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Sith Jokes

Which sith lord prefers to cripple his opponents rather than kill them?

Darth Ritis

A senator, a chancellor, a Sith Lord, and the First Galactic Emperor walk into a restaurant.

The hostess says, “table for one?”

Where do the Sith go to do their shopping?

The Darth Mall

A Sith, a Jedi, and a Mandalorian walk into a bar...

They start talking and after a few drinks the conversation shifts to cars. The Jedi living a life of austerity and frugality only has a 1991 Camry. The Sith and Mando laughs at him saying he has a Bad Car.

The Sith having manipulated others into giving him their wealth shows off his McClaren...

Did you hear about the sith lord who went shopping?

He went to the Maul. Everything was half off.

What do you call a Sith Lord who doesn’t pay his taxes?

Darth Evader

If Donald Trump was a Sith Lord...

His name would be Taxi Vader

Why did the Sith Lord cross the road?

To get to the dark side!

What do you call a nervous Sith Lord?

Panakin Skywalker

What do you call a sith lord who gets high all the time?

Ele-Vader.

What is a Sith Lord's favorite drink at the bar?

A Palpitini

Why are Sith Lords such lonely people ?

Because, dealing with absolutes, they don't have any relatives.

How do the Sith ascend?

Elevaders

How do Sith Lords measure things?

In absolute units.

What kind of coffee do Siths drink?

Darth roast.

Which social network do Sith Lords prefer using as they dominate the universe?

MySpace

What kind of liquor does a Sith Lord drink?

Absolut Vodka

How many sith lords does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They like it on the dark side.

Why are Sith measurements not as accurate as Jedis'?

Because a Sith deals only in absolutes.

What does an aging Sith lord with a bad hip use to get around?

An Imperial Walker

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

What do you call a Sith Missionary? [OC by my 7yr old son]

The Apostle Maul.

Darth Vader decides that being a Sith lord isn't lucrative enough....

Too much money funneled into replacement deathstars, storm trooper wages and empire taxes.

He decides that in order to retire comfortably he needs to find a steady well paid job.

He goes out and tries his hand at baking, banking, and various other occupations. Finally he settles on c...

"Remember, Luke, a Jedi always has doubts about something. Only a Sith can be 100% sure about everything."

"Dad, are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

Why couldn’t Yoda work out that |7| = 7?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

If you go to a Jedi bar, the only vodka that you can get is Grey Goose.

Because..only the Sith deal in Absolut.

Why is vodka so hard to obtain in the Star Wars universe?

Because only Siths deal in Absolut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Darth Maul jack off into a piece of fruit?

Because the sith always comes in pears

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the math teacher join the dark side?

Because only a sith deals in absolutes.




I fucking thought of this while in the bathroom. And if it's already thought of, then fuck them. This is the sole accomplishment of my life and I can't let anybody take that away from me.

Obi-Wan captured a Sith and bring him to Yoda.

Obi-Wan: Should I kill the Sith or let him go?

Yoda: Kill him...

\*Obi-Wan executes the Sith.\*

Yoda: ...you must not.

Two friends are going to film their own version of Revenge of the Sith.

They both have a really strong bond, so they decide that it'd be best if one played Anakin and one played Obi-Wan, the only problem was that they couldn't figure out who would play whom.

After a long bout of reasoning, bickering, and contemplating neither of them could come up with a reason w...

Imagine a place where you can buy everything related to the Sith and the Dark Side

It would be called the Darth Mall...

...and everything would be half off

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Conversation with my 5 year old.

He's playing with his little Darth Vader helmet and puts it on my glass of water.

Me: Don't do that.

Him: Why not?

Me: You're going to make it taste like Sith.

Him: Wait! There's Sith on this?

Do you know why Palpatine spends so much time on his throne?

Because he likes to Sith.

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis, the wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life. He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared ab...

Star Wars is about the eternal conflict between two opposing forces. One headhunts children across the galaxy, puts them into a religious cult, indoctrinates them, even forbids them from having a relationship, then sends them off to die in the nearest war.

The other is the Sith.

Why does each Jedi have a fat stomach and saggy ass?

Only a Sith deals in abs n glutes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anakin, obiwan and yoda are sitting round a table playing poker

They’ve played a number of rounds until Anakin has built up quite a big pile of chips

Suddenly his face lights up as he sees he’s got a nearly unbeatable hand.

Feeling lucky he force pushes all of his chips to the centre of the table

Obi wan: don’t try it

Anakin: I’m goin...

My wife told me she was tired of me always talking about StarWars and nothing else

I told her only a Sith deals in absolutes

Hayden Christensen got mad and punched an autograph seeker

The Sith really hit the fan!

Why does Darth Sidious have a drinking problem?

Because only Siths drink in Absoluts.

Why can’t scientists reach absolute zero?

Because only a Sith deals with absolutes.

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say when he heard Anakin had joined the dark side?

(shrugs)

"Well, Sith happens"

What school did Darth Vader attend?

Univer-sith-y

... I'll let myself out.

My wife said to me if I don't stop quoting Star Wars she's going to leave me

I replied "Only a Sith deals in absolutes"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why won’t Obi-Wan mix you a vodka cocktail?

Only a Sith deals in Absoluts.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away

A Jedi apprentice was sitting in a local cantina as a pretty young lady came strolling in. She walks up to the bar and asks if the seat next to him was taken, to which he replied "no, it's all yours if you'd like to take a seat" they get to talking a little bit and he asks her "may i buy you a drink...

Did you hear what the Jedi council said about Mustafar?

They called it a Sith hole.

What did Mike Tyson say to the Death Star elevator attendant?

"Sith floor pleaths"

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

What is a Mathematician specializing in absolute numbers called?

A Sith.

When did Anakin's Jedi Master know he was turning to the dark side?

In the Sith grade.

cue cantina music

A Jedi walks in to a bar. Having just returned from a great struggle, he and his companions are thirsty for strong refreshments. The Jedi leans over toward the bartender and says, "I want you to pour out a drink from every bottle except those three."

As he begins pouring a vast array of sho...

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

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