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Breeding Jokes

Why did the alligator stop breeding turtles?

Because of a reptile dysfunction.

How do you stop a vampire from breeding?

Don't give it permission to come inside.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i tried my hand at breeding chickens

Turns out they only like cocks
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I inherited my uncle's deer breeding business worth 50 million bucks

That's a lot of doe

I have a bull that wouldn't breed with the other cows.

So I called the veterinarian and he gave me some pills for the bull. About 2 hours after giving the pills to the bull, he started breeding with all the cows, he even broke the fence and bred with the neighbors cows. I don't know what was in those pills, but they kind of taste like peppermint.

I failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment.

My homework ate my dog.

I went to the Pet store to buy some exotic breeding birds

The Assistant said "have you got a Store card?"

I said no but I think I've just excited a Pelican

I've been breeding racing deer

Just trying to make a quick buck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys participate in an annual contest of monkey breeding..

The rules are simple, each participant have an intercourse with a monkey, who can make the monkey give birth to most baby monkeys, wins.

Number three is the last 3 years champion and a natural favorite. Everybody bets their money on him.

First guy gets in an spends 4 hours with the mon...

I've been breeding non-aggressive Siamese fighting fish.

I call them beta bettas.

My hairdresser friend has started breeding dogs.

He calls them shampoodles.

I want to start a deer breeding business

but first I'm gonna need about 5000 bucks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The white cow is ready for breeding

The white cow is ready for breeding and little Jimmy's dad explains that the white cow needs a visit from the bull and that the brown cow is too young so they will need to keep it separated until it gets older.

Two hours later Jimmy runs to his dad and says "the bull just fucked the brown c...

When I was younger I tried breeding rabbits...

it was a hare-raising experience.

Based on a True Story: A breeding pair of crocodiles ate two European tourists in Australia

This actually happened back when I was a kid in the 90's: A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and consumed by a pair of crocodiles in Australia. The female ate the Frenchman.

The Czech was in the male.

Bought a pet rock. It looked lonely so I bought another. I dunno how, but they started breeding. Months later there was gravel and stones everywhere. I couldn't take it anymore and had enough.

Threw it all in a canvas sack, weighed it down with a couple of puppies, and tossed it in the river.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer bought some breeding pigs

but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.

The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pi...

I had to close my ghost breeding business

After being convicted of 18 counts of murder

I had to stop breeding rabbits...

I found it to be a hare raising experience.

My wife and I went to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs. She smiled as she said, "He mated 50 times last year."

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated ...

Everyone says that as a nice guy/gentleman, I'm a dying breed and that I should be on the endanger species list.

I wonder if there is a breeding program for my kind.

Note: First time posting on r/Jokes

Making millions of dollars is like breeding rabbits.

It's much easier when you start with two.

What do you get by cross-breeding a jehovahs witness and an atheist?

Someone who pointlessly knocks on the door.

A man decides to put his life savings into opening an aquarium...

A young man took every penny he had and used it to open an aquarium. He worked tirelessly, growing it from a small roadside attraction into the greatest aquarium ever. Over a lifetime, he amassed the largest collection of sea life ever assembled. He and his team conducted scientific research and ran...

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