Why can't a clarinet player keep a girlfriend? Whenever they start talking dirty, his voice cracks.
Why can't a French horn player keep a girlfriend? Whenever they start making out, his hand goes to the wrong place.
What do you call a euphonium player who isn't part of a military band?...
An orchestra is tuning up for a challenging concerto; all but the first chair oboist.
She is not preparing for her performance. As the draw of the curtains approached, the conductor could no longer abide her inaction. He gritted, "why are you not preparing? Why haven't you habituated your instrument?" She retorted, "I don't believe in oboe warming."
My friend made a flute out of a carrot...
It was impressive, and if you gave her some sheet music, she would show you just how well it played.
My other friend, who's a bit competitive, made an oboe out of corn. He said he could play anything by ear.
What do you call a homeless monkey in the woodwind part of an orchestra?
The oboe bonobo hobo.
I'm a band geek and love terrible band jokes. Here are some of my favorites!
How do you get two piccolos to play in tune? Shoot one.
What is the best use for a clarinet? Kindling.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower? You can tune a lawn mower.
(Warning:lame music joke. I just came back from a classicical music concert) Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the oboe solo.