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Classroom Jokes

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The teacher walked into the classroom

and gave her fifth grade class a challenge to spell any 12 letter word. One kid raised his hand and the teacher called on him. "M-A-S-T-U-R-B-A-T-I-O-N," he spelt. The whole class laughed and the teacher was quite taken aback, but nevertheless congratulated him as it was a 12 letter word and he did ...

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Sex and Golf

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to first-year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know...

Jimmy farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.

He sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, “Jimmy, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"

“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” The principle asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”

“Because those i...

An enthusiastic biology teacher saw an unenthusiastic classroom

So he wanted to do something

He went and stood on his head on top of a table and asked "can you see my face is getting all red?"

The children said yes

He gets off and says "When I stand on my head, all the blood moves into my head region and my face gets red. B...

Pepito was the dumbest kid in his classroom…

Pepito wasn’t a very bright kid. He often failed his tests and annoyed his teachers. One day, his teacher, Ms.Emily, told him he had one last chance to do well. Pepito took a test, but inevitable failed. Ms.Emily expelled him from school and told him he was the dumbest kid she had ever met. She made...

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

Classroom

In a grade school classroom the teacher asked each of her students to come up to the chalk board and draw a picture of something that they talked about with their parents the night before.

The first little girl came up to the board and drew a cat. The teacher asked "what is that?" The little...

Trump is visiting a school and walks into a classroom.

The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”.

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, “if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him...

3 kids are late getting back into the classroom from recess.

Little Johnny comes in and the teacher says “why are you late?” He says “I was playing in the sandbox with Mikey and Charlie.”

The teacher says “well, I’ll let you out of detention if you can spell ‘sand.” Johnny spells it out loud “S-A-N-D.”

Mikey comes in next and the teacher says ...

Kids get back into the classroom after playing at recess

and the teacher says, “who can tell me what they did at recess?” Sally raises her hand and says, “I played in the sandbox.” “That sounds like fun, Sally! If you can correctly spell sand, I will give you a cookie, replied the teacher.

“Sand, S.A.N.D. Sand” said Sally with a smile.

“Cor...

Funny Classroom Jokes

Teacher to student: “Make a sentence using the word “I”
Student: “I is..”
Teacher: “No that is not correct, you should say I am”
Student: “Ok. I am the ninth letter in the Alphabet”!

Two boys are arguing when the teacher enters the classroom. The teacher says, “What are you two arguing about?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten-dollar bill and decided whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep it.”
“You two should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher. “When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys looked at each other and handed the ten dollars to the teacher.

What’s the difference between a pumpkin and a classroom filled with baby antelopes?

Quite a few things

A teacher does a classroom experiment

The teacher has three jars, one filled with alcohol, one filled with cigarette smoke, and one filled with soil.
The teacher puts a few worms in each jar and says to the students “we’ll see which jar is thriving tomorrow.”
The next day the worms in the jars with the alcohol and cigarette smoke ...

I knew I was going to fail my maths test when I entered the classroom

So I did a 360 and left.

What's the difference between r/jokes and a classroom?

Copying isn't allowed in a classroom.

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A new teacher is assigned to teach geography class in school.

When she enters the classroom, she's horrified by what she sees. The kids are fighting, cursing, throwing chairs, drinking, and smoking.

"Hello class" she says.

"Fuck off, bitch!" the kids shout back.

Crying, the new teacher runs to the principal's office.

The principal...

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Seven year old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.

"What's your name," asked the teacher. "Mohammad," he replied. "You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Mike.” Mohammad returned home after school. "How was your day, Mohammad," his mother asked? "My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mi...

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A President walks into a classroom.

In the classroom, they are discussing some words and what they mean.

The teacher asks the president to help them discuss the word "tragedy".

The president then chimes into their discussion, saying, "Alright class. Does anyone know what a tragedy is?"

A girl raises her hand and a...

At classroom

Teacher: Name something that starts with E you are good at it.
Student: Spelling

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A classroom of kids were learning all about common English proverbs. (LONG)

The teacher asked if anyone had a proverb they could talk about - the kids all put their hands up, including Little Johhny at the back. But the teacher chose Susie: "What's your story, Susie?"

"Well, Miss, my dad jumped into a creek and broke his leg on a big branch just under the water!"...

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I petition that we rename classrooms to classwombs

Then maybe republicans will give a fuck about kids dying in them

“It was terrible,” moaned John upon entering the classroom a half hour late.

“I left with plenty of time to arrive at school on time, but it was so slippery that every step I took, I slipped two steps back.”

“Well,” said the teacher, with a suspicious look on his face, “how in the world did you get here at all?”

“Well,” replied the student, “finally after twent...

Why did the eyeglasses walk into the classroom quietly?

They didn’t want to make a spectacle

What happened to the plant on the windowsill of the math classroom?

It grew square roots!

When I was in school every classroom had a chalkboard. Now every classroom has a whiteboard.

They are remarkable.

I had trouble finding my new classroom

Room 404, classroom not found

I complained to my maths teacher that it was too cold in the classroom

He told me to stand in the corner.

Because the coner is 90 degrees

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A scientist goes into a kindergarten classroom...

A scientist goes into a kindergarten classroom to conduct an experiment. The experiment involves the kids eating gummy bears and judging by the color and taste, the kids will shout out the flavor.

The scientist gives them a red gummy bear and the kids can instantly tell that it’s strawberry....

There were these college seniors chillin in the classroom. One of the boys was makin the other two annoyed.

At one point, the annoying boy says, “whatever, I could take you both at the same time.” The other boys get up and ball up their fists.

The annoying boy looked confused, then it hit him and he said,”ooh, y’all thought I was talkin about fightin huh?”

I am the smartest person in my classroom,

Because i always work in my room during quarantine.

What is a sea lion's favorite classroom subject?

ART! ART! ART!

In a classroom the teacher wants the children to answer questions before they go to the bathroom...

A child goes up to the teacher and says: I really need to go to the toilet!

The teacher replies: Is it really urgent?

And the child says: Yes! Yes! Yes!

So the teacher says: Okay then. I will give you something easy then.

She continues: What is the alphabet?

And th...

Teacher asked the students to tell the most common word used by students in a classroom.

Suddenly a student got up and said “Can’t Sir”!
Brilliant! You are right, the teacher said!

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Each year I eagerly anticipate this day so I can share my favorite Dad Joke of all time:

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This wo...

What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?

My Chemical Romance

Putin

It was in the news recently that Putin was visiting a school in Moscow to promote the nations power on the world wide stage.
The children were allowed to ask questions before lunch.

Little Alina speaks up and says to Putin...

“I have two questions”

“Why did Russia take Crim...

Little Peter was on his classroom

his the teacher asks, if I have five birds on a branch and I throw a stone to one of them, how many I have left ...
None teacher ... ..

Why not Peter? ....

no teacher because the others fly away from the fright ....

That's wrong Peter but I like your way of thinking .........

Today I met the man who made the globe in my son's classroom!

It's a small world.

The classroom was silent

The classroom was silent. Mrs Smith was handing out to students their last homework sheet. As she did it, she wrote the word plenipotentiary on the whiteboard. Then she turned around and said, " Attention boys and girls. This word is almost hardest English word in the world. So, your job is to put t...

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A nun is in charge of painting the walls of a newly built classroom for Sunday School....

Not wanting to get paint on her habit, she decides that it would be best to strip completely naked. She closes the curtains, disrobes, and begins painting the room. Suddenly she hears a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" She asks.

"Blind man." Is the answer.

Thinking there is no ...

In a classroom...

The girl students were really upset and shouted together in class in unison for justice. The agahst teacher asked for a reason. They asked him to look at the blackboard in which was written in bold "**50% of girls don't have brains**", which the girls asserted was the job done by boys on purpose....

Little Johnny in the classroom..

One day, a teacher asked her students, "if you think you are stupid, please stand up." No one thought they were stupid, so they remained sitting. She asked again, "if you think you are stupid, please stand up." Little Johnny stood up, and everyone around him started laughing. The teacher asked "now ...

This is a joke we tell in Armenian, I think it comes out well in English too.

Little Johnny is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really n...

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3rd Grade Classroom in a Chicken Farming Community

Miss Coral is a 3rd grade teacher in a rural community where almost all of the residents are chicken farmers. She decides to do a lesson with her students on stories with morals, and gives her students the homework of finding a story from their families that have morals.
The next day she asks ...

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They say in a classroom of 30, one out of the 30 is going to be gay...

I really hope it's Johnny because damn is he cute

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." ...

A Bitter Army Veteran storms into a classroom and shouts "If it weren't for me you'd all be speaking German!"

"That's right" replies the German teacher.

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A joke my dad sent me today but I translated it to English

Jack was bored out of his mind in the classroom on a friday afternoon, as were many of his friends. The teacher noticed this and came up with a small challenge to get their attention back to her.

"Alright, class. I tell you a famous saying and the first one to tell me who said it doesn't hav...

There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn't stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.

One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. "George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!"
...

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten sheets over each bird and only the legs showing...

... He sat right in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, and identifying characteristic.

The student looked at each set of bird legs. They...

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A kid is a painting prodigy.

He draws a 100 dollar bill on the floor of the classroom; his teacher breaks her nails trying to pick it up, and calls his father.

In the parent teacher meeting she complains from the kid and explains what happened, the father replies:
"You got lucky! at home he drew a vagina on the power ...

Little Johnny is in the classroom, learning how to add

"How much is two plus two, Johnny?" asks the teacher.

Johnny hesitates, looks at his hand, and starts counting with his fingers: "One, two, three,
four!" he exclaims.

"No, no. Johnny," says the teacher. "You can't use your hands. You have to count in your head. So, how much is four ...

Little Johnny and classmates are asked to bring an edible item to the classroom...

"So, Mary, what did you bring today?", the teacher asks.

"An apple. We love apples at home."

"Great, what about you, Annie?"

"I brought a PB & Jelly sandwich. It's so yummy!"

"Everybody loves those... and you, what did you bring today?"

Little Johnny opens his ...

A teacher is giving a lesson when suddenly she hears someone scream outside the classroom.

She rushes out the door to find one of her students on the ground crying.

Teacher: Oh my God, what happened?!

Student: Someone just pulled a gun on me and tried to rob me!

Teacher: Oh my God, are you okay?

Student: Yes. All they took was my homework.

So there's this classroom full of students in china...

...and this kid named meng was making fun of the teacher. The teacher walks up to him and yells; now listen you... All of a sudden the kid next to him says, but meng did it not me.

This isn't working, let's change the subject. Depending on whether you're in a classroom or a testing lab, that statement means something completely different!

Hehe.

My classroom teacher made me stand up in front of the class for being a nuisance during the lesson.

She held her pointer stick towards me and said,

"At the end of this stick, there is an idiot!"

I got detention after asking which end.

When I shot up the classroom, killed my teacher and everybody else in the building it really affected my family.

I'm home schooled.

One Day At School,

The teacher asked the kids to stand and tell the class what their Father does for a living, spell the occupation and let everyone know what your Dad would do if he was here in the classroom.
First, came Sue. She stands up and says, "My Father is a Baker. B-A-K-E-R. And if he were here today, he w...

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A Jewish kid gets kicked out of every school...

A Jewish kid gets kicked out of every school he attends.

His parents try putting him in Jewish schools. Expelled.

His parents try putting him in public school. Expelled.

His parents try putting him in Montessori schools. Expelled.

His parents try putting him in Military s...

"If there are two idiots in the room, please stand up . . ."

The sarcastic teacher said this before surveying the room with a smarmy smile.

After a long silence, a lone student stands up in the middle of the classroom.

"I honestly didn't expect anyone to stand up. Mister, why do you consider yourself and an idiot?" The teacher asks this with a ...

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Penis jokes! A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz...

A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, ...

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Little Johnny was walking down the street with his dad...

and he says "Hey, Dad! I'll bet you $5 there's some dogs humping just around this corner!"
Dad considers how likely it would be, and says "You're on, kid!"
Once they get to the corner, they see the dogs going at it and Dad pays up.
So Dad calls Johnnys teacher. "Hey, my kid ha...

When I was in School this emo girl was caught jacking off her boyfriend. Whether it be in the lunchroom, the classroom, the bathroom, etc. She always was jacking him off.

Last I heard the girl got expelled and the guy got off.

The inflatable headteacher at the inflatable school caught the inflatable student bringing a pin into the classroom.

He said, "Not only have you let yourself down, you've let me down, you've let your teachers down, and you've let the whole school down..."

Blueberry Hill

One day a boy walked in the classroom. The teacher asked him why he was late; he said he was on top of Blueberry Hill. The next boy walked in and the teacher asked him why he was late; he said he was on top of Blueberry Hill. The last boy walked in and the teacher asked him why he was late. He said ...

This is guaranteed laughs in the Chinese classroom. It was originally a bit in a Pink Panther movie

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies,...

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.

Just before the school year started, he injured his
back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper
part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and
wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to
the toughest students i...

why did the computer go to the cafe?, and who is the king of the classroom?

to get a byte, and
the ruler!!!

my one sub teacher tells absolutely terrible jokes everytime we have her!

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So, after beating the crap out of the nerdy kid in my class who always gets things right,

I returned to the front of the classroom and resumed teaching.

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Little Johnny and the helpful dog

Little Johnny and his classmates are at school, in class, when they see, through the classroom windows, two dogs humping on the other side of the street. Little Mary has never seen such a scene, and out of curiosity, asks the teacher: "Miss Crabtree, what are those dogs doing? Are they fighting?!"...

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Little Johnny.

A teacher walks into her classroom to greet her first grade students.

"Good morning, class." the teacher said, smiling and observing her students.Before going to the chalkboard to begin the day, she notices little Johnny in the back of the classroom, wriggling around and desperately trying to...

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Two college students have their most important final exam next week...

But they've chosen to spend the week partying instead. So, in their drunken stupour, after realising how badly they messed up, they beg their professor to give them an extra day for the exam. Even though sceptical, they told him that they had a flat tire on the way to university and couldn't reach c...

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At school

At school, 5th grade classroom.
The new teacher is asking some questions to the kids just to know them a little better.

T: so, Lucy, tell me about your family.
Lucy: I'm the only child. Dad work in a factory and mom is a housemaid.

T: a typical family... Nice. And what about your...

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick. Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can’t find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to wher...

A young Jewish boy goes to a new school in a small American mid-west town

The teacher asks the class, “Who was the greatest man that ever lived?”
A girl raises her hand and says, “I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the father of our country.”
The teacher replies, “Well, that’s a very good answer, but that’s not quite the ans...

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"?

In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."

Student: I is the ...

Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

The teacher was telling us a story about the time when she went camping in the forest with her family and they saw a huge snake, and she asks: do you know why the snake didn't bite? Because....

From the back of the classroom, a student shouts: Because snakes don't bite each other.

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Extreme Sexual Exhaustion

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the ...

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes:

"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher called on Little...

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A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" he replied. "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for two days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realising she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the v...

Blonde

How do you identify a Blonde in a classroom ?
It is simple.. check who's erasing her notes when the teacher is cleaning the board !!!!

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There was a school where every morning...

... when the teachers entered the classrooms, at 8:00 sharp, they would say "Good morning! " and all the kids, in one voice answered "GOOD MORNING!".

Next to the school was a retirement home and the school's morning routine started to annoy the residents. Few old people got together, went to ...

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Based on a real incident [Long}

"Who wants to be an engineer?" asked the teacher in a classroom.

Some students raise their hands except one boy.

"Who wants to be a doctor?" asked the teacher again.

Again some students raise their hands except for that one boy.

"Who wants to be a teacher?" asked the teac...

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A kid shows up to class with $2,467...

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Suzie led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the custo...

What do a gun and a pack of gum have in common?

When you pull them out in a classroom, everybody wants to be your friend.

A fourth grade biology teacher is asking a series of questions to her students

Eventually she asks "What part of the body can grow ten times its normal size when stimulated?"

As soon as she asks that, a girl at the back of the class stands up and yells "EWW, THAT'S SO GROSS. HOW DARE YOU ASK THIS TO SMALL CHILDREN? I'M GOING TO TELL MY MOTHER ALL ABOUT THIS", then storm...

A beautiful female student was in danger of flunking her middle-aged male professor's course

It was near the end of the semester and she came to class in a short skirt and low-cut top. After the other students left the classroom she approached the prof.

"You know, I'd do *anything* to pass this class," she said flirtatiously.

The professor lowered his voice and looked down his...

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