10 best one-liners from the 2019 Edinburgh fringe

**"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets".**

The gag won 41% of the vote.

## Best of the rest

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

* "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they'r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Top 10 Edinburgh Fringe Festival Jokes

Here are the Top 10 2017 Edinburgh Fringe Festival Jokes!

1. “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.” Ken Cheng


2. “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” Frankie Boyle


3. “I’ve given up asking rhetorical q...

"When I see Donald Trump..." - Edinburgh Fringe 2018

When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.

Bush wasn’t that bad.



Angela Barnes, Pleasance Courtyard, 7.15pm


This joke won the funniest joke award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hippos, custard and tapas: the 10 funniest jokes of the Edinburgh fringe

1. Darren Walsh: I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free.

2. Stewart Francis: Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse … but enough about Kanye West.

3. Adam Hess: Surely every car is a people carrier?

4. Masai Graham: What’s the difference between a h...

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

Young Jonny us playing golf for the very first time, with his grandfather

After a slow start, they reach a short par 3. Jonny reaches for his driver and hits it all the way to the fringe of the green. He very nonchalantly chips it to 2ft and mops up for par.

The old man is super proud, and after the round he gifts Jonny a magnificent Bronze coloured driver.
...

A man says to his doctor... (Barry Cryer's wife's favourite joke)

A man says to his doctor "I think my wife is going deaf, but I don't want to mention it as it'll be tactless and insensitive. Is there any way I can gauge it, preferably without her knowing?"

The doctor replies "There is, it's quite easy, choose a moment when she has her back to you, say som...

Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side...

...only three more sleeps till Christmas.

A rope walked into a bar...

A rope walked into a bar. The bartender said, "We don't serve your kind here! No ropes allowed!" The rope left, tied his top end, and fluffed out the fringe. He reentered the bar, and the bartender said, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just threw out?" "No," the rope said. "I'm a frayed knot."

Two detectives are investigating a crime scene in a plastic surgeons O.R. (Long)

After an initial forensics report they determine cause of death was blood loss.

Detective 1: I’ve seen their sort of procedure before. Good God! I thought they stopped this sort of operation years ago!

Detective 2: what is it? You’ve seen this before!??

Detective 1: oh yes....Ma...

I went to a bookstore the other day ...

After wandering around for a while, an employee in a colored apron approached me.

"Can I help you find anything, sir?"

"Oh, yes. Sure. I'm looking for a book about turtles."

"Hardback?" she inquired.

"Yep, and little heads."

---

Retelling of a joke by Mark ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf Truisims

* Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

* Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during
your swing.

* When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use
one more club or two more balls.

* If you're afraid a ful...

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