barron Trump: "Dad, can you help me with my economics homework?"

Donald: "no, son. It wouldn't be right."

Barron: "I know, but will you try it anyway?"

There was a young man weeping

The man was sitting at a library table

A young lady approached him and asked what was wrong

He replied “It’s complicated”

And showed his calculus homework

First grade teacher: John, how did you manage to stop having spelling errors in your homework this week?

John: My mom is out of town.

When I was a child I asked my dad for help with my science homework. I asked "dad, how do you make a hormone?" And he said...

"Don't pay her."

I was having trouble with my English homework...

There were almost 20 questions on Shakespeare's Hamlet I did not understand, so I asked my friend Jim for some help:

"Jim am I supposed to answer the one after 2 a) or just skip it till we get back to class?"

"Oh I did 2 a), it's really easy."

"No, dude, the one AFTER 2 a)."...

How do dogs do math homework?

By crunching the numbers

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A father buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people who lie, when he gets home for dinner he decides to test it out.

He asks his son what he did this afternoon,

The son says "I went to friends house and did homework." The robot slapped him.

"Ok, I lied. We watched a movie." he sheepishly said.

"What movie?" asked the father.

"Toy Story." The son answered and was again slapped by the r...

What was the chef's excuse for missing homework?

He didn't have enough thyme

I need help with my geometry homework

it said to draw 2 planes intersecting 2 buildings.

Yo mama so fat

1 photo of her takes more space than your "homework folder"

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My daughter showed me her Math homework and told me she didn't get arrays.

I told her I didn't get a raise either because my boss is a cheap bastard.

Homework.

A girl is doing her homework and her little brother walks in. She asks him for help with a question and he refuses. Angrily she says "Just tell me what the division of two cells is and I won't hurt you". He still won't tell her so she stamps on his foot. "Tell me!" she yells "ouch! mitosis!."

A boy asks his mother

Son: Mom, would you ever punish me for something I didn't do?

Mom: If you didn't do it, then no.

Son: Good, because I didn't do my homework last night

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Homework is like a penis....

its long and hard unless you're asian.

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Doing your homework prevents embarrassment.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, indignant, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will...

How do parents get their kids to do their homework and stop playing those damn video games all the time?

"You don't want to have to work at EA when you get older, do you?"

I accidentally ripped up my homework assignment about the history of perforated paper.

It was tearable.

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Little steve had a school homework. He had to go home and ask a family member for an unusual color

He went home after school and went to his mum: “Mom, I need your help for school, can you tell me an unusual color please?”

To which his mother answers: “Let’s see... purple plum”

“Thanks mum I think that is good.”

The next day, steve gets to school and his classmates start sayi...

A math tutor agrees to help a hot student with her homework.

His friends upon hearing this ask him if he made it to 3rd base with her. The math tutor replies "no. I made it to base 10."

Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.

He comes upon a question: "What separates the head from the body?"

Ahmed answers: "The axe"

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Little Matt is doing his math homework ...

Little Matt is doing his math homework, with his dad watching the news, not far away in the living room. “2 plus 3, the son of bitch is 5”. His dad thinks he misheard, so he doesn’t say anything. His son, very applied, goes on with his questions sheet. “4 plus 5, the son of bitch is 9”.

His ...

"I'm gonna treat you like I treat my homework"

"Oh, you're going to slam me on your desk and do me all night?"

"No, I'm going to stare at you and think there's so many better things I could be doing..."

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School

The male teacher in a girls’ school asked the science class: “Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?”

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, “Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain ...

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Interactive joke

There was a man who lived in a 3 story house. **Remember: 3 stories.**

The man entered the house and saw his wife making an omelette. He told her "You're supposed to use butter, not oil." Immediately the wife slapped him and said "Who's cooking? Me or or you?"

The man went up to the se...

Are you my homework?

Because I wanna slam you on my desk and do you all night.

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Sex is like homework

I only do it when my teacher forces me to.

Timmy comes back from school

He tells his dad "Dad, the teacher asked a question and I was the only one with an answer!"

His dad says "great job son! What was the question?"

Timmy replies "who didn't do their homework?"

Pupil: My neighbour, Mr Chang, got run over and killed by a steam roller. Teacher: Johnny! That’s awful and has nothing to do with the homework I set you. Sit down immediately!

Pupil: But Miss, you said we had to talk about crushed Asians.

Little Johnny was a notoriously bad speller

He would always misspell words and just write them the way they sounded to a young child's ear. This was particularly embarrassing to his father, whose boss would always brag how clever his own son, Pete was.


One evening, the boss visited Little Johnny's house for dinner, bringing litt...

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Little Johnny's in South African Geography Class.

The teacher says "Johnny why didn't you do your homework?"

Johnny says "cos there was fokol for breakfast."

The Teacher says "That's not cool don't say fokol in my class. Quiz time:"

"Where is the Namibian border?"

Thabo says "To the North of The Northern Cape."

S...

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A 4-year-old kid was at school and his teacher told him that his homework was to learn the first four letters of the alphabet

At home his mum was on the phone when he asked her what’s the first letter of the alphabet so she said “Shut up.”
His dad was watching a football match when the kid asked him about the second letter of the alphabet so he said “YES YES YES!!!” because his favorite team had just scored.
His brot...

What is the difference between your mum and my homework?

I didn't do my homework last night

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Little Billy forgot to do his science homework on insects...

And his teacher was furious. "Right.", she said. "If you don't bring in a sheet filled with facts about insects by tomorrow, it's detention for you!"

The next day, Little Billy arrives at his classroom early and tells the teacher that he didn't do his homework, but he has an amazing fact ...

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What did the student say to his math teacher after his dog ate part of his homework?

I got 99 problems, but a bitch ate one.

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Death Jokes for a homework assignment?

I'm taking a psychology of death and dying class, and one of the assignments is to dig up some jokes about death, dead people, dying, etc. Whatever you post here will probably make it into my paper. Anything you can think of will help and I'll probably end up laughing my ass off reading through here...

I told my dad that I was having trouble getting all my homework done...

So he told me, "if you wait til the last minute, it'll only take a minute"

For our art homework we had to do a painting and my teacher asked me where mine was.

I said, "My dog ate it."

"But you don't have a dog..." said the girl next to me.

"You're right," I replied, "not any more."

I asked my dad for help with my physics homework exactly once.

I told him I didn't quite understand the concept of "W = fd"

He told me to get a job.

I'll do you like I do my homework...

For two minutes.

A small boy has homework..

A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father: "Hey Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?" His Dad thinks for a while and then says "Right-o son......go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million quid."

...

A teacher asks his student "why didn't you do your homework?"

A teacher asks his student "why didn't you do your homework?"
The student replies "my dads in hospital"

One week later the teacher asks again "why didn't you do your homework?"
The student once again replies "my dads in hospital"
The teacher thinks to himself "wow, this must be reall...

I failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment.

My homework ate my dog.

What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework?

He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear.

My Chemistry homework is asking me to rank the bonds by relative strength.

Could Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig beat Sean Connery in a fight?

Are you my homework?

Because you make me anxious and I won't try to do you until its far, far too late.

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