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Breeding Jokes

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Three guys participate in an annual contest of monkey breeding..

The rules are simple, each participant have an intercourse with a monkey, who can make the monkey give birth to most baby monkeys, wins.

Number three is the last 3 years champion and a natural favorite. Everybody bets their money on him.

First guy gets in an spends 4 hours with the mon...

When I was younger I tried breeding rabbits...

it was a hare-raising experience.

Why did the alligator stop breeding turtles?

Because of a reptile dysfunction.

How do you stop a vampire from breeding?

Don't give it permission to come inside.

I've been breeding racing deer

Just trying to make a quick buck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i tried my hand at breeding chickens

Turns out they only like cocks

I inherited my uncle's deer breeding business worth 50 million bucks

That's a lot of doe

I failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment.

My homework ate my dog.

I have a bull that wouldn't breed with the other cows.

So I called the veterinarian and he gave me some pills for the bull. About 2 hours after giving the pills to the bull, he started breeding with all the cows, he even broke the fence and bred with the neighbors cows. I don't know what was in those pills, but they kind of taste like peppermint.

I've been breeding non-aggressive Siamese fighting fish.

I call them beta bettas.

I went to the Pet store to buy some exotic breeding birds

The Assistant said "have you got a Store card?"

I said no but I think I've just excited a Pelican

My hairdresser friend has started breeding dogs.

He calls them shampoodles.

I want to start a deer breeding business

but first I'm gonna need about 5000 bucks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The white cow is ready for breeding

The white cow is ready for breeding and little Jimmy's dad explains that the white cow needs a visit from the bull and that the brown cow is too young so they will need to keep it separated until it gets older.

Two hours later Jimmy runs to his dad and says "the bull just fucked the brown c...

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A farmer bought some breeding pigs

but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.

The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pi...

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Farmer is arm deep milking his stud getting him ready for breeding,

nevermind I know you see this punchline cumming from a mile away.

What do you call a female breeding chicken?

A mother clucker.

I had to close my ghost breeding business

After being convicted of 18 counts of murder

Making millions of dollars is like breeding rabbits.

It's much easier when you start with two.

Based on a True Story: A breeding pair of crocodiles ate two European tourists in Australia

This actually happened back when I was a kid in the 90's: A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and consumed by a pair of crocodiles in Australia. The female ate the Frenchman.

The Czech was in the male.

What do you call it when two christians have a baby together?

Cross breeding

What do you get by cross-breeding a jehovahs witness and an atheist?

Someone who pointlessly knocks on the door.

My wife and I went to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs. She smiled as she said, "He mated 50 times last year."

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer goes to the local farmer's market to try and sell his bull. A stranger comes up to him to inquire about the animal.

Stranger: Is your bull good at breeding?

Farmer: Of course he's good. Shit, he's even too good! He tries to mount every single cow, horses, donkeys, sheeps, etc. There's not an animal on that farm he hasn't tried to fuck yet.

Stranger: Then why are you selling him?

Farmer: Becau...

Everyone says that as a nice guy/gentleman, I'm a dying breed and that I should be on the endanger species list.

I wonder if there is a breeding program for my kind.

Note: First time posting on r/Jokes

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