Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl.

One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline.

Did you hear about the brawl in the Chinese restaurant?

It was a scene of wonton destruction

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4 nuns died in a car crash.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates, and says ‟The only reason you're not already inside is because you have sinned and never confessed. This is your amnesty, if you have a confession, now's the time.”

The first nun was very hesitant but finally stepped forward. ‟I saw a man's penis on...

2 and 8 got into a brawl with 4 and 6

It was an even fight

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An illegal immigrant and a paedophile got into a brawl....

In other words, it was alien vs predator

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An evil black knight and a holy white knight meet on the field of battle

The black knight calls out to his opponent, "behold the power of my sturdy lance and my steed! We will conquer this land and enslave its people on behalf of the dark wizard!"

The white knight responds, "nary have I enountered such a vile and wicked man! The people of this holy land shall rem...

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During World War 2, three generals were arguing over who had the best soldiers.

The British general called one of his men over.


“Private! See that nazi tank in the minefield there? Go destroy it.”


“Yes, Sir!” The soldier replied and started running.


He ran across the unmarked minefield until within range of the tank with his anti-tank weapon, to...

Possible OC??

What's the difference between a demolition derby and some drunks on a bus?


One's a bar-crawl. The other's a car-brawl.

A fight broke out in a candle store. The manager was briefly worried about loss from damages, but he decided he didn't care...

All in all, it was just another wick in the brawl.

A cowboy walks into a saloon…

and orders himself a drink at the bar counter. Turning to the fellow sitting next to him, he slowly utters, “Combat. Battle. Warfare. Skirmish. Brawl. Scuffle.”

The other man slams his glass down on the counter, gets up out of his seat, turns to face the cowboy, and says, “Hey, them’s fightin...

Last night I smashed my friends Mom.-

I stopped by my friend's house late last night. I rang the doorbell and his mom answered. Apparently he wasn't home because he was off studying with some other friends at their place. She told me to come in, so I did. I took my shoes off and went to the living room and sat on the couch. She came bac...

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Which is worse?

A couple guys are sitting in a bar and they are getting a bit drunk. One of them says to his buddy "hey, have you ever wondered which is worse? Giving birth or getting kicked in the balls?"

His friend considers this for a moment, and responds "it's an age old question. My wife might say chil...

Two police officers are called out to a bar...

...where a couple of patrons have gotten into a fight.
When they get there they find an Acid and a Base trading blows. The officers split them up, give them a verbal warning, and send them on their way in opposite directions.

A couple of days later the same officers are called out to a...

2 Jamaicans are lost in the desert..

After wandering aimlessly for hours, one of the two spots an oasis in the distance. As they draw nearer, the other man spots an odd tree growing at the oasis, a tree with bacon for leaves. He turns to his friend and says "Look man, it's a bacon tree!!". His friend replies " No way man you're halluci...

The tale of two gnats

So a gnat is on a vacation and he sees another gnat but he looked beat up with bruises all over his body. He walks over and asks him why he looks the way he does.

"Well," says the beat up gnat, "My living conditions are terrible. I live in this biker's mustache, and if holding on while he's r...

What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?

Irritable Brawls in Rome

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The Ballad of Ole Woodeye

There once was a man named John Haywood. He worked as a farmhand in Louisiana back in the 1930's, and was quite the skilled worker. Every day he would show up on time and work his hardest. One fateful afternoon, while baling hay, a wire snapped. His right eye was mutilated beyond any possible repair...

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The Lizard

Brother told me this joke in Arabic originally:

A lizard walks into a bar and loudly yells out "if anyone trys to fuck with me I'm gonna fuck them up." Then he walks back outside.

A pig looks at his friends and says "who does this lizard think he is, I'm gonna go beat the shit out of h...

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