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At age 12, Little Johnny was blessed with a nine inch penis.

And three years later, that priest went to prison.

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(NSFW) A man had a 16 inch Dick.

Poor guy. He couldn't get any gals.


He went to a doctor, who was looking at the miracle unbelievably.


"I..I.." the doctor stuttered, " Medical science cannot cure this."
Poor guy.

"But..." the doctor says, "there is a wizard in the deep Lock Nock Lake. Go to him and ...

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Read below to see how I unlocked the secret to getting a 12 inch penis!

I just folded it in half.

[LONG] [NSFW] Two guys are in a boat fishing

One guys pulls out a cigarette and says to the other, "Hey man, do you have a light?"
The other guy goes into his tacklebox and pulls out a 10-inch lighter and hands it to him.
As he lights his cigarette, he says "Hey that's really neat, where did you get a lighter this big?"
"Oh, I have ...

Why can't we have a 12-inch nose?

Because if we do, then it'd be a foot

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There is this guy who has a 25-inch dick

He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can’t please the ladies with it being so big. He hasn’t found a lady yet who likes it and he can’t get any pleasure.

She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog. When he finds the frog...

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When I was a young child I was blessed with an 8 inch penis.

Unfortunately it belonged to Father O'Mallory.

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A skinny little white guy walks into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The little guy faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy s...

What do you call a mushroom with a 12 inch stalk?

A fungi to go out with

What would happen if you had a 12 inch nose?

It would be a foot. Except, nothing would change, really. They both smell and run.

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What does a man with a 12 inch penis eat for breakfast?

This morning I had a boiled egg.

What do you call a 3.14 inch long snake?

A π-thon

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Well I dont have a 12 inch dick,

But it smells like a foot

Did you hear about the woman obsessed with 12 inch objects?

She had a "foot" fetish!

My wife's the worst. You give her an inch...

And she wants six more.

A Man Walks into a Bar

He then sees a guy lighting his cigarette. He walks over to him and notices something strange.

He asks the guy why his lighter was so big.

The guy says "My genie gave it to me."

The man then asks if he could get a wish.

"Sure", said the other guy.

So the man asks f...

A friend of mine can float one inch off the ground when he drinks Jack Daniels.

He’s a bourbon legend.

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A man with a 20 inch penis goes to the doctor

He says "Doc, 20 inches is way too much! I'm having trouble with my daily life, and no woman even dares to come near me! This thing has ruined my life! Is it possible to reduce it to something more manageable?"

"Surgery can't help," the doctor explains. "But while I can't recommend this offic...

Life before the computer:

Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad wa...

I had my leg x-rayed today.

The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"

By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"

The doctor replied "披萨卷披萨卷2.54披萨卷"

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About an inch

The UN is in session and the three major superpowers, the US, Russia, and China are trying to out do each other's achievements.

The US says "we have a missile that could reach any point on Earth with amazing precision and destroy it."

Everyone else starts chattering in disbelief and t...

Girls are ridiculous man. Give em an inch and they take

All your child support.

Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water

so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.

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If you had the option of being 3 inches taller or a 3 inch longer dick, what would you choose?

I’d go with the height for sure so I’ll be close to 6’ and I really don’t need a 3.5 inch penis

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A man who had a 25 inch long penis went to his doctor...

A man who had a 25 inch long penis went to his doctor to complain that he was having a problem with this rather massive instrument and has had more than one complaint.

“Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “is there anything you can do for me?”

The doctor replies, “Medically son, t...

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Once there was a man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.

One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know...

A guy walks into a bar...

and he sees a really small man playing the piano. He asks the bartender where he came from, and the bartender says that there's a genie in the back. The man doesn't believe him but goes anyway.

He opens the door, and BAM, there's a genie. The genie tells him he can make one wish.

'I w...

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Three friends bragged about who has had the most sex...

Friend A said “You all have nothing on me. I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and I have a 8 inch penis. I have slept with more than 1,000 women.”

Friend B says “Oh yeah? Well I’m the top gynecologist doctor at the most ...

A woman goes to a pharmacy and asks if they have 12 inch size condoms.

"How many do you want", pharmacist replies.

"None, just take my phone number and give it to anyone who comes to buy it".

A man sits at a bar and produces a small piano along with a 12 inch pianist.

Barman asks how did he come to have such a small pianist in his care?

With an annoyed look the man says "I met a Genie who had a hearing problem".

The bar with the great 12-inch pianist



A man walks in to a bar to see a 12-inch pianist playing piano and he is amazing. He asked the bar tender where did you get this guy from? The bar tender tells him don’t even bring him up. The man kept ordering drinks and tipping so that the bar tender can finally answer his question.
...

A man walks into a bar with a tiny piano and a 12 inch pianist

He sets the tiny piano down at the bar, and the tiny pianist starts playing up a storm. The bartender looks at the man and says, "That's amazing, where did you get that?" The man replies, "There's a genie outside your bar that will grant you one wish."

The bartender runs outside and sure enou...

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I was blessed with a 10 inch penis when I was 12 years old...

...I really hope that creepy-ass priest is still in jail.

It's like the saying goes, every inch counts.

She's only used to getting an inch, but it counts!

A man walks into a bar

with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what’s in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, of about 12 inches height, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setti...

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While sipping his whiskey he notices a small, gilded box at the end of the bar and inquires about it to the bartender. "You're not quite drunk enough, my friend."

The man thinks it odd but continues to drink. Two more whiskeys later he asks again. "...

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A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check....

He marched up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare! I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing!"

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening...

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist

He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?"
The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can have one wish. So the man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks."
The genie say...

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A tall man walks into a bar, with a tiny man standing on his shoulder.

... and orders a beer. As soon as he sits down at the counter the tiny man hops off his shoulder and starts walking around. It is just a bit taller than a pint of beer, and dressed in a sports jersey. It walks over to the guy right to him, chugs his beer in one go, bumps his fist into the guys shoul...

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My boyfriend insisted that a two inch penis can’t change our relationship.

But I still called the police after I found one in the fridge.

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The 25-Inch Dick

Once, there was a man who had a 25 inch dick which was obviously very troublesome for him, he consulted doctors and tried home remedies but had no effect. His mother, who was very religious told him to meet a saint. Reluctantly, he agreed. This was a special saint, who lived in the deep woods of Ind...

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The Twelve-Inch Pianist (A Classic)

A man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a little man. He places them down on the counter in front of the bartender as the little man starts playing a slow, reverent, and deeply moving rendition of the DuckTales theme song. After he finishes his musical masterp...

Just an inch !

An American, an Afghan and an Frenchman sitting outside a bar, keep arguing about how their country is more advanced. A heated debate between the American and Frenchman continues whilst the Afghan can't seem to beat either of them and seems visibly frustrated.
" Our military is so advanced that ...

A man walks into a bar...

The bartender greets him and says, "for 5 bucks, I'll show you something amazing."

The man agrees and hands over his 5 bucks.

The bartender pulls out a small piano and a guy who is only about a foot tall. The guy sits down and plays an amazing tune on the piano.

"Wow he's amazi...

A guy walks into a bar. As he is walking up to the bar he notices a twelve-inch man playing the piano,

So he asks the bartender “What’s that all about?” motioning to the dwarf,

The bartender told him he would tell him later. So the guy orders a drink. The bartender says,

“Before you get a drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish.”

“Okay,” said the guy. He wa...

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A man walks into a bar......

A man walks in to a bar with a box under his arm and says to the barman “if I can show something you have never seen before will you give me a free drink?”

Now the barman has seen mostly everything in his time and says “sure , Impress me and hell, I’ll give you a free tab for the eve!”
...

TIFU by ordering a 6-inch sandwich instead of a footlong.

Whoops, wrong sub.

In short, this joke will put you on the floor!

It's a 1 inch punch line.

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So a man has a 25 inch dick

A man has a 25 inch dick and he hates it

It always gets in the way, he has to wrap it around his leg wherever he goes, and it never fits in a woman.

So he goes to this magic wizard to help him get a shorter dick. The wizard tells him to go into the nearby forest and find this talking ...

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a 12-inch lighter

Guy 1 asks: *"That is a big lighter you got there! Where did ya get it?"*

Guy 2 says: *"I rubbed this lamp right here, and a genie granted me a wish"*

Guy 1 goes: *"Cool, let me see it!"*

He rubbed the lamp and out came the genie. The genie tells him he can only have one wish....

What do women and modern computers have in common?

Neither one will accept a 3 and a half inch floppy

A man walks into a bar (LONGish?)

And walks straight to the counter to order a drink. Sitting down, he grabs his drink and starts up some casual talk with the bartender. After about five minutes, he pulls out a miniature piano. The bartender is understandably confused. After asking about it, the man replies, “watch this” and proceed...

I ordered a foot long Italian on whole wheat at Subway but I got a six inch turkey on flatbread.

Wrong sub.

What do you you call a mexican inch worm?

An inch-a-lotta

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There was a man who had a 28-inch dick.

He was tired with all the inconveniences that came with it and no doctor was able to help him. Desperate, he went to talk to the village witch. The witch said, "Go to the Seventh Mountain and look for the Mystical Frog. He can speak; you just need him to mutter the word 'no' and your dick will shrin...

I ordered a 60 inch tv last week for 75 quid

The sound doesn't work but at that price you can't turn it down.

10-inch BIC

Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.

1: You got a lighter?

2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*

1: Woah, where'd you get that!?

2: I have a personal genie.

1: Cool! Can I make a wish?

2: Sure, just be very clea...

If i had an inch of rope for every sucide joke i made...

I'd have enough rope to hang myself

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A well-endowed man has a 25-inch penis...

But it is too much for the ladies. So you goes to a doctor saying, "Doc, you got to help me. I have a 25-inch penis but it is too big. I need to make it smaller. What can I do?"

The doctor tells him, "Listen, I can't do anything for you, but rumor has it that there is a talking frog in the fo...

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A man is born with a 26 inch penis

His penis is so long that no women is willing to be with him and he becomes light headed whenever he gets an erection.
Frustrated by this, he decides to seek the help of a with who lives in the swamp. He says to her "witch my penis two feet long, women fear it and I pass out whenever I become ar...

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My girlfriend said there's nothing wrong with having a 4 inch long penis...

But I'd prefer she didn't have one at all

Samsung recently unveiled “The Wall,” the World’s First Modular MicroLED 146-inch TV

They were really delighted to hear that the President was gonna be their first customer.

How often does an American President buy a Wall from South Koreans to keep Mexicans away?

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Three-inch dick: “It’s tiny!” she laughed.

Three-inch spider:”It’s enormous!” she screamed. So I had a spider tattooed on my dick.

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The Pentagon said they had too many generals running around

so they wanted to get rid of some of them. To go about this, they decided to offer $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body that they wanted measured. The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from the top of his head to his toes. He was 69 inches, so he received...

Catholic

Three old Catholic men and one old Catholic woman were sitting a a table one morning. The first old man said, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room people say Father." The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." Third old man says, my s...

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There's a man with a 15 inch penis...

This is a problem so he goes to the doctor to see what he can do about size reduction. The doctor says "sir, I can't do anything about it here. But I do know of a magic frog. Go into the woods, find the frog and ask it to marry you. Every time it says no, your penis will decrease by 3 inches."
<...

A man walks into a bar....

A man walks into a bar and see another man sitting at the bar holding a huge lighter and walks up to him.
Man 1: "Hey man, where did you get that lighter?"
Man 2: "You see, if you rub this magic lamp a genie pops out and grants you a wish."
Man 1: "No way! Let me try." He rubs the lam...

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The was once a man with a 15 inch penis.

The man, however, isn't happy with it, because his wife says it hurts. Distraught, he goes on a walk, where he meets a leprechaun. The leprechaun, feeling generous and knowing of his problem (because leprechauns are all-knowing) agrees to shrinking his penis by 3 inches if he can get the hottest gir...

A man walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot tall guy playing the piano.

Astonished the man asks the bartender,
“where in gods name did you find such a small man playing the piano?!”

“There is a genie out back granting wishes but..”

Before the bartender could finish his sentence the patron was out the door to search for the genie.

Sure enough t...

I reeled in a 6 foot 1 inch catfish

That weighed 280 lbs on Tinder

TIL of a Nine Inch Nails and Tool collaboration project that never made it to the studio because of union issues

It was called Unlicensed Carpentry

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A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious ...

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(NSFW) My ex-girlfriend once told me having a 4 inch dick is fine and nothing to worry about.

But I didn't think it was okay for her to have one.

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The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his hea...

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A man had a problem...he was a virgin because he had a 25 inch penis...

After seeking consults from all the Doctors in his town and being told no one could help him, the man sulks and starts walking home. A homeless man sitting on the sidewalk noticed his forlorn appearance and asked him what was wrong.

"I have a 25 inch penis and none of the Doctors in town are ...

Give a man an inch and he'll take a mile.

Give a woman an inch and she'll be a bit disappointed.

I have a "One dollar, one inch" rule with the ladies: you give me a dollar, you get an inch.

You give me three dollars, you get it all.

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[NSFW] A man is on a date with an attractive woman. She tells him "I won't sleep with you unless you have a 12 inch dick."

The man responds "I don't fold my dick in half for anyone."

A divorced man

A divorce man was walking on the street suddenly he saw a lamp in the middle of the road.

He picked it up and suddenly a genie poped out and said to man " you have three wishes and be careful what you will wish you ex will get double of that."

Man scratched his head and said "okay give...

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I used to tell girls i had a ten inch penis.

Until one of them pointed out that I was holding the ruler backwards.

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A man walks down a lonely beach

After a while, he sees another man laying on a towel with a lamp on one side of him and a one foot tall man playing the piano on the other side of him.

After exchanging pleasantries, the first man asks "what's that?", pointing to the lamp. "Oh, that?", says the second man. "That's a magic lam...

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