Why doth Abraham not bringeth his grain to the spelling bee?

For it was already spelt.

His cup doth runneth over

Some people think the cup is half full, some think the cup is half empty, I think the cup is an important piece of sporting equipment that doesn't need to have its content measured

If a lady doth entertain many a suitor in a fortnight, she is of questionable moral character...

But should a gentleman follow suit, a true and confirmed bachelor is *that* dear fellow! Huzzah!

My girlfriend keeps turning down my invite to the medieval fare because she's busy with "activism" and "planning women's marches".

The lady doth protest too much, methinks

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Jesus and St. Peter are playing golf...

Peter takes a nice clean stroke landing safely on the green, ready for the putt.

Then Jesus comes up to stroke.

Jesus absolutely splits it. It goes directly into a water hazard, where it is then eaten by a fish.
"Pay up." Peter begins, but he is interrupted.
"Doth Thou doubtest t...

Real Middle-aged Texting.

Man: "Fair maiden, wherest doth thou reside on this fair evening?"

Woman: "Good sir, I am trapped within the reside of mine parents"

Man: "Oh, mine love, how I wish mineself were trapped in thine reside so I could bury my face deep within thine bossom."

Woman: "Mine parents shal...

What's a Shakespearean ellipsis?

Doth doth doth

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