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Doctor's Orders Jokes

Doctor's orders for more peace in your life

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives after this election, we should always finish things we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of ...

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Doctor's Orders

So I was at a doctor's appointment having a check up, when the doctor instructed me that I needed to stop masturbating so furiously. When I asked why, he said "because I'm trying to examine you"

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A man was having some stomach pains...

A man was having some stomach pains, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor looked him over and declared, "Sir, you have a tapeworm. Please come back in three days, and bring... a banana."

The man is confused, but he trusts the doctor so he returns in three days with a banana. The doctor te...

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Hospital inspection

A major donor (think having a wing named after him) came to a hospital of which he was a benefactor to see where his money was going. It was up to a Charge Nurse to give him a tour of the med/surg floor.

They are walking down a hallway when the donor looks in and sees a patient in bed furious...

A woman's doctor prescribes her testosterone

...for better bone density, libido, and mood. The woman is a bit dubious, but readily follows the doctor's orders.

A few days later, the doctor gets a call from the woman. "How are you feeling, Mrs. Smith?" he asks.

She replies, "Oh, just wonderful. I am noticing a positive change on t...

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