What do you call all the high school kids who haven’t been able to go to school because of Covid-19?

Quaranteens.

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A high school is having a talent show.

The first act is a girl trying to tie a knot with a cherry stem in her mouth. She tries and tries, but she just cant do it.

A guy from the audience yells out, "Hey, maybe you should practice with my dick!" Most of the audience laughs.

The girl requests a microphone and a nearby teacher...

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My wife asked me whether I experimented with sex and drugs when I was in high school.

I said, “Yes, but I was part of the control group.”

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An extremely wealthy man invited his high school friends to his big estate for a reunion.

Aside from being extremely wealthy, he is also extremely arrogant and prideful. As he welcomed his friends to his house, he gave them a tour of his estate, showing his cars, helicopters, private jets, and even his own yacht, all the while bragging about all his assets and wealth. Finally, at the end...

I finally started dating my high school crush

Too bad I lost my teaching license over it

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When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class.

Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd

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The sex education teacher at my local high school got fired.

He was teaching the students about ejaculation and it went right over their heads.

(DISCLAIMER: VERY VERY BAD JOKE) Two mates come for a meet together after high school...

One has a new Mercedes S550L, the other has a beaten up VW Golf. The Golf guy tells his friend that he has something to show off to him.

They drive to a nearby car park.

The Golf driver opens his glovebox and whips out a lamp. He scratches it, a genie pops up.

He tells the gen...

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My neighbor has a son who is a genius. The kid graduated high school at age 13, graduated college magna cum laude at age 15, and graduated from one of the top law schools at age 17. He was admitted to the bar one month later. So, I asked my neighbor what his son's secret was.

He said that his son showed the bouncer his older brother's drivers license.

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I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Since y'all liked the monk joke, I modified a joke told by my high school math teacher.

Once there was a king and he attended that monk's temple. One day the monk was late. The king asked him why he was late. And he replied that he had to help his wife with an errand.

"You are so revered monk and yet, you fear your wife!", the king exclaimed.
" Well, everyone fears his wife",...

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Back in high school I made friends with this girl that had lost her legs. I never understood why people didn't talk to her. Since I was a close friend, she had invited me to a party with other girls without legs.

That place was crawling with pussy.

A high school senior was preparing for his prom...

He knew that the first thing he needed was a tuxedo. So he went to get a rental.

But his town was very small, and there was only one tux rental place nearby. Therefore, when he arrived he had to wait for three of his classmates to pick out their rentals before he could get his. He waited in ...

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Three women who were friends in high school have returned to their hometown to attend their 45th reunion and have lunch together. Their talk turns to their position in life, and there's a lot of one-upmanship going on.

The first woman says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanour.

The second woman says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes." and looks about with considerable pride.

The third woman says, "Well, to...

Here is a demotivating true story from my high school days.

I was obese in high school and there was this really hot girl, I had a huge crush on. During the two years of high school I asked her out around 4 times and every time she gave various reasons why we wouldn't work.

Then on the last day of high school, I...

My local high school was renamed from Stonewall Jackson High School to Unity Reed High School.

_What school do you attend?_

U.R. High

How do they determine the homecoming queen and valedictorian in Alabama high schools?

The homecoming queen is the girl with the most teeth, and the valedictorian is the person who could count them all.

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When I was in high school I had to have sex with my teacher so I wouldnt fail algebra...

... homeschool was weird.

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Donating blood in high school for a slice of pizza

was the most crackhead shit ever

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So I started dating my high school girlfriend again.

It just felt right now that I've come out as gay, and she has transitioned into a guy.

Finally, at 60, I married my high school sweetheart!

She graduates this year!

High school guys be dating middle schoolers but are late to class

Like bro, your worrying about the wrong first period.

Why does high school remind me of Fortnite?

Because you hop off a bus and shoot everyone you see

Students at a high school in Georgia were suspended for posting photographs of their crowded hallways.

The administration was worried about the wrong thing going viral.

10 years ago today, I asked my high school sweetheart out on our first date. Today, I asked her to marry me.

Both times she said no :(

James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead.

"Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.

"Not so good," says Harry.

"Why, what happened?" James queries.

"Well," Harry says, "I just went bankrupt and I've still got to feed my family. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Could hav...

My summer job in high school involves getting up at 1 in the morning with a glass of water and a paintbrush.

It isn’t very high paying, but I make dew.

To all those who said I would never graduate high school...

You were right. #classof2020

I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only memorizing even numbers.

What are the odds?

During a high school visit to France, I stayed with a French family.

One night, I was unsure what the meat on my dinner plate was, so I pointed to it and asked in my best 11th-grade French: “Qui est-ce?” The family’s expressions told me I needed some tutoring. Instead of asking “What is it?” as I had intended, I’d asked “Who is it?”

I went to high school with Sybil, the multiple personality disorder woman

She was good people.

My high school teacher didn't like cursing.

I used to have a friend named Floyd, but he's Loyd now. He once cursed at my teacher's class, so the teacher beat the F out of him.

The jokes section on Reddit reminds me of the brilliant work of a perfect A+ student I went to High School with

But only in the sense that literally everything he ever wrote was plagiarized

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A high school bully sees an old victim at their reunion,

Bully: Hey virgin!

Victim: Im not a virgin, just ask your sister.

Bully: I dont have a sister, dumbass.

Victim: Just wait nine months.

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High School Virgin

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

A high school girl decides she wants extra cash to buy clothes

She walks all over town trying to find a job for someone her age. She meets three men.

The first man is short, stocky, and has a red beard. He offers her a job gutting fish. She wrinkles her pretty nose and says no thank you, I don’t like the smell.

The second man has a purple jumpsui...

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The rebellious high school senior

So there’s this senior in high school. He’s pretty rebellious, and always hates it when you tell him to do something.

So the teacher tells him to do his assignment. He answers, “You’re not my mom,” and refuses to do it.

So he gets sent to the dean’s office, and the dean tells him to ex...

University is similar to high school

To a degree.

My son asked me if I ever fell in love with a high school teacher

“Well I did.” I said.

“Oh? And what happened?”

“Your mother moved you to another school.”

In high school my math teacher was secretly a pirate.

All she ever wanted to do was find X.

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.

Just before the school year started, he injured his
back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper
part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and
wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to
the toughest students i...

Son: Dad, I’d like to drop out of high school.

Dad: That’s alright son, just remember.
Son: Remember what?
Dad: I don’t like pickles on my Big Mac.
————————————
My topping game sucks, guess I gotta go to McDonald’s more often

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

Years ago, I viciously beat up my high school bully with a baseball bat. Both of his arms were broken.

Come to think of it, that's probably why I felt brave enough to beat him up.

I went to High School with Edward Snowden

He was voted, "Most likely to secede"

We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes.

We never made it to a gig.

I just saw my high school teacher the other day and she didn't remember who I was......

I was home schooled :(

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I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

I knew a guy in high school, he always told bad jokes so we called him the joke

anyway, one time at prom he was dancing near the table with bowls of different punches, all of the sudden he fell straight on his spine and scared everyone.

long story short the joke fell flat and he missed the punch line.

Why did Drake go back to High School?

To pick up his girlfriend

A kid in high school really likes this girl and finally gets the courage to ask her to prom.

To his surprise and delight, she says yes. He wants to make this night very special so he decides to get a tuxedo, a limo, and really nice flowers. First, he goes to the tux rental store and sees there is a line, but he waits and finally gets the perfect fit. Next he goes to the car rental store and...

What do you call a Korean high school girl who fights crime in spare time?

Kimchi Possible, obviously

In high school some kids told me they’d give me $20 to hang out with them.

Turns out it was just clique bait.

why can’t you chug beer and do high school math at the same time?

it’s illegal to drink and derive >:(

The valedictorian from my high school was convicted yesterday as an accessory to murder.

Everyone always said he would accomplice something.

Back in high school..

...I was a huge metal fan. In math class, I had an 8/10 girl next to me, she turns me on so much. I always try really hard to impress her, she's so hot. The teacher starts passing back last weeks test, and 8/10 looks at me, smiles, and starts playing with her hair. I can't handle it, I start spinnin...

Why didn't the mermaid finish high school?

Because her grades were always under the C

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A high school has a $10 swear fine.

One day during gym class, Peter gets caught saying “shit”.


He gives the teacher a twenty and says:


“Keep the fucking change.”

If you are still into girls who are in high school a good way to get over them

Is to talk to them

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I got in trouble at high school for masturbating in the showers...

Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.

My 10 year high school reunion was this weekend...

I ran into these twin brothers I hadn’t seen since graduation, and I thought to myself..

“Well, you two still look the same.”

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I met my girlfriend in high school,

We were immediately best friends and spent days together having the most fun I had ever had. Then one day I asked her the question.

She said yes!

We were so happy together and we stayed together through high school. We both finished college together, we both got jobs together and event...

Ever wonder what the love life of a high school physics teacher is like?

Assume there is no friction.

A high school student struggles to pass his tests but decides, one day, to pull himself together.

After weeks of hard work and dedication, his grades start picking up.

A month passes and the semester is finally over.

He approaches his father and shows him his grades.

The father looks dramatically into his son's eyes and says:



"long time no C".

In high school math class ...

I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the "designated deriver".

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I was voted “Least likely to Suceed” by my high school class.

I hate being a teacher.

Back when I was in high school, I worked at a grocery store as a stockboy.

One of the "long time fixtures" there was a homeless guy who would sit outside and ask for change. He was there every day, from opening of the store until closing, without fail.

Several months after I started, the owner decided to go in a new direction with the store and wanted to increase wo...

I just met my high school English teacher the other day and she didn't remember who I was and it made me sad because..

.. I was her favorite student and was homeschooled.

In high school I knew we had an alcoholic Mexican English teacher

When she had us read Tequila Mockingbird

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Back in high school, I had a friend named Ving

He and his twin sister, Ling, had recently moved here from China and so they had very traditional names. One day, Ving mentioned to me how much he hated his name.
“What kind of name is Ving? It’s so stupid,” he said, frustrated.
“You know, you can get your name changed at city hall.”
“Re...

What’s the most popular form of photography in American high schools?

Point and shoot.

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[NSFW] My favorite NSFW joke from my high school.

Three brothers owned a prized horse. One day when the brothers were checking in, they found the horse was dead. So they prayed the whole morning asking god to bring back the horse. Suddenly, a fairy appeared.

Fairy: I can bring back the horse but on one condition, at least one of you have to ...

What is the difference between a porcupine and high school?

On the porcupine the pricks are on the outside!

This was my sisters favorite joke to tell in high school. May she Rest In Peace: What’s the difference between a cactus and a teachers lounge?

The teachers lounge has all the pricks on the inside.

Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school keep flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

I never took geometry in high school

I heard it was for squares.

If they repeat high school

aren't they a refresh man.

How are high school teachers similar to anti-vaxx mothers?

They have to say goodbye to their kids after only 4 years.

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My hot ex from high school messaged me saying she’ll be in town for a day, but it just so happens to be on my fathers birthday.

So now I have to choose between the person I lost my virginity to, or my ex-girlfriend.

In high school I was best friends with a pair of Chinese twins, Ving and Ling.

Ving truly hated his name and wanted to change it to Lee, as in Bruce Lee, but Ling kept trying to convince him not to do it since it was a big part of their heritage.
One day he decided it was finally time to go through with it, so me and Ling accompanied him to the courthouse, while Ling kept...

One of my best teachers in high school was a turtle.

I remember everything he tortoise.

While teaching in a junior high school class, the teacher questions a girl.

Teacher: name the thing in human body that can increase upto 4 times in excitement.

Girl: *infuriated * do you really thing this is the right question to ask a girl, I know what you're talking about and you should be ashamed.

Teacher: not only you're wrong, your expectations gonna disa...

What's the hardest part of playing track in an American high school?

Telling which gunshot is the starter.

Why can’t fish pass high school?

They’re all below C level.

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There were once three friends who were absolutely inseparable in high school.

They did everything together. You could not find one without the other two nearby. But, as so often happens, after graduation, they all went their separate ways.
One of the friends went on to become a very successful defense attorney. Top of his class at Harvard Law, opened his own firm, made e...

A blonde, a brunette, and a black-haired girl are walking down their high school hallway

when they come across a genie's lamp. The black-haired girl rubs it, and a genie comes out. He tells them that he'll give each of them three wishes if they say something true about themselves. If not, they'll go "poof", and die.

So the black-haired girl squeals, "I think I'm the prettiest gir...

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My high school had a $10 penalty for swearing on campus.

A student was heard saying “shit” in the lunchroom, so he was sent to the principal’s office. When the principal made him pay up, the student gave him a 20 and told him to “keep the fucking change.”

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Told by my friend years ago in high school [long] [nsfw]

Okay so let me start out by saying when telling this joke, you insert the name of the person you are telling it too. For this joke I will use the name John Johnson as it is the most generic name I can think of. Now for the joke.


Three men were standing in a bar, making small talk. The fir...

We all know that Beverly Hills High is in zip code 90210, but do you know the zip code for the Dawson's Creek's High School?

90108

Why can't you see an anti-vaxx kid going high school?

Because they're dead.

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An RAF pilot from WWII goes to a girls high school to share his experiences in the war

He said: "And there was a fucker behind me, to the left of me, to the right of me, fuckers everywhere!" The head mistress turned pale and said: "Ladies, the Fokker was a German aircraft." The veteran said: "That may be Madam, but these fuckers were in Messerschmidts"

Age is just a number. On my 40th birthday, I went to the high school track to see what I could do in the mile run, and I set a new personal best!

Half a mile!

A boy in high school asks a girl to the prom

Amazingly, she says yes so he has to get everything ready. He goes to the tailor so he can get a suit. Unfortunately, he had to wait quite some time, as there were other people getting ready for their proms. But eventually, he gets his suit.

He then went to the florist. But due to some not th...

Why did the high school girl only answer questions 1, 3, 5 and 7 on her exam?

Because she literally can't even.

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[long] John McClane and Hans Gruber sat next to each other in Spanish class as kids at Nakatomi Plaza Junior High School...

One day the *Profesora* said, "we're going to have a vocab quiz, but we're going to do it as a game, make a competition out of it. I'm going to say a word in English, and you and the person sitting next to you compete to see who can give me the Spanish equivalent faster." She turned to the first pai...

I tried to start a hide and seek club in high school

But I couldn’t find the advisor

I like how the girl that called me a “loser” in high school is now blowing up my phone

She sends me things like “what are your plans for dinner” and “Your dad and I are going out for dinner there’s food in the fridge”

A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football pro...

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Summers goes to his 20th High school reunion...

He sees and old friend of his. The guy is wearing a 3 cornered hat, he's got a peg leg, a hook on his right hand, and a black patch over his left eye.

Summers says, "Robey, this is a reunion, not a costume party. What's up?"

Robey says, " Well I always said I wanted to be a pirate, and...

Roses are red, and ready for plucking. Girls out of high school, are you ready for...

College

I saw two high school boys go into a bathroom stall together

before juuling, that would have meant something entirely different

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Two men start talking at a high school reunion.

“It’s been a long time, what have you been up to?”

“I’m a business man now, I run a very successful company”

“Ah, I can see that by the briefcase and suit”

“What do you do?”

“Oh, arrr, I’m a pirate.”

“Ah, I see that by your peg leg, hook and eye patch. How did you ...

One of my favorite memories from high school was being an underclassmen and beating up seniors...

I really miss those summers volunteering at the old folks home

I was a very chilled back person in high school.

I would wear headphones around my neck and a fedora because I thought it made me look cool

Turns out it didn't and my friend told me that he only ate lunch with me because he feared that I would become one of those school shooter kids and he wanted to live.

Where did Satan's little helpers go to high school?

They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.

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A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

She also tells them that there will be no excuse for failing to show up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart-ass jock in the back of the room pipes up and asks the teacher out loud, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class has al...

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My wife told me today "Look! I've had this since high school and it still fits perfectly!"

Me: "Yeah, it's a fucking scarf."

My friend got a girl pregnant when they were in high school. Their son grew to be 6 feet 7 inches tall.

Biggest mistake they ever made.

Why don't farts graduate high school?

Because they always get expelled.

John, a high school student, wants to join an afterschool club.

He looks through the catalog and decides on Yearbook. One day after school, he walks through the halls but realizes he doesn't know which room is Yearbook.

Finally, after looking around for 10 minutes, he gives up. He sees a room which has people editing photos inside. Thinking it must be Ye...

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Back in high school, I was really bad in science. (OC)

I even failed sexual chemistry.

What's the only class in high school with makeup exams?

Cosmetology.

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