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Intern Jokes

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?

**A European student:** What's scarcity?

**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?

**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

International women’s day should not be used as an excuse for sexist jokes

Period.

A man saw a gorgeous flight attendant sitting alone reading the paper in an international airport.

He couldn’t quite pin down the exact airline, but he wanted to show off as a man of the world. He tried by saying Air France’s old motto. ‘Making the sky the best place on earth!’ The stewardess gave him the side eye but otherwise ignored him. Undeterred, he tried Singapore Airlines’. ‘A great way t...

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A doctor, while on rounds at the hospital, notices an intern looking at him strangely.

The intern says, "Doctor, you have a thermometer tucked behind your ear." The doctor pulled the thermometer from behind his ear, looked at it and exclaimed, "Damn it, some asshole's got my pencil!"

With the international mathematics conference in town, the bars around the convention center were hopping.

As was her custom, the evening manager was going from table to table greeting her guests. When she got to the first table, there were eight mathematicians seated. Strange, she thought, since there were only six seats, but some of them were getting a bit frisky and were sitting on others' laps.
...

I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 in the International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer

I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?" 

He says "No, why the f\*\*k would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?" 

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."

Do you remember president Clinton’s intern Monica? She’s now republican.

Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

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At an international gynecologist's convention...

Two American Doctors and a European Doctor were having drinks and talking about work. After a few too many they started telling stories.

The first American decides to talk about the strangest patients he had had. "This woman's vulva was like an apple!" He explained.

The second America...

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service.

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day in...

Why did the intern become an elevator repairman?

Because he didn't want to spend years climbing the corporate ladder.

International Men's Day

When creating International Women's Day the committee in charge also created one for men. The problem is, every single man forgot the date, so it has been lost to history.

Well, after much digging and searching I managed to rediscover the date, and wanted to share this information with every...

Today is International Women's Day.

It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready.

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child labor needs to be internationally abolished

they never fucking make anything right

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Me: Happy International Anxiety Day!

My therapist: International Anxiety Day is tomorrow.

A new patient has been interned in a mental asylum.

One of the doctors ask him:

- What is your name?

- John F Kennedy, sir.

- Great, another president...

- No sir! I'm not the president, I'm the airport!

What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun?

Luke Warm.

May the 4th Be With You!

/r/Jokes won the International Green Awards!

96% recycled content.

Since the Industrial Revolution, steel has been a commodity traded on the international market.

If you want to buy some steel, you go to a broker, and he cuts you a deal and you get however many tons of steel you want without necessarily ever making contact with the foundry.

Before the Industrial Revolution, things were on a much smaller scale, and if you wanted to buy steel you had to ...

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb

Three. One to screw it in. One to screw it up. One to screw an intern.

An intern recently started working for an IT programming firm.

Everyday he went into work he was always harassed by his peers, they kept saying he was never being true always being false.
#
So I had to step in, I couldn’t let them
keep Boolean him.

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Bill Clinton is showing a new female intern around the White House

They finally reach the doors of the oval office and Bill asks her, "Want to go into the oval office and see the presidential clock?"

The intern, hesitating, says, "Well, Mr. President, seeing all the stuff that has been happening with you, I don't know if that is a good idea or not."

B...

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A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he is working in.

The intern walks past a room where a man is vigorously
masturbating nonstop. The intern asks the doctor giving the tour
why that man was doing such a thing out in the open.

The doctor says:"Oh, he has a medical condition where sperm builds up so quickly in his body, he has to masturbate...

IT Director to IT Intern: Here, take these sticks of RAM.

IT Intern: What are these for?
IT Director: You don’t remember?
IT Intern: No…?
IT Director: That must be some bad memory you have there…

What happened to the intern electrician after accidentally shocking himself bc he forgot to wear PPE?

He was grounded.

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.

Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?

An intern proudly greets his boss as she walks in the office...

"I took the pleasure of getting here early and doing a few tasks to help your day go smoother. I even pruned the ivy hanging on your wall."
She glared at him and stormed into her office and sure enough, almost half of the plant's leaves were in the garbage leaving the poor ivy looking pathetic. "...

An archaeologist and his gorgeous new intern are in the lab checking the levels of carbon-14 in a skull they found.

The archaeologist's jealous wife walks in and demands to know what's going on. "Honey, it's nothing! We're just dating!"

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Intern Interviews Three Psychiatric Residents

Psych intern is taken to the first of three patient rooms.

Patient is wearing a baseball cap and swinging an imaginary baseball bat.

I: How long do you think you'll be here?

P: Oh, as soon as I hit this home run, I'm outta here!

I: (Makes notes)

Intern is then tak...

I work for the Big, International Non-Governmental Organization.

And BINGO is its name-o.

It is both International Lion Day and International S'more Day.

It is both International Lion Day and International S'more Day.

So I guess you could say, we need s'more lions!

A group of coworkers are sitting around

discussing how much work and fun is involved in completing a project.

First, the junior colleague says, "Completing a project is about 80% fun and 20% work."

Then the team lead replies, "No, there's more work involved than that. I would say that it's 60% fun and 40% work."

The m...

Star Wars Trivia: What is the internal Temperature of a TaunTaun?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Luke-Warm

Does the International House of Pancakes answer to the United Nations or is it the other way around?

Serious answers only. I'm studying for my AP World History final.

What could we call an international chain of hotels catering to vampires?

Hema Globe Inns

(Thoughts on this OC?)

International Time Differences

One of the Russian Ambassadors comes to President Putin and tells him he'd like to resign.
"Why?" Putin asks him.
"Ah, Mr. President, I can't take these time differences! I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, I last woke you up at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was only ...

There’s so much debate about whether to allow Russian athletes to compete internationally

Whatever else happens I hope they let Russians compete in the Paralympics. With the way the war’s going they’ll have a heck of a team

In honour of International Women's Day, I'd like to point out to everyone that PMS jokes are not funny.

Period.

You're an intern when you're learning to be a doctor

But when you learn to pull teeth, are you indentured?

Did you hear about the International women’s day sale on steam?

Everything was 70 cents on the dollar.

I dont get why people get hired as an unpaid intern

I doesn't make any cents

Have you heard of the international bathroom?

When you go there, you're Russian.
Once there, European.

At the the end, you're Finnish.

Jill Stein talks to her intern about recent news

Jill: This whole Epstein thing is very suspicious. We should call for an investigation?

Intern: What’s Epstein?

Jill: Not much, you?

it's international Talk Like A Pirate Day! enjoy a cross-re-post.

What's a Pirate's favourite letter?

You'd think it'd be r, but a pirate's first love is the C.

Workers at the International Earth Rotation Service have gone on strike.

This is going to be a long day.

What do you call a tangled rope on International Space Station?

Astroknot

At an international scout camp, three boys were talking about where babies come from.

A German boy said that the stork brings babies, while a French boy said it involved the mother and father. The American boy was silent.

After some prodding, he finally said “Well, with us it depends on whether you’re from a red state or a blue one.”

Since its international Stoke awareness day

3 old ladies are sitting on a bench together and a flasher runs up to them and exposes himself, the first old lady has a look and then has a stroke, the second old lady also has a look then has a stroke, but the third old lady was too far away and it hurt to stand up so she just had a look

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A young intern working in a morgue goes to the older coroner with a startling discovery.

"This is gonna sound weird, but the drowning victim that just came in has a umm...shrimp sticking out of her vagina."

The coroner smiles and explains to him that it's likely her clitoris, since with drowning victims, it can often become swollen and take on a strange appearance..

"Funny...

What do you call an unruly, unreasonable passenger at Las Vegas International Airport?

A McKaren.

Keeping with the spirit of all the international jokes, I present one of my favorite Ukrainian ones.

A Ukrainian man and a Russian man are out fishing when suddenly the Russian reels in a golden fish.
The fish looks at the men and says "Congratulations! You have caught me and know I shall grant you both three wishes."
The fish turns to the Russian man and says "Since you are the one who r...

A photographer from a well known international magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.

When the photographer arrived, he realize that the smoke was so thick, it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything at ground level.

He requested permission to hire a plane and take photos from the air.

Arriving at the airport, he saw a plane warming ...

What's the difference between a 19th century slave and a 21st century unpaid intern?

No, seriously, I want to know.

North Korean international press conference

The North Korean representative starts:

\- I will have you know that in North Korea no one has died of hunger

\- No one has died of thirst, of cold or homelessness

The Russian representative:

\- have you tried polonium ?

An international conference was being held..

In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.

The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".

African president asked, "What is food?".

Europe asked, "Wha...

Happy International Women's Day

During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Thailand... the eccentric boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond... and swim to the shore. Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with 5 million... but if killed by the crocs...2 million will be gi...

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Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave."
But invariably another voice in his head would b...

The organisers of the International Chilli Growers Trade Show put up a fairground as entertainment —

The ChilliCon Carney

I just learned today is International Joke Day.

But do we really need a whole day dedicated to Trump?

The Trump administration is like the International Space Station

They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

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The chief of staff enters the oval office and turns around with a shocked look to the president behind him...

"What's wrong?" asks the president.
"There's someone in there with a female intern" comes the reply.
"Is he Kissinger?" asks the president.
"No, he's fucking her"

Itvis international talk like a pirate day!

Arrgh, I'm not paying for all these streaming services!

What do visitors to the International Space Station have to do before boarding?

Pay the parking meteor.

Who is the leader of international public health?

Yes.

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Today is International Orgasm Day...

Those who suffer from premature ejaculation celebrated yesterday.

With the current international situation, you'd think that the Russian Tea Rooms in New York would be experiencing a downturn in business. Quite the contrary, business is so good, they've expanded...

...into the Ukrainian Village Restaurant on 2nd Ave.

Why is it International Women's Day?

Cause yo mamma is that fat.

What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?

Both are measured in revolutions per minute.

International Doctor Debate

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a...

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[NSFW] A new intern is accompanying an experienced physician on rounds at the Clinic For Sexual Dysfunction.

As they look into the first room, the patient is furiously masturbating and looks very uncomfortable.

The intern asks, what’s wrong with that poor guy?

The doctor replies, “He suffers from extreme semen backup disorder. If he doesn’t ejaculate every three hours, he could die.”
...

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a "slide-rule"  as well as a code device called an "abacus" that he claimed was a calculator....

What did Palpatine say to the intern when they asked how many pizzas they needed for his birthday party?

"Order 66!"

What do you call trendy internal prosthetics?

Hip implants

Kim Jong-un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

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I’m an international man of mystery

I leave the nation and nobody knows who the fuck I am.

Update I guess I’m a national man of mystery too

Man says to his wife: today is International Generalizations Day

Wife replies: that's EVERY day with you

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The worst part about getting caught jerking off at work is having to explain the belt wrapped around your neck to the new intern.

Was too high on nitrous and forgot to lock my office door...

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International train ride to FaceslapVille

A Pole, a Russian, a nun, and a blonde ride the train from Warsaw to Szczebrzeszyn

Suddenly, a tunnel appears and the lights are out.

Then BAM! A faceslap!

Train reemerges from the tunnel and the Russian has a red face

The Nun thinks: "He must've grabbed the thigh of the...

At an international military convention during the Cold War,

various generals from around the world gathered to brag about their accomplishments. An American general stood up and proudly stated, "In the US military, all of our soldiers get 3000 calories a day and we can raise it to 5000 during periods of hard training."

A Soviet general, upon hearing ...

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Putin and Biden are wrapping up their discussion...

Putin says: "You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago"

Biden: "Oh, what kind of dream?"

Putin: "I saw America, in flames. Nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was Glorious, Joe. I nearly teared up..."

Biden: ...

Where did Miami International Airport go?

It went MIA

The international recognition of Jewish sovereignty is so bad...

...that they have to name their country "It's real" to remind everyone that it exists.

It’s 1961, and a NASA scientist is sitting in his office when an intern bursts in

“Sir! Sir! The Russians...”

The scientist looks inquisitively at him. “Yes? What about them?”

The intern takes a moment to catch his breath and says, “The Russians have gone into space!”

The scientist jumps out of his chair. “ALL OF THEM?”

“No, just one.”

The scien...

This Sunday is International Women's Day

Or as they say in the US, International Women's 17 Hours.

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International Police Competition

The UN holds an international police competition at a national park somewhere in Europe. The participating countries are France, Germany, and Turkey. The competition rules are whichever national police team catches a wild rabbit in the forest in the shortest amount of time wins the grand prize.
<...

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A doctor is walking through a hospital and suddenly sees one of the nurses.

Her hair is in disarray, her uniform is open, the bra is pushed up, her breasts are in plain view...

\- Excuse me, Ms. Arrington, what is this dress code? Put your clothes on properly.

The nurse looks down, sees the state of her clothes, blushes a deep red:

\- Ah, Doctor, you kn...

Unpaid interns are like slaves

No pay, they just get experience in the field.

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Anal swabs are made compulsory for all international travellers to China.

This is in line with their "China first" policy. First China enters you, then you enter China.

In honor of international women's day....

Why are women like a hurricane?



at first they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

Why don't international pandemics begin in the US?

They do, but we prefer to release them in China.

Everyone at John Lennon International airport has been quarantined.

Imagine.. all the people.

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A young couple are on a long international flight

A young couple are on a long international flight. The flight crew turns off the lights in the cabin for the passengers to sleep. The guy turns to his girlfriend and says "hey everyone is sleeping let's have sex." "No are you crazy? Everyone will hear us" says the girl. The boyfriend comes up with a...

I read a book on the International Space Station.

I couldn’t put it down.

International Boundaries

An Englishman, lecturing on his travels, was speaking disparagingly about the Scots and French in Canada, and how they intermarried with the Indians. "You'll find," he said "quite a number of Scot & French half-breeds, but you will not find any English half-breeds."

A Scot in the audience...

Today is "International Women's Day",

but don't worry guys “International Men’s Day” is coming April 1st.

What's an international gathering of Volkswagen vans called?

A combination

The Pope gets off a plane at JFK international airport...

He tells the limo to get in the back
“Why?” The limo driver replies.
“Because I’m the f#&$’n Pope” Said the Pope.
Next thing you know the limo’s going down the Brooklyn Bridge doin like 30 over the limit.
Cop pulls him over.
Pope rolls down the window
“Water you whining about” ...

How do you deal with an intern who's depressed because he just pricked his finger with a HIV contaminated needle?

You'll give him the PEP talk.

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office

Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

I recently visited a restaurant that only serves internal organs.

It was offal

International Contest

Great Britain and the USA are having a contest about who can mess up their country the most. Britain is leading, but the USA have a Trump card.

It’s International Siblings Day today...

or as Alabama calls it, Father’s Day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My intern keeps on telling customers puns. Recently he made a really bad pun and a customer turned around and asked, "Who said this shit?"

Pun Intern Did

Today is international men's day AND world toilet day.

I'm celebrating both by leaving the toilet seat up.

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A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news.

The good news is that you are going to be OK.

The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to r...

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.

Hushed silence turned into a roar of  laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat  announced:


"Gentlemen ! 

You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-


Fall of Turkey

Breakup of China

Spillage of Greece 

 and

Frustration of ...

There was an International Job opening.

Two men applied, a Canadian man, and an American. After the test and the interview, they company decided to go with the Canadian man. The American with distraught asked why they decided to hire the Canadian and how he did in the interview and test. They said it was a very difficult decision because ...

Being a man means never celebrating International Men’s Day.

Because every year we forget what day it is. Just like we forget what day our anniversary is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man, called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

“Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question but got the opposite advice.

“Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”

Confused, the man went to his priest, told him o...

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