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Homework Jokes

Don't you hate it when a teacher lies and says the homework will be a piece of cake?

It always tastes like paper.

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A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework

Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?

**Awkward silence**

Me: It took him a couple bytes

So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.

So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.

Teacher: Why on earth do you let your dog eat your homework?

Billy: Well, my dog really love to eat cake.

Teacher: And how does this even related?

Billy: Yesterday you said that the homework is a piece of cake....

My son looked up from his homework and asked me, "Dad, what’s an acorn?" I smiled and explained...

"Well, in a nutshell, it’s an oak tree!"

For cookery class, our homework was to bake something.

I said I'd bake dog biscuits.

No idea how to, but i have a great excuse when i don't hand in my homework.

My ADD always beats me when I’m trying to do my homework.

The dyslexia doesn’t help either.

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard.

But I don’t give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd

For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid.

I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.

My daughter was doing her homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.

I, proudly and confidently, told her that he was just a poor boy from a poor family.

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Little Johnny was doing his maths homework.

He says out loud, "One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Four plus four, that son of a bitch is eight."
His mum overhears this and is shocked! she says to him, "What are you doing Johnny?"
Johnny replies, "I am just doing my maths homework."
" And is this is how your teacher taught yo...

A third grade teacher had her students ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral for their homework one day.

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. But then the teacher realized that only Katie was left.

"Katie, do you have a story to share?"
''Yes ma'am... My daddy told me a story about my mom."
"OK, let's hear it," said the teacher.

"My mom was a...

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What is Democracy? A boy is asked at school as homework.

So the little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is democracy?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalist. Your Mom spends the money, so we'll call her the Government. Nanny is working at home for money, she's the w...

Why did the kid eat his homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
-My 6 year old Nephew

Today I taught my son a valuable life lesson by eating his homework.

Tomorrow he will learn that many people will not believe you, even when you tell the truth.

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A little boy was doing his math homework

...saying to himself, 2+5 the son of bitch is 7,

3+6 the son of bitch is 9

His mother heard this & asked "Why are you swearing?"

Boy, "Mom this is how the teacher taught us all."

Furious, the mother called the teacher: "Are u teaching math to children by saying 2+2, t...

One afternoon a teacher gives her class a homework assignment to go home and have their parents tell them a story with a moral.

The next morning the teacher stands in front of the class and asks, “would anyone like to share the story from their homework?”

25 little hands shoot in the air and the teacher calls on a young boy.

“Well,” starts the boy, “my family raises chickens, and one time our chicken laid 9 eg...

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Little Johnny is doing his homework, and mom hears him say...

*(me retelling sort of how i remember it)*

...so, little Johnny is doing his homework, and from the next room mom hears him say:

"2+2, son of a bitch is 4!!"

She listens closer,

"3+5, i know that son of a bitch!! son of a bitch is 8!!

She asks Johnny: "who taught y...

Hey, Junior! You think your teacher knows that I help you with homework?

I think she does, mom!
She said it was impossible to get so many wrong answers on my own.

Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.

Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.

Professor: The homework is due Monday.

Student: Can I get an extension?

Professor: No worries. The homework is due Monday.png.

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A kid and his homework

KID: Dad, What are gays?

DAD: Well, you see your mom and I love each other very much. The same can be applied to two men.

KID: Ohh. So what is penetrating gays

DAD: Read me the entire sentence.

KID: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"

DAD:

Homework.!!

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

I always put my glasses on when doing Math homework.

It improves division

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Homework is like a penis....

its long and hard unless you're asian.

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A first grader is working on his math homework

While working, he says “1 plus 1, the son of a bitch is 2. 2 plus 2, the son of a bitch is 4”.

His mom hears him an in shock, she cries “what did you just say?” The boy replies “this is what the teacher says during arithmetic: 4 plus 4, the son of a bitch is 8.” His mother freaked “okay, I’m ...

After I broke my elbow, my buddy wrote all my homework assignments on my cast.

It really classed up the joint.

Student doesn't turn in homework.

Teacher: Alright class, time to collect homework.
*walks around to collect homework, approaches student's desk. *

Teacher: "Where's your homework?"

Student: "I didn't know we had homework."

Teacher: "How? I posted it online."

Student: "I don't believe everything t...

Homework.

A girl is doing her homework and her little brother walks in. She asks him for help with a question and he refuses. Angrily she says "Just tell me what the division of two cells is and I won't hurt you". He still won't tell her so she stamps on his foot. "Tell me!" she yells "ouch! mitosis!."

MOM: "No more TV until you finish your math homework!"

KID: "Aww, Mom! When am I ever gonna use math in real life? I'm gonna grow up to be a super rich rock star...I'll pay people to do math \*for\* me."
MOM: "Well, why didn't you say so? That's a wonderful goal! And I know exactly how to help you pursue it."


THE NEXT DAY
MOM:...

Are you my homework?

Because I want to slam you down on my desk. Try to do you for 5 minutes, give up, cry, and have my dad do you for me.

A teacher just graded one of her students’ homework 9/10 and 14/10

The student was so happy and she showed it to her mom as soon as she reached home.

However, the mom feels mildly disturbed as she thought the 14/10 didn’t make any sense. “14 out of 10? The teacher was just randomly writing the grade, so irresponsible”, she thought like this and the next day ...

Math Teacher: Your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you have all the correct answers

Later at Home: I think she’s on to us, mathmachicken

Kindergarten homework assignment

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.
...

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A teacher asked...

A teacher asked Johnny, "What does a chicken give us?"

Johnny replied, "eggs."

"Very good, Johnny. Jessica, what does a sheep give us?"

"Wool."

"Very good, Jessica. Robbie, what does a cow give us?"

"Homework."

Apparently Robbie has his own seat in the princ...

I was listening to my son do his math homework at the kitchen table

And then all of sudden he said 3+6 the son of a b !tch is 9, and then he said 2+5 the son of a b!tch is 7, so I said, what are you saying, son?! He said, but my teacher she showed us how to do Math and that's what she said...so just to make sure I was like, OK go on. He said 2+2 the son of a b!tch i...

Little Johnny's Homework

Teacher: Johnny, where is your homework?

Johnny: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in school.

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Little Teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in Catholic school.

The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.

 

His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”

 

“Well,” Teddy replies, “today when ...

Helping With the Homework

Me: Do you want help with your homework? Son: No you make it worse Me: I do not! Son: ok what's a \*reads\* naysayer Me: Easy. That is a horse

My friend asked me to assist him with his math homework.

I should probably help him before he stops *counting* on me.

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure son"

"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"

"3 whales and two dolphins"

"Thanks dad"

"Anytime"

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Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment

Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks...

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Interactive joke

There was a man who lived in a 3 story house. **Remember: 3 stories.**

The man entered the house and saw his wife making an omelette. He told her "You're supposed to use butter, not oil." Immediately the wife slapped him and said "Who's cooking? Me or or you?"

The man went up to the se...

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Doing your homework prevents embarrassment.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, indignant, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will...

My daughter was doing her homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.

He's the guy who took peaking into windows to a whole new level.

What do you call a student who puts off their math homework?

A calc-u-lator

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My son asked me to help with his homework the other day.

The question he was stuck on was, "Give two ways to prevent pregnancy.”

After telling him what to write | was confident he would be getting top marks.

According to his teacher though, "fucking her up the shitter," and "blowing your load all over her tits," were both wrong answers.

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A third grade teacher assigns her students homework

They are to ask their parents for a story with a moral and share it the next day.
The next day the teacher calls on little Peggy-Sue. Peggy-Sue stands and says “My daddy told me about the chickens that we raise for slaughter. One day we bought 12 eggs and only 9 of them hatched. The moral of the...

The class had to write a short, rhyming, two-lines poem as homework.

Lisa stands up and proudly recites :



*Yesterday, my Dad and I we went to town*

*And I got a nice blue bike of my own.*



"That's a lovely poem, Lisa!" says the teacher.

Now it's Timmy's turn. He stands up and recites theatrically :



*When octob...

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I was working on my quantum physics homework when my mom came barging in...

I switched to porn because it was easier to explain

Son needs help with homework.

He asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?"

Dad puts his book down. Pauses for a bit.

"You're my son. Of that, I'm confident."

"Yeah," says the son.

"Your best friend, Paul, he's also my son. That is confidential."

I listen to the USSR Anthem while doing my homework

Now its our homework.

Any help?

"I'm gonna treat you like I treat my homework"

"Oh, you're going to slam me on your desk and do me all night?"

"No, I'm going to stare at you and think there's so many better things I could be doing..."

You don't have to do homework

If you don't have a home

A man buys a robot that slaps people when they tell a lie.

He decides to test it on his family at dinner that night.

The man asked his son, "Son, what did you do after school today?"

The son replied, "Oh, I just did some homework" and the robot slapped the son.

The son said, "Okay I actually watched a movie with my friends".

The ...

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This Homework must be making me gay..

Because i can't think straight while doing it.

Why couldn't the atheist finish his homework assignment on exponents?

He didn't believe in a higher power.

I got a paper cut from my Statistics homework.

What are the odds?

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Are you my homework?

Because I would totally think about doing you, then get distracted for four hours, then half ass you before falling asleep.

One day teacher asked Sam that did his father help him with his homework.

Sam simply said that “No, he did it all by himself”!

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window?

Where you going essay!?

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A joke I thought of when doing physics homework

What happens when distance gets a boner? It get a direction. Sorry for the bad joke.

What did a Mexican professor assign for homework last night?

A paragraph ese!

A young Asian boy comes home with his homework

He puts the paper in front of his father saying “Daddy! Look! I did so well I got a seahorse sticker!
The father replies “C-HORSE? WHY NOT A-HORSE”

Got my homework back and it's full of big green ticks.

Anyone know what bug spray will get rid of them?

My old girlfriend wanted me to do her college algebra homework for her

But frankly, I didn't want to solve for ex

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Death Jokes for a homework assignment?

I'm taking a psychology of death and dying class, and one of the assignments is to dig up some jokes about death, dead people, dying, etc. Whatever you post here will probably make it into my paper. Anything you can think of will help and I'll probably end up laughing my ass off reading through here...

A small boy has homework..

A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father: "Hey Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?" His Dad thinks for a while and then says "Right-o son......go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million quid."

...

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A father buys a lie detector that slaps people when they lie. He decided to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son replies “I just did some homework.” The robot slaps the son. The son then says “Okay, okay. I was at my friends house watching a movie.”

Dad asks “What movie were you watching?” The son replies “Finding Nemo”. The robot slaps th...

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Sex is like homework

I only do it when my teacher forces me to.

I need help with my geometry homework

it said to draw 2 planes intersecting 2 buildings.

I was so busy with maths homework that I didn't brush my teeth for a week

The calculus had built up, and it was starting to get quite hard.

I don't trust a teacher who reviews every single piece of homework they give out

I think they're mass-grading as someone else.

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Little Matt is doing his math homework ...

Little Matt is doing his math homework, with his dad watching the news, not far away in the living room. “2 plus 3, the son of bitch is 5”. His dad thinks he misheard, so he doesn’t say anything. His son, very applied, goes on with his questions sheet. “4 plus 5, the son of bitch is 9”.

His ...

Why did the school kids eat their homework?

>!Because everyone deserves a last meal.!<

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Husband: You're like homework

Wife: Why? Are you gonna throw me on the table and do me all day?

Husband: No, leave you alone and masturbate.

Are you my homework?

Because you make me anxious and I won't try to do you until its far, far too late.

Sam: Hey, you need help with your college homework?

New neighbor: That depends. How bright are you?

Sam: Well, I'm so bright, my mom calls me sun.

Barron Trump: "Dad, can you help me with my economics homework?"

Donald: "no, son. It wouldn't be right."

Barron: "I know, but will you try it anyway?"

Why did the student need to get a guardian to help them with their trigonometry homework?

They needed someone to cosine.

Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.

He comes upon a question: "What separates the head from the body?"

Ahmed answers: "The axe"

What was the chef's excuse for missing homework?

He didn't have enough thyme

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."

The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "I...

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Some homework help

Johnny asks his father for help on his history homework. He asks, "How do capitalism and government work?" And the father replies that his mother is the government, since she controls the most in the household. The father is capitalism, since he is the breadwinner of the family. The maid is the work...

A young Sauron turns in his homework...

His teacher looks at it and her face scrunches up in confusion as she rotates the paper to read the text.

"Sauron," she says, "why is all the text on these pages going in circles?"

"Oh," says Sauron, "I didn't have any lined paper so I had to make my own."

"But why does it go in...

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Little Billy forgot to do his science homework on insects...

And his teacher was furious. "Right.", she said. "If you don't bring in a sheet filled with facts about insects by tomorrow, it's detention for you!"

The next day, Little Billy arrives at his classroom early and tells the teacher that he didn't do his homework, but he has an amazing fact ...

I'll do you like my math homework

Slam you on the table, try to do you, but give up and pay someone to finish you

Apparently doing your homework while watching stand-up comedy is quite difficult

You'd have to read in between the lines

I'll do you like I do my homework...

For two minutes.

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