If Darth Vader lived in America, where would he live?

The Empire State Building

How does Darth Vader eat with a mask on?

He force feeds himself.

Everyone knows about Darth Vader, but very few people talk about his wife.

Ella wasn’t great at conquering planets but she did make it easier to navigate the Death Star.

If Darth Vader was frozen in Carbonite

He would be Mannaquin Skywalker

Why is Darth Vader such a spoilsport at Christmas?

Because he feels everyone's presents.

Where does Darth Vader buy his clothes?

At the Death Store

How does Darth Vader greet visitors to Disneyland?

Welcome to the Park side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Darth Vader arrested for sexual assault?

He kept forcing himself on people.

How much does Darth Vader hate sand?

A tauntaun.

Say what you will about Darth Vader

But his sister Ella really takes things to another level.

What did Darth Vader say when the record store employee told him they were out of George Michael albums?

I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing.

Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...

Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.

But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was going to get him for Father’s Day?

He sensed his presents

What happens when Darth Vader sneezes?

George Lucas yells "Cut!"

What did Darth Vader say under the tree?

Luke... I feel your presents...

My sister just told this to me, and I genuinely laughed at it so I thought it belonged here!

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Darth Vader takes a trip to the clinic after having unprotected sex. What did his test results come back positive for?

Sithilis

What’s Darth Vader favourite measurement system?

The Imperial System

Why does Darth Vader's breathing sound so angry?

He is just venting...

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Why does Darth Vader prefer coarse-grain pepper?

He hates it when it's high ground.

1 My kid’s made up Star Wars joke: What does Darth Vader exhale?

Carbon Darkside

Darth Vader always knew what Luke and Leia got him for Christmas, stating:

“I’ve felt your presents”

What did Darth Vader say when he went to a vegetarian restaurant?

"I find your lack of steak disturbing."

Why did Darth Vader cross the road?

To feel the power of the dark side

Why doesn't Darth Vader like to eat Ewoks?

He thinks they're a little Chewie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What instrument does Darth Vader play?

The rebel bass.

When James Earl Jones auditioned for Darth Vader, George Lucas told him he had to have a Mid-Atlantic accent.

So, he went and bought a scuba air tank, and the rest is history.

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Darth Vader walks into his local record shop and asks for a copy of George Michael's debut solo album

The guy behind the counter says "I'm sorry, it's out of stock."

Darth Vader shakes his head and says "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Darth Vader: *heavy breathing*

**Admiral Motti:** oh great, he's jerking off using the force again.

Trump is Darth Vader's cousin!

Tax E. Vader.

Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader?

Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.

Why did Darth Vader kill the craftsmen for not using varnish to finish his wood death star project?

Because his lacquer faith was disturbing.

What did Darth Vader say when he sensed Luke for the first time?

"I have a dad feeling about this."

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are engaged in a lightsaber duel, when Vader whispers....

"Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas"

Luke ignored him and continued to to fight.

But he whispers again "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas"

Luke stops fighting and says "Ok, what are you going on about?"

"I have felt your presence"

Darth Vader asked the Emperor how many pizzas he should get...

Palpatine: order 66...

What’s Darth Vader’s stage name when he plays his electric piano?

The synth lord

My friends 10 yo daughter made this up while in the elevator today: "Did you know Darth Vader has another daughter?"

Mom: "No, who?"
Daughter: "Ella, Ella Vader."

What first tipped Darth Vader off about the Millennium Falcon?

He found their lack of freight disturbing

^^May ^^the ^^Fourth ^^be ^^with ^^you!

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Why Darth Vader?

Since I was little people asked why did I want to be Darth Vader. Easy, I wanna be a villain so I can saunter everywhere. Luke is always sprinting somewhere, always running, always sweaty and on the move. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Fuck no, and I ain’t about to either.

What's Darth Vader's least favorite temperature?

Luke warm.

^^im ^^sorry

I met Darth Vader’s wife at the mall yesterday.

Nice gal, her names’s Ella.

Did you hear Darth Vader had a second daughter named Elly?

Elly Vader

What's Darth Vader's favorite dessert?

Only one cannoli

If Darth Vader said "Nothing's gonna stop us now" instead of "There will be no one to stop us this time..."

Would that make him Mannequin Skywalker?

Do you know why Darth Vader really betrayed the emperor?

His hatred became more palpable

What do you call a sick Darth Vader?

Barf Vader

-Courtesy of my 6 year old nephew.

Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves...

Apparently they are a choking hazard.

What’s Darth Vader’s favorite dessert?

*coooooo*

*kieeeee*

What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady?

Darth Vader probably gets high fived

Darth Vader could never find love....

He was looking in Alderaan places.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Darth Vader so famous?

He was the first black man to admit he is the father.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know that Darth Vader isn't a black man underneath the mask?

He claims to be your father.

Darth Vader has a twin brother who’s a tory..

He’s called TAX EVADER

Darth Vader "I am your Father"

"Ha ha" says Luke, removing his costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

Where does Darth Vader go shopping?

At the Darth Mall.

I heard Darth Vader's suit was really expensive.

It must have cost him an arm and a leg.

What did Darth Vader do when his iTunes stopped responding?

He force quit.

Why is Darth Vader's helmet so phallic?

...because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.

When the Empire Strikes Back was being filmed, they considered getting rid of James Earl Jones and bringing in Hulk Hogan instead to be Darth Vader.

But they quickly decided not to when they realized the line "No Luke, I am your father, brother!" Was way too confusing.

An interesting fact about Darth Vader

He's got a good poker face

What did Darth Vader say when he saw his old droid choosing Luke over him?

"E tu, D2?"

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are engaged in a light saber battle...

...when suddenly Darth grabs Luke by the tunic and pulls him close. "Luke, I know what you are getting for Christmas", he says to the young Jedi.

"How? How could you possibly know what I am getting for Christmas?" Luke says skeptically.

Vader replies: "Because, I felt your presents."

How does Darth Vader take his coffee?

You would think black right? But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

What would you get if Harry Potter tried to kill Darth Vader?

*A Vader Cadaver*

Which boxer did Darth Vader put his money on in the fight?

The Thai fighter

I'm getting my Darth Vader shaped mole checked out.

I'm concerned because it's on the dark side.

What is Darth Vader's favorite snack?

(Breathe heavy for effect)

"Coooo-Keees"

Someone snuck aboard the Death Star and stabbed Darth Vader with a lightsaber.

It was a space in Vader.

Darth Vader...

Of all the things that Darth Vader lost when the Death Star blew up, it was the destruction of his George Michael box set that affected him most deeply.

He finds his lack of Faith disturbing.

So Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are locked in their final showdown...

...light sabers are flashing, the balance is delicate, but suddenly Luke knocks Darth's weapon away. As it's skidding out of reach, Luke moves in for the final blow. Quickly, Darth holds up a hand and says "Luke, wait! I need to tell you something". Luke, sensing a trap, asks why he should do such a...

How do we know that Darth Vader is American?

Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March

Darth Vader decides that being a Sith lord isn't lucrative enough....

Too much money funneled into replacement deathstars, storm trooper wages and empire taxes.

He decides that in order to retire comfortably he needs to find a steady well paid job.

He goes out and tries his hand at baking, banking, and various other occupations. Finally he settles on c...

Darth Vader was inspecting his security teams weapons locker.

He asked the Chief of Security "Do your men carry pepper spray?" When the Chief replied "No, sir" Darth Vader force choked him and said "I find you lack of mace disturbing."

What did Darth Vader tell Luke?

Luke, I am your [Unlock Content for 20000 Credits].

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