What did the blubber salesman say when he found out the margins on petroleum were better?

Whale oil be damned!

I found a discount code hidden in the pages of my economics textbook

Now that’s a marginal benefit

Doug Jones’ margin of victory is so small

Roy Moore is going to try and molest it.

Sally's Mommy is smart (marginally NSFW)

Little Sally and Little Johnny are playing in the sandbox one day.

Johnny looks at Sally and for whatever reason decides he wants to play a game with Sally.

So he gets her attention and suddenly pulls up his shirt. And then, pointing to each nipple, he announces "I have one of THESE ...

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Fat people aren't marginalized

They're buttered

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About an inch

The UN is in session and the three major superpowers, the US, Russia, and China are trying to out do each other's achievements.

The US says "we have a missile that could reach any point on Earth with amazing precision and destroy it."

Everyone else starts chattering in disbelief and t...

If I had a nickel for every time I gave someone my two cents...

I'd have 60% gross margins.

Don’t be a Donald.

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

The first passenger said “I am a doctor on the verge of discovering a
cure for cancer. I simply must survive so that millions of others may
live”. And with that, the good doctor took one of the p...

If a group of crows is a murder...

...then a group of crows spaced evenly between two margins is a justified murder.

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143 year old troll

I found this history text book from 1873 at a flea market today, and it’s super old school. On page 23, there is a thing that says “look on page 150” in pencil in the top margin- so I go to page 150 and the guy had written “you are a fool for looking”. Fuckin got me bro. Trolled me 143 years in the ...

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A man out golfing meets a leprechaun [Long]

One Saturday afternoon in Ireland, a man is playing a round of golf on his local public course. As he approaches the eighth hole, he hits the ball and slices it pretty hard to the right. Grumbling, he walks out, deep past the weeds and into the tall grass of the surrounding forest, where he stumbles...

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A gorilla dies at the Zoo...

Just before the zoo opens. It's the only gorilla that that the zoo can afford, and it was by a large margin, the zoo's most popular attraction, so the owner goes to the former gorilla keeper and offers him an extra $300 every day if he'll put on a gorilla suit, go in the gorilla exhibit, and pretend...

I've started selling tiny notebooks

The margins are pretty tight

Who do businessmen pray to?

The Prophet Margin

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Why was the butter confused at the protesters marching down the street?

He didn't know what it was like to be marginalized.

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A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining together at the country club.

The conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary, and a wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.

The doctor offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, "Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was to...

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A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer...

Came up with this a while back, and found it today. I cleaned it up a bit:

A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer can't take it anymore and decide to commit suicide.

The biologist reviews some data and determines the impact velocity required to kill a human. He the...

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My mom accidentally put in more butter than what was called for in the recipe.

It was only a marginal error.

Why is success in the shaving industry so difficult?

Razor thin margins.

There are allegedly around 6.5 million Finns...

That's out of 7.125 billion humans. That means Finns make up .0912% of the planet. Not nine percent, but point zero nine percent - less than one tenth of a percent. To put that another way, 99.9% of the people on the planet are not Finns.

How do we know this? Government censuses. Now, the bes...

Why did the Economist cross the road?

Because Marginal Benefit (MB) was greater than Marginal Cost (MC)

Just an old Bible

Jimmy had decided to take a year off before starting college and to hitchhike around Europe with his friend Billy. After several weeks he called his dad to get him to send them more money .


"It's been more expensive than I thought over here Dad", Jimmy told his dad. "We got to Germany and...

I came up with a hilarious joke about fermat

But the margin was too small to contain it

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Anything can happen at a ska show

A few weeks ago, my band was opening for a slightly more famous band at a moderately large local venue. This was one of the biggest gigs we'd had yet, and so I was seriously stressing about it beforehand, even though our sax player kept telling me not to. "Relax, you've been playing keyboards all yo...

German, American & Albanian Engineers

There was a project for a tunnel to be built. The American first did an offer they said it will cost 100 million $, they will start drilling on each side of the mountain and when both drilling teams meet there could be a fault margin of 5 cm difference. The german said the same instead they asked fo...

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Why do butter substitutes have such a hard time?

Because they're always being marginalized!

A motorcycle, a van, and a car bet against each other to see who would best whom in an endurance race.

The rules were set, and each vehicle was to drive 200 laps around a quarter mile track. Each vehicle agreed to this and the race began. After 10 laps, the motorcycle was in the lead against the car and the van by a large margin. Around 50 laps, he had started to loose ground against the car, and was...

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I realized why so many more men are astronauts.

It's because we get our training when we pee.

* We're working within a narrow margin.

* A modest overshot means an unsatisfactory splashdown.

* If we screw up, our own satisfaction be damned, we're pissing off more than ourselves.

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