This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada and after a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...

He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?"

The barman says, "It's a moose."

The Scottish chap says, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"

Two cows standing on a slope

There's two cows standing on a slope. Which cows reaches the bottom first?

The one with the smaller mu.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a horny asian woman?

Actually, I'm not going to finish that. It's a slippery slope.

A drunk applies for a job...

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with ragged – dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away! They tested him

They gave him a glass with a dr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The danger with online porn is that it's a slippery slope

First, you click one link. Then that leads you to another, then another, then another...

Then, before you know it, your pants are off, it's four hours later, and you're getting weird looks from everyone else in the library.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My physics teacher is the chord slope of an a-t curve

The average jerk

Hindsight

A husband and wife were living in Colorado. He enjoyed outdoor activities and loved going snow skiing in the wintertime. She was a bit of a homebody and preferred a quiet afternoon with a book.

One weekend in February, after a few hours of pleading, the husband convinced his wife to drive up ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once, there were three kingdoms by a lake.

The first was very rich and powerful, while the second was on a good slope up top. The third was an absolute shitshow, and had nothing to show for itself.

One day, the three kingdoms found out that there was a lot of gold and riches deep in the lake, and all of them claimed it. To decide on o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was eating a bright, red apple.

It was on a warm, sunny day that the most peculiar of things occurred. A man, was happily snacking on a bright, red apple when, too lazy to walk to a trash can, he threw it out the window. A seemingly non-problematic apple would have been ignored under any other circumstances, but the man lived on t...

[NSFW] Three guys go to a ski lodge. There aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed for the night.

In the morning, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "Last night I had the wildest, most vivid dream that I was getting a handjob!"

 


The guy on the left wakes up and says, "That's incredible. I had the excact same dream!"

 

The guy in the middle ...

Veteran Wine Taster

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. He posted a sign at the entrance to the building... EXPERIENCED WINE TASTER NEEDED --POSITION STARTS IMMEDIATELY.

A retired veteran named "Ace," drunk and with a ragged dirty look a...

A 911 operator gets a call.

The caller says, "Help! I was out hunting with my friend, and he slipped and fell down a slope and hit a rock and I think he's dead!"

"Calm down. The first thing you need to do is make sure that he's actually dead."

The operator hears a shot, and then the caller says, "Okay, now what?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Scotsman went skiing in Canada for the first time.

At the end of a great day on the slopes, he retired to the local tavern. After getting six whiskeys in him he stood up and turned around to discover a large, stuffed animal head with giant antlers hanging from the wall.

"Barkeep," he said, "what the hell is that?"

The bartender said, "...

A wine wholesaler was hiring a taster...

...someone to taste the wine before placing the orders. So they placed adverts and one afternoon, a dirty, rough looking man walks into the manager's office asking to be employed. The manager tried to figure out how he could drive the man away but couldn't come up with any idea, so he decided to giv...

3 guys were in an apartment and had to share the same bed for the night.

The next morning the guys decided to share their dreams they had the night before.

The guy sleeping on the left said, “I had a dream that I received the most amazing handjob!”

The guy sleeping on the right said, “No way! I also had the best handjob in my dream!”

The guy sleepin...

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A man confesses his sins to a priest...

He says “Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I was skiing down the slopes on my recent trip to Austria.

Upon my return to the top of the slope I noticed my boss from work. I was wearing my ski mask and a balaclava so he would not have recognised me.

As he was leaning down to fix hi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There is a rabbi that studied all the religions of the world. He had worked his whole life to experience them all....

He finally had studied and participated in all the world's religions, except for one. There was the small tropical island far away from civilization. This island, the Island of Trid, was populated by the local islanders, the trids. They an idyllic culture. Easy and peaceful living in harmony with th...

My Vietnamese coworker slipped and fell in a puddle of oil.

I was going to make a racist joke about it but decided against it, because that's a slippery slope.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The one-armed golfer

A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a downward slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf so one day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.



He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was st...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy named Flayer

In ancient times, back when modern woes and tragedies were instead replaced by orcs, goblins, and bandits, there was once a lonely shepherd boy, known by the locals as Flayer, a young adventurous lad, forced by his father to tend to his flock.

"Oh tending to sheep is such a bore! I should be...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Blonde Logic Highlights

Blonde Logic

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!

March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!"

Apr...

Hey girl, are you a derivative?

Because I'd like to examine the slope of your curves

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A fly over a stream. [Dirty Joke]

One day, in a peaceful forest, a fly buzzed over a stream.

In the stream, a salmon was swimming, and it looked up and saw the fly. It thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, I'd be able to jump up, catch it, and I'd have myself something to eat."

Alongside...

I went on a water slide once and now I'm addicted

It's a slippery slope

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Don't have shower sex

It's a slippery slope that leads to bath things

Why don't blondes water ski?

They can't find a lake with a slope

I recently got very addicted to skiing

My doctor told me I'm going down a slippery slope

You shouldn't make racist jokes about Asians who cant drive when its raining

Its a slippery slope

You've got to be careful once you start cooking with Crisco.

It's a slippery slope.

Trump and Hillary go skiing

Trump and Hillary decide to go skiing to decide who will win the presidency. It is decided that whoever reaches the bottom of the hill fastest will be the next president.
However, as Hillary reaches the halfway point the ski lift above the slope breaks and chops her head clean off. Her head then ...

The Island of Trid

Once upon a time, in the middle of the ocean, there was the Island of Trid.

Most of the Island of Trid was covered by a large mountain. On this mountain lived a Giant. The Giant did not allow Trids on his mountain. If a Trid dared to climb onto the mountain, the Giant would pick them up and k...

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada...

And he's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, *stunningly* beautiful alley he's ever come across. It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love...

Geeky trigonometry joke my dad used to tell me

What sound does a horse make while walking?
*Clop, clop.*

What sound does a horse make while walking uphill?
*Clop, clop* multiplied by the cosine of the slope angle.

My grandfather passed away early this morning. To commemerate him, here is a favorite joke of his

A man and woman were on their honeymoon after a quick courtship. They met, fell, and love, and were quickly married. On their honeymoon, they decide to go for a horse ride through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the wifes's horse mis-steps and jo...

A businessman went to a golf club.

A businessman went to a golf club he frequented every weekend. When he tried to hire a caddy, the manager told him that they no longer had any to hire.

"Well then," said the man, "What am I supposed to do without a caddy?"

The manager politely informed him that all of the caddies had b...

I think my niece has a burgeoning slip 'n slide addiction

Once you go down one, it's just a slippery slope.