UPJOKE
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Why cant Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone...

Because he's dead

Why cant you hear a dinosaur pee?

Because theyre extinct.

Reading a great book at the moment called 'The History of Glue'

I just cant put it down.

My wife's just walked out on me, saying she cant take any more of my insufferable nit picking.

I think you'll find there's a hyphen in nit-picking.

A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage.

(Disclaimer: I believe this is OC because I heard it in Cantonese and I've translated it, so also, apologies for bad English)

A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage. At gunpoint, he forces the two to sit on chairs facing the opposite way, back to each other,...

A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, y...

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