UPJOKE
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I told my doctor that I was a bit disappointed that my Viagara prescription wasn't working

He said "don't worry mate, just hold your head up and you'll be fine!"

Do you ever wake up disappointed because you were eating something tasty in your dreams?

Stacey. Her name was Stacey.

I am very disappointed in gravity

It always lets me down

I got home with my one night stand. She pulled down my pants and looked disappointed!

She said you told me it was 12 inches!
"No" I replied "you mis-heard me. I said it smells like a foot".

As a good deed, I leaned over and hugged someone who looked disappointed.

The guy at the urinal didn't seem to appreciate it, though.

My wife was disappointed when she found out why my friends call me “The Love Machine”.

Because I suck at tennis.

I remember how my mother used to tuck me in when I was little.

She was really disappointed not to have another girl.

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An old man and his lawyer have a meeting with an IRS agent

An old man and his lawyer have a meeting with an IRS agent.

sit down in his office as the agent pulls out the man's tax records. "it says that the majority of your income is made by gambling, how do you manage that?". The man replies "I'll show you; I will bet you $1000 that I can bite my ow...

What do you call a disappointed cat?

*sigh*amise

The prisoner pleaded, "I'm sorry I tried to escape!" The guard shrugged and sighed, "I'm not mad, just disappointed." Remember kids...

Never let your guard down.

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The Sexual Mosquito

A nymphomaniac woman was a regular at a sex shop, but after using their products for years she ended getting bored of the usual stuff. She asked the male cashier if there was something else out of the ordinary to try.
He suggest the Sexual Mosquito. That got her attention, so she asked on how t...

Making babies

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-t...

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A farmer's son is on his way back from the market one day.

As he passes by farmer Jon's house, he sees the barn burning to the ground. Excited to share the news with his father and impress him, he rushes home to tell him. "Pa, pa! You'll never guess what I saw today passing farmer Jon's house!" The father replies " His barn burned down. Heard it on my radio...

A Doctor claims to treat patients with 100% Results otherwise he will give 100$

A man walks inside the clinic and says **"Doctor, I have lost my taste buds. I can't feel the taste of anything."** The Doctor replies **"Don't worry. I will give you a syrup and you wil regain your taste buds. Nurse, pls give him the blue bottle."** The man drinks the content of the blue bottle and...

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A man is driving down a road when he breaks down next to a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door and says "my car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and go...

A duck had a $100 bet with his friend

A duck had a $100 bet with his friend that he could touch the tip of his beak with the end of his foot. Certain that ducks aren’t built to do this kind of thing his friend takes the bet.

After several attempts, rolling around on the floor, flapping around and making a fool of himself, the duc...

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“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”

“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”


“Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”

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my best/worst joke

Sorry for any formatting/language issues!

A man is sitting at work, when suddenly his supervisor walks by and asks:
-hey man, how are you doing? Listen. I need to ask you something. Have you ever seen a penguin?
The man thinks for a second and answers that no, he hasn't.
-YOU HAVE N...

There was a family of 3 balloons - long

Mummy, daddy and baby balloon. The time had come that baby balloon had grown so big he no longer fit between his mum and dad in bed so they decided it was best he slept alone in his own bed from there on out.

Bedtime comes and off baby balloon goes to be tucked in, only to still be awake an ...

I walked into a shop called Foot Locker but left very disappointed.

They didn't have anywhere for me to store a foot.

A guy starts working at a bakery

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

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As a Muslim redditor, I feel disappointed...

That my posts never blows up.

Edit 1: Everyone says that my jokes are the bomb, but still this shit didn't explode.

Edit 2: KA-BOOOM!

Edit 3: For those wondering, I am a Muslim for real and I find this shit funny af so chill out guys, no need to hate on religions, we're at /r/jo...

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A lawyer boards a plane and takes his seat in business class.

A few moments later, two more men wander in and sit next to him. They get to chatting and he discovers they are doctors.

After a few moments, one of the doctors comments that he needs a drink.

"It's ok, I'll get it for you," says the lawyer, and gets up. The doctors notice he has take...

Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to London?

She found out Big Ben was only a clock.

I was disappointed when my son got a job as a scarecrow

But he's outstanding in his field!

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I just took my sausage dog back to the pet shop. Really disappointed with it.

The sausages it made were fucking disgusting.

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Three men go to Hell [Long]

One random night 3 men went out drinking and having a good time. Drunk, swaying side to side, they decided it was a good idea to walk down the middle of a road. As they get further down the road a truck came through and didn't see them. All three men were hit and died instantly. These 3 men were al...

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It’s not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the...

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Three Nuns approach their abbess...

The three Nuns tell the abbess that they do not want to be nuns anymore. The abbess is a little disappointed, but allows their decision to go ahead. "Alright," she begins, "If you don't want to be nuns anymore... Go out and commit a crime, come back afterwards, and drink from the holy water. After t...

My friend told me she's majoring in being disappointed and almost getting what she wants

She's the only poly-sigh major I've met so far

Why did a customer leave the blockbuster store disappointed?

They were never going to give him Up.

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A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot....

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the motorway.

You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
Th...

A trucker walks into a truck stop to get dinner one night.

Well, as he's sitting there, enjoying his meal, three biker dudes roar up and storm inside.

The first dude spits in the trucker's milk. The second one grabs the trucker's dinner and stuffs it in his face. And the third one yells "You wanna piece of this? Huh? HUH?" and shadowboxes,

S...

Is my girlfriend disappointed in my body?

A tiny part of me says 'yes'.

I am disappointed.

I cracked a chemistry joke but there was no reaction.

A man is travelling through the desert...

when he runs out of water. He is worried since the next town is not for 10 miles, so he is beginning to worry. Just then, however, he sees a man on a camel in the distance. When he gets nearer to the man, he sees that he is carrying bags full of neckties.
r>"Please, sir, can you spare any wate...

I was disappointed to find out a vasectomy doesn’t prevent you from getting your wife pregnant.

It just changes the color of the baby. :(

A Jewish woman’s husband dies

A Jewish woman’s husband died and she had nothing to remember him by. Her husband was a mohel, and he was very proud of his life’s work. For each circumcision he performed, he preserved the foreskin in a jar.

The woman, knowing how proud her husband was, took a large jar full of years and yea...

I’m so disappointed.

I found out my pillow case is nothing but a sham.

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When it comes to sex I've never seen a disappointed look on any woman's face.

That's the advantage of doggie style.

You’ll be disappointed.

Wanna hear a bad time travel joke?

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Genghis Khan and his soldiers attacked a tiny village of their enemy country and took all the men and women as prisoners..

Later in the evening,after being intoxicated,the sadistic Genghis decides to play a game..

He asks all the men from the village to stand in a line and strip down their pants..

He then instructed one of the wives of the men to be blindfolded and she should recognize her husband after ex...

Timmy went to a big city and looked for a job

He finally got an interview. He never held a corporate job before so he took tips from his friend about how to conduct himself in the interview. But when he came back from the interview, he looked defeated.

His friend asked: why do you look so disappointed? didn't the interview go well?
...

Why was Santa disappointed that he got a sweater for Christmas?

Because he wanted a squirter, or at least screamer.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all friends

Naturally, their mothers are blonde, brunette, and redheaded as well, and the ladies are chatting while their teenage daughters are hanging out in the other room.

The brunette says with a devilish grin, "Hey, let's look through the girls' purses and see what they're hiding from us." She...

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I read that 30% of the internet is pornography and that really makes me disappointed in humanity...

...70% of the internet is being completely wasted.

I was disappointed when it didn’t snow on my wedding day...

But I did get 8 inches on my honeymoon.

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What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student

Little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'...

A man on a train gets up and moves to the doors..

..a conductor notices and says "Sorry sir, this train doesn't stop at the next station on a Sunday night." Seeing how disappointed he is, the conductor says "It does slow down going through the station though, perhaps there is a way I could help you if you like."

So as the train slows down th...

“Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant”

"Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant"

Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed

"Hi disappointed, I'm dad"

Son, did you just-

"Yes"

You're ready.

I watched a documentary on mathematical functions last night, but was really disappointed.

The plot line was predictable. The special f(x) was awful too.

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The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

Disappointed that the purchased LSD has no effect,

Ivan sat on his dragon and flew away.

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Three drunk guys were having a contest to see which of them was the best fighter

The first one says to the other two "See that horse and carriage parked right there? I will beat up everyone on board while suffering nothing more than a scratch." With drunken bravado, the man set out to fulfill the dare he had imposed upon himself. Minutes later, the man returned and true to his w...

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A blind man's big penis

A blind man was always turned down by women because of his disability. He knew one thing though, that he had an abnormally large erection. Knowing he couldn't successfully have a relationship, and use his hammer properly, he asked one of his dear friends to bring him to "pleasure palace", a local se...

What did the plastic surgery addicts meeting leader say when she addressed the group?

I see some new faces here and I’m very disappointed!

The first time Snoop Dogg bought a pot pie he was probably very disappointed.

I’m sorry but I thought of this and nearly peed myself

Disappointed by my family tree

Turns out it is a cactus, there's a prick on every branch.

A man goes to a zoo and is disappointed to find it has only one animal, a dog

It's a Shih Tzu.

It turns out, 'Fox News' has no actual coverage of foxes.

I was also disappointed by BBC news.

A group of pirates walked out of a strip club with disappointed looks on their faces.

They were hoping to find some booty, but all they got were sunken chests.

I was smoking some new weed with my buddies and they were all disappointed with how stoned they got.

I guess that's what happens when you have high expectations.

What did the disappointed mozart-fan infant say when he opened his gift?

Baby got Bach

A man walks into his sons room with a lie detector and says…

“Son, I know you were not at school this morning. I have a lie detector, so whenever you say a lie it will beep. Understand?”

The son replied, “Look Dad, I swear I was at school!”

The lie detector beeped.

He said, “fine I was at the movies with my friends.”

The lie detec...

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Monkey Who Does Great Sex

A young sexy woman passing by a pet shop saw a board -

"Monkey who does great sex".

She went in, bought that monkey & walked away with the Instruction Manual.

The Manual said *'Give a good bath to the monkey, then you take a bath. Make him sit on the bed and you lie down w...

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I'm so disappointed in baby boomers...

My cum sock developed a better culture than them.

What did the disappointed smoker get for Christmas?

Clothes but no cigar...

Two american jewish men send their sons to Jerusalem to learn about their culture.

A year later the two are having a chat:

-- I am so disappointed in my son, I don't know what to do... Once he returned, he claimed to have become christian!

-- My son as well, this is a tragedy.

-- We should go see our Rabbi, maybe he can guide us.

The two then visit the...

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