What do you call a Sith Lord who left his wife?

Darth Evade-her

A Sith, a Jedi, and a Mandalorian walk into a bar...

They start talking and after a few drinks the conversation shifts to cars. The Jedi living a life of austerity and frugality only has a 1991 Camry. The Sith and Mando laughs at him saying he has a Bad Car. The Sith having manipulated others into giving him their wealth shows off his McClaren F1. The...

What do you call a shopping center for Sith lords?

A Darth mall.

What is a Sith's favourite brand of vodka?

*Absolut*

Which sith lord prefers to cripple his opponents rather than kill them?

Darth Ritis

A senator, a chancellor, a Sith Lord, and the First Galactic Emperor walk into a restaurant.

The hostess says, “table for one?”

Why are Sith Lords such lonely people ?

Because, dealing with absolutes, they don't have any relatives.

What do you call a sith lord who gets high all the time?

Ele-Vader.

If Donald Trump was a Sith Lord...

His name would be Taxi Vader

How many Sith Lords does it take to change a light bulb?

None. It's already on the dark side.

Which social network do Sith Lords prefer using as they dominate the universe?

MySpace

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away

A Jedi apprentice was sitting in a local cantina as a pretty young lady came strolling in. She walks up to the bar and asks if the seat next to him was taken, to which he replied "no, it's all yours if you'd like to take a seat" they get to talking a little bit and he asks her "may i buy you a drink...

How do Sith Lords measure things?

In absolute units.

What is a Sith Lord's favorite drink at the bar?

A Palpitini

What kind of coffee do Siths drink?

Darth roast.

What do you call a Sith Lord who doesn’t pay taxes?

A tax e-vader.

What do you call a Sith Missionary? [OC by my 7yr old son]

The Apostle Maul.

How do the Sith ascend?

Elevaders

"Remember, Luke, a Jedi always has doubts about something. Only a Sith can be 100% sure about everything."

"Dad, are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

What does an aging Sith lord with a bad hip use to get around?

An Imperial Walker

What will the Sith call the earth when they invade and take command?

The Force Reich

Darth Vader decides that being a Sith lord isn't lucrative enough....

Too much money funneled into replacement deathstars, storm trooper wages and empire taxes.

He decides that in order to retire comfortably he needs to find a steady well paid job.

He goes out and tries his hand at baking, banking, and various other occupations. Finally he settles on c...

Obi-Wan captured a Sith and bring him to Yoda.

Obi-Wan: Should I kill the Sith or let him go?

Yoda: Kill him...

\*Obi-Wan executes the Sith.\*

Yoda: ...you must not.

Two friends are going to film their own version of Revenge of the Sith.

They both have a really strong bond, so they decide that it'd be best if one played Anakin and one played Obi-Wan, the only problem was that they couldn't figure out who would play whom.

After a long bout of reasoning, bickering, and contemplating neither of them could come up with a reason w...

Imagine a place where you can buy everything related to the Sith and the Dark Side

It would be called the Darth Mall...

...and everything would be half off

Why is vodka so hard to obtain in the Star Wars universe?

Because only Siths deal in Absolut.

Star Wars is about the eternal conflict between two opposing forces. One headhunts children across the galaxy, puts them into a religious cult, indoctrinates them, even forbids them from having a relationship, then sends them off to die in the nearest war.

The other is the Sith.

Conversation with my 5 year old.

He's playing with his little Darth Vader helmet and puts it on my glass of water.

Me: Don't do that.

Him: Why not?

Me: You're going to make it taste like Sith.

Him: Wait! There's Sith on this?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Darth Maul jack off into a piece of fruit?

Because the sith always comes in pears

Why does each Jedi have a fat stomach and saggy ass?

Only a Sith deals in abs n glutes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the math teacher join the dark side?

Because only a sith deals in absolutes.




I fucking thought of this while in the bathroom. And if it's already thought of, then fuck them. This is the sole accomplishment of my life and I can't let anybody take that away from me.

Hayden Christensen got mad and punched an autograph seeker

The Sith really hit the fan!

Why did young Ewan McGregor refuse to do Algebra homework?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis, the wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life. He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared ab...

Do you know why Palpatine spends so much time on his throne?

Because he likes to Sith.

cue cantina music

A Jedi walks in to a bar. Having just returned from a great struggle, he and his companions are thirsty for strong refreshments. The Jedi leans over toward the bartender and says, "I want you to pour out a drink from every bottle except those three."

As he begins pouring a vast array of sho...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a very shitty joke i made up

There was once a Sith lord


He ambushed the rebels but he ran as soon as he saw his uncle


It was Kylo


Kylo ran

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Why does Darth Sidious have a drinking problem?

Because only Siths drink in Absoluts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why won’t Obi-Wan mix you a vodka cocktail?

Only a Sith deals in Absoluts.

Why can’t scientists reach absolute zero?

Because only a Sith deals with absolutes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anakin, obiwan and yoda are sitting round a table playing poker

They’ve played a number of rounds until Anakin has built up quite a big pile of chips

Suddenly his face lights up as he sees he’s got a nearly unbeatable hand.

Feeling lucky he force pushes all of his chips to the centre of the table

Obi wan: don’t try it

Anakin: I’m goin...

My wife told me she was tired of me always talking about StarWars and nothing else

I told her only a Sith deals in absolutes

My wife said to me if I don't stop quoting Star Wars she's going to leave me

I replied "Only a Sith deals in absolutes"

Why do they only serve Smirnoff in a Jedi bar?

Only a Sith deals in Absolut.

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say when he heard Anakin had joined the dark side?

(shrugs)

"Well, Sith happens"

Did you hear what the Jedi council said about Mustafar?

They called it a Sith hole.

So my brother was playing FFVII...

And he always named Cloud as "Grin". I never understood why. Every time he played a new game, he would name him "Grin". The other characters he left the same...Tifa, Yuffie, Cait Sith, it was just Cloud.

One day, he was playing with just two guys (Red XIII was on the team, but he never revive...

What did Mike Tyson say to the Death Star elevator attendant?

"Sith floor pleaths"

When did Anakin's Jedi Master know he was turning to the dark side?

In the Sith grade.

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

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