UPJOKE
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Act As Jokes

I was horrified when I read about how coffee can act as a laxative

It keeps me up at night.

What would Kanye’s first act as POTUS be?

He’d change “fish sticks” to “fish rods”

A priest and a nun in a desert cabin

A priest and a nun are caught in a blizzard.

They find a deserted cabin and take shelter.

They find a sleeping bag, a bed, and a pile of blankets.

The priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself.

As they get tucked in for the...

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Finding the loot

Jose had robbed a bank in Texas and fled south across the Rio Grande with the Texas Rangers in hot pursuit. They caught up with him in a town in Old Mexico, only to discover that Jose spoke no English and none of the pursuers spoke any Spanish. They drafted one of the locals – the school teacher – t...

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I went to a pub and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code.

"Oh no," he said, "there's no wifi in here; people used to sit talking in pubs about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot - now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see; therefore, no wifi in this pub."

"You know what?" I replied, "You're right!" an...

An unemployed finds hard getting a suitable job in his stream.

An unemployed graduate was looking for a suitable job in his stream. He attended several exams and many personal interviews, only to be rejected. Being fed up after so many months of his job hunt, he decided to get into any job that will provide him some money for his daily expenses.
Being financ...

Two friends are walking their dogs when the come across a restaurant...

Since they are hungry, they decide to go in and have a bite to eat. They're about to go in when one realizes that the restaurant doesn't allow dogs. The other says that they should pretend to be blind so that their dogs could act as seeing-eye dogs. After going in, the manager comes over to them and...

Schrodinger's Virus

We all have Schrodinger's Virus now.

Because we can't get tested, we can't know whether we have the virus or not.

We have to act as if we have the virus so that we don't spread it to others.

We have to act as if we've never had it cause if we didn't have it we are not immune....

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My Sister is Obsessed With the Worst Guy Ever

To this day I don't understand what my little sister sees in this guy. He's unemployed and has absolutely no ambition to get a job. Not only does he rely on her for food but this fucker moved in as soon as they met despite my warnings to at least get to know him a little better before making such a ...

An r/jokes poem.

If you steal someone's joke from this sub,

Men may come repossess and delete.

They act as a mod (for it is outlawed),

And they live on Repo St.

Somebody told me to "live everyday like it's your last".

So, I decided I'd stay in bed with life support and act as if I'm in comatose state from now on.

Date night

This couple who will be celebrating their 20th anniversary this Friday were talking over dinner tonight.

Wife: honey, our 20th anniversary is this Friday. Why don't we do something to help spice up our marriage a bit.

Husband: like What?

Wife: well, why don't we go to a bar and...

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Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

As they turn the corner, they come across a circus in the field over the road that has closed up for the night. One of the main attractions, a huge 12 foot tall bull elephant with a 6 foot long penis could clearly be seen quietly ea...

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A man and his wife visit Las Vegas for their 15th anniversary. Being the spontaneous couple they always have been the husband decides that their first night he will do all the planning.

They go out a fancy steak dinner and he pays extra to have the band sing their wedding song tableside and serenade his wife. She melts.

He then takes her to a magic show and pays extra to have her involved in the main act as the woman who disappears within the act. She is beaming with joy....

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